Email: Too cigar inadequate for meet ups?

[El Presidente]

Over to you good folks. I am sure we have all been in a similar situation at some time. 

 

"Well my first cigar event was a great time with about 12 people in attendance on a saturday afternoon in ******. Everyone was super welcoming and while they all knew each other, no one made me feel like a newbie or at least not intentionally.  What I mean by not intentionally is that there was one issue that did bother me and I am not sure how to process it. If I let it screw around with my head I probably won't go to another herf so I thought i would pen this for some advice. Maybe put it out to other members to see how they coped in the early days.  Rob I have maybe 30 cigars in my collection from quarter box purchases. These guys were so generous and they were handing me cigars to try as they quickly knew that I was new to the hobby. It caught me by surprise as I had nothing to give. I brought a half dozen cigars with me but they were all 2021 Cuban stock and run of the mill plus a few Non Cubans that were still in my otterbox. I felt awkward. I am fairly reserved normally and the outpouring of camaraderie almost spooked me as i couldn't reciprocate. I know it may sound stupid but if your members were starting out, how would you handle such a situation?" 

[JohnS]

When one is new to the hobby like this, the gifted cigars from more experienced enthusiasts is entirely normal. The reason why it's done is because those more experienced members want to assist those new to the hobby to grow in their knowledge and appreciation of Habanos cigars. The thing to do in reciprocation is to smoke these gifted cigars and share that initial experience with those who gave out the cigars at the next herf meeting.

When you are born no-one expects you start talking or walking, it takes time and you can't be on equal terms with the adults around you. Yes, it all takes time. In the same way, understand that becoming an experienced cigar enthusiast takes a lot of time too. Okay, probably not 18 years in the same way one becomes an adult. Just enjoy your personal growth, your journey and look on these things fondly. It's something to admire and appreciate, not worry or concern yourself about.

[Edicion]

Sounds you found a nice group to hang out with. It's like going to the pub with 12 mates you didn't see for a long time and some of them want to buy you a round of their favorite beer. No one expects you to buy them back, they're just happy to share what they like and hope you will too. Cigar people are some of my favorite people for their generosity and friendliness.

[LordAnubis]

Know the feeling all too well. I think what you come to realise is that people in this hobby like to share what they enjoy so others can enjoy it aswell. Cigar sharing between friends is almost never a dollar value for dollar value proposition from what i've found. I get gifted some 1980s rare cigar, i gift a RyJ belicosos in return that the person has never tried. Next time we meet it might be the other way around. Its about sharing experiences and having a good time with mates.

In the particular case where a new guy starts, take it as a learning curve, as a pay it forward if you will. One day when your collection gets bigger or you get more experienced and build a stronger bond with the group, you too will be the one gifting cigars to the new person.

[Fuzz]

3 hours ago, JohnS said:

When one is new to the hobby like this, the gifted cigars from more experienced enthusiasts is entirely normal. The reason why it's done is because those more experienced members want to assist those new to the hobby to grow in their knowledge and appreciation of Habanos cigars. The thing to do in reciprocation is to smoke these gifted cigars and share that initial experience with those who gave out the cigars at the next herf meeting.

When you are born no-one expects you start talking or walking, it takes time and you can't be on equal terms with the adults around you. Yes, it all takes time. In the same way, understand that becoming an experienced cigar enthusiast takes a lot of time too. Okay, probably not 18 years in the same way one becomes an adult. Just enjoy your personal growth, your journey and look on these things fondly. It's something to admire and appreciate, not worry or concern yourself about.

Spoken like the voice of experience.... oh, wait, we did have this exact same conversation 7 years ago.

[Nevrknow]

From my experiences, @JohnS nailed it. 👍🏻

[Ford2112]

People give because it makes them feel good. It is likely they are paying it forward as was freely done for them. Pass it on!

[madandana]

Go’s to show you how great most people are in the cigar community 

[BrightonCorgi]

Poor guy.

I'd tell him to not lose sleep over it.  Someone with 1,000's of cigars had only a dozen at one point.  No offense to him, but the person with 1,000's of cigars are not so hot to take one of your dozen and probably already has the same cigar. 

Hosting in an indoor setting is more valuable to most cigar smokers than passing around a few boxes of cigars.

[Greenhorn2]

I would say John's also nailed it. Just figuring out that those old stiff around the collar, snobby cigar smokers are some of the most generous people there is on the planet? Lol. Just pass the love around whenever you have the chance to do the same.

[BEVOSREVENGE]

We all start at the beginning.  

When it is your turn, pay it forward.

 

[RDB]

Maybe you can bring something else nice to share, like a good bottle? Or buy a round for everyone. Not essential, just a nice way to reciprocate somehow.

[Jason55555]

5 minutes ago, RDB said:

Maybe you can bring something else nice to share, like a good bottle? Or buy a round for everyone. Not essential, just a nice way to reciprocate somehow.

I started this hobby very early, around 18 I just liked collecting cigars and going to various cigar events. You will run into these situations many times, being 18-25 your collection is just starting as well as knowledge.

I’ve been invited to wine clubs before, and I find one main difference (Once again this is my experience and not indicative for all wine clubs) is that you need to pay to play - vintage wines are expensive as well as buying cases of wine to collect. Bringing a cheap and cheerful bottle that you can afford for example on a18-21 yr old budget isn’t the best look at a wine club "but just my experience".

I'm not saying there isn’t cigar snobs / clubs out there but in my experience cigar culture cares more about your character when you are at the club or lounge or herf.

• Someone hands you a cigar mind your manners a “thank you” can I get you a drink, what are you drinking?
• Ask the event organizer if they need a hand setting up or something even if they don’t just ask.
• Shake a person’s hand introducing yourself get to know your community and they will then know where you are starting your cigar journey.

Overall there are cigars for every price point and every type of person, cigar smokers like to smoke with people that enhance the already great cigar experience... So be that person.

Jason55555

[dominattorney]

1 hour ago, Heels82 said:

This guy wants a handout.  Sounds like the vintage guy.  

Scott

I did not get this impression. My opinion was this gentleman was put off by receiving gifts he could not hope to reciprocate. A bit different than the last guy who was like "gift me a box, whah." I felt similarly at the beginning of my journey when I was gifted a siglo VI gran Reserva that I didn't recognize was fake at the time. I was incredibly humbled and was talking about the dudes generosity a month later in different company and a guy who knew both me and the gifter advised that said gifter gets his sticks at 300 USD a box prices from a Jamaican cab driver. I was like "how cool he made that connection" and the guy was like "son, let me tell you the ways of the world" and handed me my first Sir Winston. Eye opening. I bought him a bottle of Balvenie Double Wood when my next paycheck came in. He appreciated it. I appreciated it. Everyone was happy. I learned things. 

[dominattorney]

6 minutes ago, Heels82 said:

Let's see how far this plays out.  You're a lawyer that is sticking up for what?    

Not sure I get the gist of your question. I'm simply making am observation based on the original post. 

[garbandz]

that was a veritable outpouring of positivity there for a while..........

 

 

 

I feel for the guy and admire his honesty.

been there, done that...........

[Hammer Smokin']

I read the OP, then the comments, and even went back and re-read the OP. 

cannot see how this guy only wants a hand out? 

If I was in a similar situation (or more specifically knew before hand that I was going to be in a similar situation), I'd bring a bottle of Scotch or Rum. Most cigar smokers seem to like one or the other (or both). 

[El Presidente]

3 hours ago, Heels82 said:

Let's see how far this plays out.  You're a lawyer that is sticking up for what?    

pull your head in. 

[Chas.Alpha]

I believe my reputation speaks for itself. 
 

“It is better to give than receive...”

Said some fool that I still believe in. 😀

[Huckleberry]

9 hours ago, Hammer Smokin' said:

I read the OP, then the comments, and even went back and re-read the OP. 

cannot see how this guy only wants a hand out? 

If I was in a similar situation (or more specifically knew before hand that I was going to be in a similar situation), I'd bring a bottle of Scotch or Rum. Most cigar smokers seem to like one or the other (or both). 

This is total wisdom.  Most people need to drink something so if short on dead rolled up leaves bring some libations.  It is a gesture that tends to please the world over.

It's similar to attending a friends dinner party where he will be serving the fattened calf and choice lamb.  You don't bring the momma cow and grandma sheep with you, you bring some libations to enjoy with the meal already being prepared. 

[El Presidente]

9 hours ago, Hammer Smokin' said:

I read the OP, then the comments, and even went back and re-read the OP. 

cannot see how this guy only wants a hand out? 

 

He wasn't looking for a hand out. it was a stupid comment. 

[gustavehenne]

I've brought a few people on the 'cigar journey' with me and regularly share out sticks that I rave about. I never ever expect anything in return - the git of giving, discussing the cigar and enjoying a good conversation far outweighs any cigar given in return. If somebody choses to reciprocate I'm incredibly grateful for this and thank them profusely.

In my opinion, anyone that thinks 'Oh I gave you a Siglo 6 therefore you need to give me an Esplendidos etc. etc.' isn't worth smoking with. Reciprocate with a cigar you love or want to discuss with them and enjoy the time together. I would personally appreciate a Quintero (or anything!) as I've never smoked one before and while it may not be my favourite the very act of giving should be celebrated.

Leave the douche's to the douche's....

[cigaraholic]

Sounds like this person has found a good group of people to enjoy a cigar with, lucky man! We all start at the same place unless your extremely lucky and your father has a nice cigar collection, a small desktop that we can never keep full. Giving someone a cigar is one of the pleasures of life. No one worth knowing expects a cigar in return.

[BrightonCorgi]

If I go to a herf, I normally bring just handful of cigars.  I am not one to bring a suitcase of sticks.  Enough for me to smoke for the night and a couple extra.  No one there who doesn't already know me knows if that's I is all own or if there's 100's boxes at home.  Just better that way.  Not looking to show off or plead no dinero.  Neither is a good look.

I am more for the company/banter of others and getting out of the house, than trading cigars.

[Ken Gargett]

did not seem to me that he was after a handout. and i also agree with john's post.

i can equate this more to when i first got interested in wine and i met a bunch of guys, all older than i was, and they had amazing cellars.

they are still some of my best mates 40 years later. they had no issue opening amazing bottles. incredible wines which i never thought i'd ever see let alone drink. they don't have the same cellars today (some do) but they knew i could not ever hope to repay them in kind. i do what i can and have done a couple of very special lunches for them over the years but nothing to compare with their generosity. 

i have always worked on the basis of trying to bring quality wines that might be a bit different or special for some reason or which i know they are unlikely to have seen. they have always appreciated that.