Having my first born tomorrow...any words of wisdom?

[benfica_77]

As title suggests....keep seesawing between excitement and anxiety (she's healthy...mama does ok etc.) 

Any words of wisdom from the FOH papas would be appreciated. 

Wife is being induced first thing in the morning and then it's game time. 

[JohnS]

These are the most important points below:

• Initially, you will value your sleep like never before!
• The time will go a lot quicker than you realise so hang in there because at first your life as you know it completely changes.
• Don't get caught up on milestones because they vary a lot. If your child walks or talks a little late, it doesn't necessarily mean they are below average at all.
• Take photos and videos of rudimentary activities because these will become important later.
• When your child is able to follow two-point commands or instructions (i.e. you ask the child to do two things such as...'can you get that toy over there and put away the other toys?'), that is the point where they start to become independent and you can get some more of your time back to yourself. This happens usually around four years of age.
• Talk to the child a lot. You think they won't understand but trust me, they will listen and absorb everything. If you want them to learn another language, speak to them in both. In your case, I would do Portuguese and English from the beginning. The long-term benefits will become obvious, trust me.

I guess that's enough information for now. For the time being, the next six weeks will be very busy but remember, they grow up quickly. Keep taking those photos!

[El Presidente]

Congratulations to you and your wife Alex 

Enjoy today. Reminiss. Pop a bottle of champagne and a fine cigar because a beautiful chapter is closing and another one is beginning. 

Relax. Enjoy being a father. Let it wash over you. Don't overthink it. No two fathers are the same. Find your groove. 

[cigcars]

      *Just be sure to get all the sleep you can...while you can!  And before you know it you will have a fun-loving, "WHAT kind of a hair-do is THAT!?", wild music loving, pizza crazed teenager on your hands!. 

[benfica_77]

Thanks Gents for the thoughtful words!

[Rhinoww]

Congrats 

Good advice above.
Would add be really nice to your wife for the next few months. She is basically running a marathon and then goes sleep deprived for a few months. Post partum is legit. 
Only other thing is to enjoy the moments.

The days my kids were born will always be among my best days. It’s awesome stuff. 

[garnett]

Enjoy every second of it even when they are screaming thier guts out in the middle of the night because one day soon you will be dropping them off at university and you will be like what just happened here.

[Nevrknow]

Enjoy every second. Tomorrow you'll take a nap and when you wake up they'll be grown. I'm not kidding. 
 

My favorite advice I got "way back when " , even if they give a small stone or flower, gush over it. It meant the world to them and they wanted you to have it.

Yes I have a collection of book pressed flowers and a box of rocks that I wouldn't trade for a box of diamonds.

[Dr vonPuffenberg]

Great advice so far. I had my first 2 years ago and it has been a greater blessing than I could ever imagine.  Your child will bring so much joy to your life and to everyone who knows her.

 

Everything changes.  Your old life is gone.  Don’t fret over that too much, your new life is so much better.

 

If you’re lucky, she’ll be like my daughter and take a 2 hour nap every afternoon 

 

Congratulations!!

[LLC]

Congratulations. It is a life changing event and your perspective on life and what’s important will like change. Enjoy 👍

[shokao]

My son just turned six months old in January 1st. My advice for you is everything that @JohnS said plus:

- Make your own memories: pay attention in everything from the beginning: your child is unique and as soon you figure it out, you’ll be able to connect faster and it’ll be a lot easier.

- Do everything thing that doesn’t need your wife by obligation: change the first diaper, do the first bath and everything else. Your child needs to know that you will be there no matter what.

- Be patient. To be a father can be frustrating sometimes because the toddler is addicted to the mother by nature: there is nothing you can do about it. As soon you accept this, you’ll be on your own way to relate to the child.

I don’t have the same XP as most fathers here, but I do enjoy to learn from everyone and you need to open your mind to do the same as well.

My life changed forever: it’s a lot of work but there is nothing in this world that I know of that is as beautiful as becoming a father. Buckle up and enjoy this hell of a ride. It is a lot of fun down the road!

[Ken Gargett]

huge congrats. 

it is possible i may not be the person to give advice but i'm thinking boarding school. nannies. hide your cigars and stock up now as one suspects that the wife may not be fully on board with money going towards dried vegetation as opposed to the child, education, holidays etc. 

[cigaraholic]

If your in the delivery room, don’t freak out when the babies head comes out looking like prune head.....the plates will expand and you’ll have a normal looking child. They tell you contractions are 2 minutes apart, but they last well over a minute. So that 2 minute break you think your going to have might last 30 seconds, if your lucky.

[BoliDan]

Congrats!

My wife and I set up times to watch the kiddo at night to ensure some sleep. I took the early shift 10pm to 2am (because I had to go to work) and she took the night. Nap if you can when the baby naps. 4 hours of sleep isnt too out of the ordinary. Be aware of your wife's general mood. The baby blues are very real. My wife got super depressed and would not tell me about it. It was really hard.

Best to you and your fam. 

 

 

[Jackdani7401]

First off…Huge Congratulations!!!🥳🥳

If you’re at all queasy at the sight of blood, don’t watch! If you’re not queasy, be in shorts and a tee shirt, you’ll be hotter then you’ll anticipate. If you pass out, they’ll get to you eventually…mom and baby are their priority. 😂

Watch this video, it was extremely helpful trying to figure out what was going on with the baby for the first 8 weeks or so. https://youtu.be/afMNp6Q4u7s
 

 

Work in shifts with your wife…both parents as walking zombies doesn’t help anyone. Pump as much as she can, if you’re going to nurse. Don’t be afraid to supplement formula in there too…a fed baby is a happy baby. 
 

Track feedings and changings in an app…very helpful when one parent is sleeping and the other wants to know what baby did while they were sleeping. 
 

Track their developmental leaps as well…if you’re not expecting a leap it’ll make you question everything you’ve been doing. 
 

Time does go by fast, and the first 12-16 weeks are a kick in the 🥜….but the first time they smile at you will make you quickly forget about the lack of sleep. 

[Hypersomniac]

First, take off your ring in the delivery room. It hurts a lot less when your wife squeezes your hand if you are not wearing a ring.

Soak it all in and be present with your child (and your wife). We just had boy number four in November. We were looking back at pictures of our other kids before this one came and we could hardly remember when they were small. It goes unbelievably fast, so take some pictures; but don't focus too much on taking pictures and not enough on enjoying the moment.

Like JohnS said, talk to your child. Some may disagree with me, but just talk, there is no need for the baby voice. Your talking is a way of teaching the baby. A baby voice makes it harder to learn.

Sometime this week, celebrate with a good cigar and a drink. You are a father now, your life has changed, and you will do great.

[Ford2112]

I don't have kids so take this with a grain of salt. But get your kids into stuff you are into so you can take trips with them and buy them stuff that's actually for you. Also, this way you can be the cooler parent. And thats important. Good luck .

 

[RDB]

Just remember - millions of idiots have been successfully raising children for thousands of years, without parenting manuals or the internet. Much better to ask for a bit of practical advice as you go from a person you trust. Otherwise just love em and trust your instincts.

My one big serious bit of advice is a bit like @Rhinoww and @shokao above: share the childcare properly. All that ‘boring’ stuff getting them dressed, feeding, changing, bathing, etc. has a huge impact on emotional attachment and trust. Very rich people who contract all this out to nannies often have terrible relationships with their kids as a result…

Also, a thing that more men should get told: you are about to get a demotion, so be ready for that. You’re no longer your partner’s top priority. Don’t fight it! Parenting can build a different and wonderful relationship.

[Meklown]

Run

[PuroDiario]

The joy is in the journey not the destination. Enjoy, and cherish every minute of silence bc there will be very few 😅

[ha_banos]

Take a portrait photo every day.

[helix]

take it easy. google ready new.............

 

[LordAnubis]

My daughter is 3 months. So it’s all fresh. 
 

 Firstly, the second night will be the worst of mums life. Soemthing called cluster feeding. Get as much rest as you can on night 1 and let her her rest as much as she can second day in preparation for the night. It was brutal. 
 

second most important I think is figuring out sleep. Whatever the baby needs to get the longest possible sleep. The first 3 or 4 days I watched my daughter for hours while she was sleeping and did many experiments on what was waking her up etc we found the bed elevated on the head side, white noise playing off YouTube, tightly wrapped swaddle (she screamed murder when you wrap her, but the second the wrap is done she was basically asleep) was what helped ours. She didn’t care about light, and once asleep didn’t care about general noises. 

- nappies aren’t so bad. And you’re going to get pooed peed and spewed on. It’s all good. Highly recommend being aware not to be in the line of fire. My wife didn’t believe me. She learnt the hard way. 

- get your hands dirty. It’s a tough gig for mum. Help out with everything you can.

- it really helps to have meals ready. Mum will want to eat at random times. Either buy prepared meals from some home cook or get soem decent easy meals in the freezer. 

-learn to work through the crying. Sometimes when a baby is crying it’s like it pierced your ear drums and your brain and your heart. But you gotta learn to get that nappy change done regarless of the crying, or get that swaddle wrapped. Needs to be done type of stuff. But yeah my mum in law is absolutely terrible at it. As an example  they wouldn’t saddle her because of how much she cries in the process, so they would just put the wrap over her, and then she’d wake up in 20 mins so the mother in law would sit next to the cot for the next hour and half and shake the cot. Where asif you just wrap her and get it done and put her down, the  she’ll sleep fine for 2 hours 

- you’re going to be shattered. Deal with it. 

- some good websites around about raising babies. Raisingchildren.net.au is what we used. Try and stick to one. 

- overall it’s been great for us but I know we have a pretty chill baby so grateful for that. 

- know that it’s temporary. They’ll sleep for 2 hours and you think you’re going to be doing this forever then one night suddenly they’ll sleep for 5 hours straight. Just remember it’s all temporary. 

- as others have said spend as much time talking and touching your baby. It’s great fun. 

- here there’s great support. The midwives from hospital come home for a few visitors for a a few weeks then there’s soem community health nurses who come around. Ask lots of questions if you’re not sure. 

- remain calm. Your baby is gonna cry and you gotta keep calm and deal with the issues. I swear my daughter cna sense of I’m panicking. Don’t be afraid to just put your baby down safely ofcourse and once all the usual suspects are checked. The amount of times nothing has stopped her crying and I put her down out of frustration and she just instantly sleeps. I tell ya. 

- try everything. Don’t be afraid to try gadgets like SNOO or what not. Whatever works for you and the baby. 

That’s all I can think of. Good luck. It’ll be great. 

lastly. Look after yourselves as people have said. You’re not going to enjoy every minute of it. You’ll have good days and bad. Learn to get the help you need. Having others around to help is not always the solution. Look out for the very serious signs of anxiety and depression. Take every feeling mum has seriously no matter how crazy you think it is. Issues don’t come up overnight. They’re generally a culmination out of desperation over several days/weeks of tiredness etc. so yeah. Both of you look after each other with whatever you each need. 

[Rhinoww]

Forgot to add this one, but I would strongly recommend that you start various traditions along the way - I always took care of the kids on Sunday am and had a blast making videos of them, reading books at night time, candy during football games (worked well, both my kids love the sport) going to McDonald’s for a diet code to chat, whatever. Kids love the one on one time and really appreciate the direct attention. 
For now though, keep your child fed and dry and you will be ahead of the game

[PigFish]

Keep them at 70F and 60rH to start and see how they develop from there.

My standard answer for everything on a cigar board. Congrats!