Horrible news out just now!

[ElJavi76]

Mental health needs to be addressed. Talk. Often. About anything or nothing. 

I read this thread and see that some of you have lost friends and family to depression. I'm sorry for your loss. Whatever their heartache / biochemical imbalance was can no longer afflict them.

Bourdain did battle substance abuse and was very candid and open about it. Sad, sad news. 

Celebs like Kanye West are starting to open up more about their mental health. 

Tough to say the right thing at times like this, but I hope we seek help if we're feeling despair or be the one to help a friend or loved one in need. Sigh!

[westg]

He was someone I always wanted to meet...loved the man ...his books his cooking ...his wit...so sad ...

[Bartolomeo]

RIP Anthony Bourdain....you provided many insights of two of my favorite things, cooking and travel

[Ken Gargett]

very sad news. first came across him many years ago through one of his novels. liked his writing a lot. enjoyed the shows - especially when he just spoke to camera. the prepared stuff i found a little more pompous but he was still way better than most. 

such a shame he felt driven to this. we always assume that celebrities, the rich, the beautiful must always be happy and content but i do not think that mental illness distinguishes. such an insidious and cruel disease and one which also takes its toll on all those around them. 

[Colt45]

1 hour ago, NSXCIGAR said:

Hmm...I'm not sure how my post was interpreted as this not being a tragedy.

If he offed himself intentionally it's not tragic, and in the end, no amount of talking about it would have helped. I was watching the evening news two nights ago, and there was a bit about a man in court for killing a woman and her dog in a head on traffic collision - his fault, not hers. Didn't pay much attention until they showed her name and a picture.

I then realized she was a woman I'd worked with for three years some time ago. I'd worked with her, her father and her two brothers. I knew her husband. She was fifty two years old - just driving down the road with her dog. That's tragic.

 

[Ken Gargett]

2 minutes ago, Colt45 said:

If he offed himself intentionally it's not tragic, and in the end, no amount of talking about it would have helped. I was watching the evening news two nights ago, and there was a bit about a man in court for killing a woman and her dog in a head on traffic collision - his fault, not hers. Didn't pay much attention until they showed her name and a picture.

I then realized she was a woman I'd worked with for three years some time ago. I'd worked with her, her father and her two brothers. I knew her husband. She was fifty two years old - just driving down the road with her dog. That's tragic.

 

colt, not to in any way diminish the tragedy of your friend - which is indeed terrible - but (and i should preface this by saying that perhaps we do not know all the circumstances and facts re bourdain but assuming this was a suicide as a result of severe depression) i don't agree that it is not tragic (i do not mean because it is bourdain - applies to anyone). i also most emphatically do not agree that no amount of talking would have helped. it may have been just what he needed to help him past his issues. should we just give up on people with depression? 

what is perhaps unfair is that when it is someone like bourdain (or the other woman who designed bags? to be honest, i'd never heard of her before but clearly many had), they get all the press and attention and someone else who suffers just as badly and does the same thing but who is just joe ordinary is ignored, dismissed or forgotten. as are people like your friend. but such is the world, sadly. 

[dicko]

Super sad news. Gemma and I wllived his tv shows and I liked following his jiu jitsu.

 

Sent from my SM-N910G using Tapatalk

 

 

 

 

[Colt45]

2 minutes ago, Ken Gargett said:

.......i also most emphatically do not agree that no amount of talking would have helped

KG, I pretty much agree with all your points, but I have the (unfortunate) experience of knowing that one can put themselves in therapy trying to help a loved one, to no avail. It's not that you don't give it your all, but that in the end, it's completely out of your hands.

I've had the closest of friends have to cut down their brother hanging from a tree in the woods. His brother killed himself just last year. A most beautiful woman died of brain cancer less than two years ago, after suffering with other ailments for some time. Her husband died of lung cancer less than ten years prior. Friends dead from drug overdoses. None of this is made up.

So yes, people like AB get the press, and that's OK because he was a celebrity. And I do think his death unfortunate and somewhat sad, and do not take depression lightly - I especially feel for his family. But you'll have to try and forgive me if I don't shed a tear for him, or at least his public persona.

 

[Ken Gargett]

6 minutes ago, Colt45 said:

KG, I pretty much agree with all your points, but I have the (unfortunate) experience of knowing that one can put themselves in therapy trying to help a loved one, to no avail. It's not that you don't give it your all, but that in the end, it's completely out of your hands.

I've had the closest of friends have to cut down their brother hanging from a tree in the woods. His brother killed himself just last year. A most beautiful woman died of brain cancer less than two years ago, after suffering with other ailments for some time. Her husband died of lung cancer less than ten years prior. Friends dead from drug overdoses. None of this is made up.

So yes, people like AB get the press, and that's OK because he was a celebrity. And I do think his death unfortunate and somewhat sad, and do not take depression lightly - I especially feel for his family. But you'll have to try and forgive me if I don't shed a tear for him, or at least his public persona.

 

colt, for me, he deserves no more nor any less sympathy from us because of his position. 

don't doubt what you say re the very sad experiences. depression i think is a different category to things like brain tumours etc. those are the sort of things that the medical profession needs to do what they can. but depression is something we can all help with. of course, easier said. so often, even those close have no idea until it is too late. we have to try and convince people that there is no stigma. they need to talk to people about it. make sure those around them know. 

[Colt45]

10 minutes ago, Ken Gargett said:

but depression is something we can all help with. of course, easier said.

I'm sorry - this is all way more personal than I like to get... We can see it from miles away and try our best, but if one has their mind set, they'll lie to your face. And then be gone.

[Duxnutz]

These types of things alway come as a surprise. Well maybe not. One thing most men are bad at communication and when things like mental illness come to town don’t know how to react. I’ve seen it in my own life, people like to act concerned and feign sympathy then disappear. No wonder so many people are killing themselves these days..... we just don’t give enough fucks anymore.

[madandana]

Devastating news. Really liked this guy and one of the few people in the spot lite these days I'd love to hang out with. RIP.

 

 

[westg]

5 hours ago, Duxnutz said:

These types of things alway come as a surprise. Well maybe not. One thing most men are bad at communication and when things like mental illness come to town don’t know how to react. I’ve seen it in my own life, people like to act concerned and feign sympathy then disappear. No wonder so many people are killing themselves these days..... we just don’t give enough fucks anymore.

With you on that....will not say anymore..

 

[helix]

Must be just unimaginably awful when you cannot take it anymore and are driven to that point. RIP.

[Fugu]

Really didn't want to get into this thread. But let me just add - a general note, as I don't know the man and don't want to give way to speculation, out of respect - ....nothing to do with cowardice, not the least! Often quite the opposite. And nothing that us non-affected folks can empathize, not even remotely. Those people are suffering. And the brutal truth is, they are fully aware of the situation - and still see no other way out. Attentive friends and family are one thing - but in the end, only (only!) careful medication and professional therapy can help. Shocked to see so many members here being personally affected in their closer surroundings.

[Colt45]

2 hours ago, Weaponiz'd1 said:

I'll prepare my hotsuit now, but what he did to a very young daughter, is tragic. Cowardice, even.

I'd never met him, so I've no idea what he was truly like. My thoughts on his public persona, how I feel he portrayed himself in his books and on his shows are my own and mean nothing. I can't personally imagine the depths one must sink to in order to even consider taking one's own life. His family and friends surely deserve our compassion - anything less is, in the best of light, a disservice.

[El Corojo]

Was really sad, I really love watching his shows. Super talented guy, I think he had a young daughter as well.

[BrightonCorgi]

On 6/8/2018 at 12:28 PM, joeypots said:

Yea, what a shitty thing. He started his career about ten miles from where I live in Provincetown Massachusetts. 

You're from the Cape?  I grew up there as well.

[Orion21]

Shocked and saddened by the news of his suicide. I would never judge a person so in pain that they chose death over life. He was obviously battling demons many of us will never experience. Having followed Tony since the beginning I know he had many issues, which he openly discussed. He was recently divorced from his second wife who, in public he worshiped. I would imagine his demons and travel schedule lead to the break. He was an addict and it’s quite possible the stress induced a relapse that would have contributed to the final result. Speculation on my part, but it’s logical. 

Tony was at the top of my list of people I would have chosen to share a meal and bottle of wine . . . Or two! A supreme storyteller, fantastic writer and personality. I am devistated for his young daughter. Nothing he could have left behind will help her ever understand why he would leave her. She is the true victim, along with his family. 

[joeypots]

2 hours ago, BrightonCorgi said:

You're from the Cape?  I grew up there as well.

I'm in Wellfleet. Been here since '87. Harwichport as a kid in the summer while I grew up in Lowell.

[Ribeye]

From a medical point of view, these deaths are often not intentional suicides at all, but an accidental death from Auto-erotic asphyxiation (AEA).  They usually are not reported as such due to the embarrassing stigma.  Several Hollywood personalities have met death in this fashion, as well as children and adults from all walks of life.  

http://www.thezephyr.com/deadlyclimax.htm

[srbuck]

Wow;; His last episode is now airing on CNN...In Berlin..You can get ANYTHING you want.. In Berlin...ANYTHING...Agree with one of the previous posts;  His daughter will hurt forever as will the Spade children..

[Ryan]

Sad news. He did a couple of good shows in Havana, he sounded like he "got it".

A friend of mine here in Dublin, in publishing and likes food, knew him quite well and showed him around food places in Dublin the couple of times he came here.

He said he was just the same off camera as on. Easy going, no BS.

A friend of mine lost a brother to suicide back in April. She had another brother die in a car crash when she was 10, and another brother die mountain climbing 20 years ago.

I can't imagine what her parents are going through having lost 3 sons.

[BrightonCorgi]

18 hours ago, joeypots said:

I'm in Wellfleet. Been here since '87. Harwichport as a kid in the summer while I grew up in Lowell.

My wife is from Lowell and I grew up in Falmouth.

[OZCUBAN]

 

 

 

Went to a funeral on Friday. 

an old work college who decided to hang him self leaving a wife a two kids behind ,so sad the wreckage left behind that loved ones have to deal with and clean up not to mention the scaring.

scary as hell as I had a run in with the BLACK DOG earlier this year 

as for me I am doing ok,never thought it would be me ,who does.it is an insidious disease /condition. I have  peered into the Abyss and it’s not nice at all .

lucky for me I have this place (Via VPN ?) and the best friends any one could ever wish for ,so guys/gals talking and reaching out makes all the difference .it did for me 

saw this on the news feed yesterday a very good analogy ..so true 

 

 

 

When you have depression it’s like it snows every day.

Some days it’s only a couple of inches. It’s a pain in the a**, but you still make it to work, the grocery store. Sure, maybe you skip the gym or your friend’s birthday party, but it IS still snowing and who knows how bad it might get tonight. Probably better to just head home.

Your friend notices, but probably just thinks you are flaky now, or kind of an a**hole.

Some days it snows a foot. You spend an hour shovelling out your driveway and are late to work. Your back and hands hurt from shovelling. You leave early because it’s really coming down out there. Your boss notices.

Some days it snows four feet. You shovel all morning but your street never gets ploughed.

You are not making it to work, or anywhere else for that matter. You are so sore and tired you just get back in the bed. By the time you wake up, all your shovelling has filled back in with snow. Looks like your phone rang; people are wondering where you are.

You don’t feel like calling them back, too tired from all the shovelling. Plus they don’t get this much snow at their house so they don’t understand why you’re still stuck at home. They just think you’re lazy or weak, although they rarely come out and say it.

Some weeks it’s a full-blown blizzard. When you open your door, it’s to a wall of snow. The power flickers, then goes out. It’s too cold to sit in the living room anymore, so you get back into bed with all your clothes on. The stove and microwave won’t work so you eat a cold Pop Tart and call that dinner. You haven’t taken a shower in three days, but how could you at this point? You’re too cold to do anything except sleep.

Sometimes people get snowed in for the winter. The cold seeps in. No communication in or out. The food runs out. What can you even do, tunnel out of a forty foot snow bank with your hands? How far away is help? Can you even get there in a blizzard? If you do, can they even help you at this point? Maybe it’s death to stay here, but it’s death to go out there too.

The thing is, when it snows all the time, you get worn all the way down. You get tired of being cold. You get tired of hurting all the time from shovelling, but if you don’t shovel on the light days, it builds up to something unmanageable on the heavy days. You resent the hell out of the snow, but it doesn’t care, it’s just a blind chemistry, an act of nature. It carries on regardless, unconcerned and unaware if it buries you or the whole world.

Also, the snow builds up in other areas, places you can’t shovel, sometimes places you can’t even see. Maybe it’s on the roof. Maybe it’s on the mountain behind the house. Sometimes, there’s an avalanche that blows the house right off its foundation and takes you with it. A veritable Act of God, nothing can be done. The neighbours say it’s a shame and they can’t understand it; he was doing so well with his shovelling.

—

I don’t know how it went down for Anthony Bourdain or Kate Spade. It seems like they got hit by the avalanche, but it could’ve been the long, slow winter. Maybe they were keeping up with their shovelling. Maybe they weren’t. Sometimes, shovelling isn’t enough anyway. It’s hard to tell from the outside, but it’s important to understand what it’s like from the inside.

I firmly believe that understanding and compassion have to be the base of effective action. It’s important to understand what depression is, how it feels, what it’s like to live with it, so you can help people both on an individual basis and a policy basis. I’m not putting heavy sh*t out here to make your Friday morning suck. I know it feels gross to read it, and realistically it can be unpleasant to be around it, that’s why people pull away.

Food writer Anthony Bourdain tragically took his own life over the weekend.Source:News Corp Australia

I don’t have a message for people with depression like “keep shovelling”. It’s asinine. Of course you’re going to keep shovelling the best you can, until you physically can’t, because who wants to freeze to death inside their own house? We know what the stakes are. My message is to everyone else. Grab a f***ing shovel and help your neighbour. Slap a mini snow plow on the front of your truck and plough your neighbourhood. Petition the city council to buy more salt trucks, so to speak.

Depression is blind chemistry and physics, like snow. And like the weather, it is a mindless process, powerful and unpredictable with great potential for harm. But like climate change, that doesn’t mean we are helpless. If we want to stop losing so many people to this disease, it will require action at every level.

— Anonymous