El Presidente Posted December 9, 2021 Share Posted December 9, 2021 Below is part of an email I received this week. You have the conversation and the dousch throws a tanty that ruins a ritual that your wife actually loves. Just suck it up? Ideas if you have any. I have linked him to this thread. _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________ "it is not that i am tight. I am not really. I love to share what I have but I don't like but in this case i know I am being taken advantage of and need your recommendations. Rob you know I smoke expensive cigars in CORO, Lancero, V and the occasional VI but I am not made of money. I smoke less but more if you know what I mean. I generally only have a cigar Friday nights where my wife and I catch up with her sister and my brother in law for dinner. We alternate houses and both houses have a nice area to smoke in. The problem? for the last 5 years I bring the cigars and he hasn't once put his hand in his pocket. He doesn't drink and so can't really contribute there. He enjoys the cigars but doesn't officially smoke so he doesn't have his own stash. I bought some Monte 1 on 2424 and gave him one to smoke while I had a V and he had the gall to say he preferred the V that I was smoking. He smoked one the previous week. Do I just take cheaper cigars (which I don't want to do) or do I just have a tough conversation with him. Maybe i just put up with it. maybe there is a high quality cheaper cigar that gives me as much satisfaction as a siglo V?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post mprach024 Posted December 9, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted December 9, 2021 Apparently this guys brother is also my golf league partner. 2 16 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Jfeath74 Posted December 9, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted December 9, 2021 Buy him a desktop humidor for Christmas and send him a link to 24:24. 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post NSXCIGAR Posted December 9, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted December 9, 2021 Bring some JLP next time for the both of you. When he asks where's the Cohiba tell him you couldn't afford any this week. Then you can mention the cost of each and how it strains the budget, and unfortunately you can only afford to smoke one a week going forward, but you'll give him another JLP next time so he has something to smoke. 12 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Meklown Posted December 9, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted December 9, 2021 ask the wife to talk to her sister to talk to him 1 1 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post SirVantes Posted December 9, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted December 9, 2021 Maybe look at it this way - if we were talking about drinks, would you show up with 2 bottles, saying "I'm having the Johnnie Blue, and here's a nice Johnnie Red for you"? I figure there's a cost to be being social, and eventually it all evens out. We've all been beneficiaries of generous folks; so be one of those folks. 12 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
williamthewolf Posted December 9, 2021 Share Posted December 9, 2021 @NSXCIGAR said it best. It's also very well possible he doesn't know the slightest bit what the Cohibas cost. Might actually be fun to try explore some other sticks. For now I'd enjoy the Cohibas alone and up your smoke days to 2x a week, or if bro-in-law understands the deal, you can do what you did which is bring Cohiba for yourself and something else for him without the awkwardness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post NSXCIGAR Posted December 9, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted December 9, 2021 34 minutes ago, Meklown said: ask the wife to talk to her sister to talk to him Then the wife seems cheap to her sister or critical of the husband. Best to leave her out of it. The main problem is that this has been going on for 5 years! That's 10 boxes of Cohiba dished out to this guy. This kind of thing I don't even let develop. At week 2 I give the guy a JLP and say you know how much these Cohibas cost? I can barely afford them, let alone give them away. First one was a gift--don't mention it. If you want more, we do a box split but I'm happy to give you JLPs for free. It's always best to be up front and early when it comes to money, family and friends. 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meklown Posted December 9, 2021 Share Posted December 9, 2021 10 minutes ago, NSXCIGAR said: Then the wife seems cheap to her sister or critical of the husband. Best to leave her out of it. It's always best to be up front and early when it comes to money, family and friends. Well I agree with your last statement so I am confused with your first. My relationship with my sister is such that I will call her/her husband out for anything and I expect that she does the same to me and my +1 and not be worried about "looking cheap". I would also have not let it fester for 5 years. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NSXCIGAR Posted December 9, 2021 Share Posted December 9, 2021 26 minutes ago, Meklown said: My relationship with my sister is such that I will call her/her husband out for anything and I expect that she does the same to me and my +1 and not be worried about "looking cheap". Well, I suppose we can all hope to have that kind of relationship with our siblings and in-laws, but many times that is not the state of affairs. Family workings can often be much more complex. Messages can also be distorted after going through two parties before reaching the target. Small things like this can get into people's heads in weird ways, especially when something's festering and been going on for a long time and essentially involves money. Unless there is a compelling reason for not doing so, I prefer dealing with it gently, smartly and one-on-one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edicion Posted December 9, 2021 Share Posted December 9, 2021 Start the next conversation with how the global situation is driving up prices and that you might need to cut back on cigars. Particularly the good stuff since demand and scarcity have shot up the prices. It is all true and can open the conversation further. Hopefully he won't say, "oh luckily I have you to supply me with fine cigars for free". @NSXCIGAR shared some good advice Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post gustavehenne Posted December 9, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted December 9, 2021 My girlfriends brother is staying with us at the moment and we have a bit of a ritual. Every evening we disappear upstairs and try a different cigar. He’s tried everything from CoRo, Monte Especiales, Sig 4, Regios, Padron, Opus X, Choix Supreme etc. I’ve not charged him one penny as it’s a pleasure to kick back and smoke. Would I share my Lanceros, Sig V and other top shelf collection - maybe but Sparingly and for a special occasion (or when I have too much to drink and am not thinking clearly). 😂 He loves the Cohiba brand but he prefers Regios and others - my advice, similar to others, would be to get some similar tasty sticks in and continue what sounds like a nice tradition. I quickly removed any thoughts that we are only smoking Cohiba by introducing him to many different brands. If he continues to want to smoke Sig V and other stratospheric cigars on a weekly basis I would casually ask for a contribution. But then, I don’t have problems with approaching those types of discussions 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BEVOSREVENGE Posted December 9, 2021 Share Posted December 9, 2021 Family is family whether through blood or marriage, and five years of tradition is hard to overcome. There are literally dozens of cigar choices that are cheaper than a lancero or Sig V that are very, very tasty. If it were me, I'd continue the tradition with one of those other options. Then, if the subject is ever broached by the BIL and he wants to smoke lanceros and Sig V every week, the concept of box splits is laid on the table for him to accept or deny. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post RDB Posted December 9, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted December 9, 2021 The OP is obviously pissed off. So something has to change. What’s wrong with saying: “Brother, these things are getting seriously expensive, so how do you feel about sharing the cost of what we smoke together?” Then there are lots of ways of managing the details: buy a joint box, buy two boxes and keep one at each house, run a cigar fund etc. One bit of obvious BS: the moocher certainly is ‘officially a smoker’. Smokes every week. By the way, there are many people I’d give cigars to forever. They are generous in other ways, or relative to their means. But if it doesn’t feel right, then it isn’t. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anacostiakat Posted December 9, 2021 Share Posted December 9, 2021 I think I would just bring some lower priced sticks that I like. If prompted I would let it be known that inflationary prices have caused me to cut back on what I buy. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Ryan Posted December 9, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted December 9, 2021 After five years no contribution. I think after a few weeks, maybe a month or two, I'd be going to their house, enjoying the company and the drinks, then smoking a cigar when I get home, in my own smoking area. When the other couple comes to my house, I'd have a cigar after they leave. Every night out does not have to be a charity event. Bringing cheaper cigars for the moocher could just make the person who is actually paying for them look cheap. Weirdly, I know, when the other guy has contributed nothing. Another option, and I know people who do this, is to suggest $20 each per dinner party for cigars (or whatever your cost is). To include the spouses, make it $50 each for cigars and a nice bottle of something (wine, brandy, port, whiskey, after-dinner liqueur, whatever). That's costs covered and everyone gets a try a new taste of something at every dinner, with no friction. If he refuses, well then Plan A above. 5 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fuzz Posted December 9, 2021 Share Posted December 9, 2021 Buy a shitload of Nudies and tell the BIL they are custom cigars made just for the OP at a very high cost. Get some bands made up and slap them on. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enduin Posted December 9, 2021 Share Posted December 9, 2021 There is one main thing that I don't understand: if this mooching has been going on for 5 years, which has very obviously created some resentment over time, why did he give the moocher a SigV the week before??? Sounds very undeserved and also asking for trouble, which in fact it did. The biggest problem I see here is the length this tradition has being going on. After a few times of bringing free cigars a conversation about buying boxes jointly to smoke on those Fridays should have happened. Now after five years that conversation is a lot more difficult and tricky to have without drama. Using the current cigar shortage and price hikes is definitely the best bet. "Sorry I didn't bring anything but I had to cut down on my cigars, they are hard to find and doubled in price". If the moocher is disappointed and complains then the OP can say "We can go in on a box together to offset the expense". If the moocher is ok with it, then that's it, no more cigars for him and the OP can smoke his cigars at home on any other day that is not Friday. Otherwise if the OP does not want to give up the tradition of smoking together on Fridays, he needs to give some thought to how much that enjoyment is worth and if maybe the resentment is unwarranted. There's plenty of cigars cheaper than Cohiba that are plenty good in that case. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arctic Dude Posted December 9, 2021 Share Posted December 9, 2021 He should be more than happy to smoke whatever he is given; the offering of any cigar is still most generous. If he doesn't like what he is offered, he doesn't have to smoke it. Keep smoking what you want, and offer him whatever you feel is reasonable. No reason you both have to smoke the same thing. It doesn't sound like he is drinking what you are, so why does he have to smoke what you are! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post SCgarman Posted December 9, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted December 9, 2021 Moochers are lowlifes, regardless of whether they are family members or strangers. The worst thing you can do for a moocher is "enable" them to mooch in perpetuity. Cut the guy off from your cigars completely. He is a taker and will never give. The more I read about stories like this, the more I love my two dogs and my parrot. 2 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fuzz Posted December 9, 2021 Share Posted December 9, 2021 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Ford2112 Posted December 9, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted December 9, 2021 This dude is acting like a victim. Speak your mind or get over it. Having a resentment is like taking poison in the hopes the other person dies. I would say look dude these things are expensive we need to go halves on a box. Problem solved. 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chibearsv Posted December 9, 2021 Share Posted December 9, 2021 The routine is already in place. If the brother in law is cheap, it's better than asking the brother in law to supply the smokes every other week. That would lead to RP or lord knows what. I say just keep going with the routine and buck up. It's a good thing that the B-I-L has preferences. It's fun to smoke with someone that actually enjoys it rather than someone that says they enjoy it and smokes only 1/4 of a cigar while they turn green. Cheap brother in laws are not uncommon if you know what I mean 😁 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tjkoala Posted December 9, 2021 Share Posted December 9, 2021 Find an online retailer who sells Siglo Vs and shoot him a text that says the following: "Hey man, you said that you really liked those Cohiba's and I found you a retailer that can probably get you a box for the holidays. Just hit that 'notify when back in stock' button and you'll get an email." He'll see the price tag on the siglos and will stop complaining about the monte's. Extra brownie points if you buy him a desktop humidor like @Jfeath74 suggested for x-mas. If he mentions it again just politely suggest that he buy the next box and you guys can start taking turns with who brings the cigars. Generosity goes both ways with friendships, can't always give or take. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Nino Posted December 9, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted December 9, 2021 10 minutes ago, Ford2112 said: This dude is acting like a victim. Speak your mind or get over it. Having a resentment is like taking poison in the hopes the other person dies. ^^^^^ This. All else is just drama queen stuff. 6 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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