Your best/worst faux pas...? (cigar related or otherwise)

[MoeFOH]

I'm sure I have many others (most are erased, thankfully, from memory by booze), but this one leapt to mind recently, when catching up with our friend Jack. 

A couple of years back, we're on a bit of a pub crawl, walking with Jack & Eileen (his new girlfriend, at the time) and some other folks from my wife's work. J&E my wife knows well, but I'm meeting them for the first time. The meandering conversation somehow turns to Monty Python, everyone's a big fan, and I'm right in there like a shot, loudly quoting Life of Brian from the hilarious "I want to be called Loretta; I want to be a woman; I want to have babies" scene: "Why do you want to be called Loretta, Stan?", "You haven't got a womb, where's the foetus going to gestate, you going to keep it in a box!?"...and all that. 

Sniggers from J&E, at best. Weird, I thought. Aren't these guys supposed to be fans?

Shortly thereafter, I am to learn that J's relatively recent ex is named Loretta. On the weekend J was about to propose, Loretta breaks up with him. Barely a few months later, she's engaged to some other guy... and she's also pregnant to the new man. ?

--

Maybe it's cigar related, maybe it isn't, but what's the best/worst faux pas you've managed to pull off? Or should we call it a FOH pas? 

[MD Puffer]

I cut the rind off of brie.  Totally gauche, but I'm unapologetic.

 

[ponfed]

When I was a young, I once made a dumb condescending and downright classist joke about garbage men.

Joking about who remembers what with an acquaintance, I told him: That's fine, but it's not like you have a stupid job like garbage man. 

He was a garbage man. 

I still cringe at myself recalling this. Still hate the way I looked down upon that hard, dirty and completely essential job and the people who do it. 

It did make me challenge my assumptions... 

[El Presidente]

I was cooking a BBQ for the Czar team on the deck. 

The gas bottle caught on fire.  

Smithy did the best George Costanza impersonation that I have ever seen as he pushed Di and Lisa out of his way. He ran onto the street. 

The deck caught on fire. 

I put it out. finished the BBQ. 

It may or may not have been cigar related. Unproven to this day. It happened again a year later 

 

 

[MoeFOH]

37 minutes ago, ponfed said:

When I was a young, I once made a dumb condescending and downright classist joke about garbage men.

Joking about who remembers what with an acquaintance, I told him: That's fine, but it's not like you have a stupid job like garbage man. 

He was a garbage man. 

I still cringe at myself recalling this. Still hate the way I looked down upon that hard, dirty and completely essential job and the people who do it. 

It did make me challenge my assumptions... 

That's a tough situation. We've all said stupid things when young. I never stopped. Did you end up in the garbage or just feeling that way? : )

[MoeFOH]

18 minutes ago, El Presidente said:

Smithy did the best George Costanza impersonation that I have ever seen as he pushed Di and Lisa out of his way. He ran onto the street. 

Ha ha... Good to know. I was filming Smithy BBQing for ShooAway the other week. I'll be plenty wary next time in case anything catches alight. : )

[gweilgi]

 

Once called a lady by the wrong name the morning after.

The relationship did not endure.

[ponfed]

35 minutes ago, MoeFOH said:

That's a tough situation. We've all said stupid things when young. I never stopped. Did you end up in the garbage or just feeling that way? : )

No just felt like garbage ;). We didn't know each other that well, but we were friendly. 

I remember seeing in his face that it wounded him.

Still think about him when I catch myself feeling above someone or something.

[zeedubbya]

Recently, I had some fun with changing peoples pronunciation of their names in my phone.  It’s quite fun, you should try it sometime.  I don’t know about on Android, but on an iPhone you can tell Siri how you want it to pronounce someone’s name.  Exactly how you want to pronounce it.  I was fooling around with it at home one day awhile back, and put one of our bosses name in as “Dumbass Redneck.”   

One day I get called in front of him as he was claiming I didn’t call him when I had an issue and either I must not have any respect for him or I must not have him stored in my phone.....I told him in the most indigant way, “Yes I do watch this”, “Hey Siri call so and so”.  He waits, I try to cancel it in a panic, and out of Siri’s lovely voice comes “Calling Dumbass Redneck”   Fortunately, my main boss (the one who matters) was present and started laughing  hysterically saying, “I guess you got the answer to your question” and I was off the hook.  Strangely enough, after this incident we have become pretty good friends....Or so I think....

[Derboesekoenig]

12 hours ago, zeedubbya said:

Recently, I had some fun with changing peoples pronunciation of their names in my phone.  It’s quite fun, you should try it sometime.  I don’t know about on Android, but on an iPhone you can tell Siri how you want it to pronounce someone’s name.  Exactly how you want to pronounce it.  I was fooling around with it at home one day awhile back, and put one of our bosses name in as “Dumbass Redneck.”   

One day I get called in front of him as he was claiming I didn’t call him when I had an issue and either I must not have any respect for him or I must not have him stored in my phone.....I told him in the most indigant way, “Yes I do watch this”, “Hey Siri call so and so”.  He waits, I try to cancel it in a panic, and out of Siri’s lovely voice comes “Calling Dumbass Redneck”   Fortunately, my main boss (the one who matters) was present and started laughing  hysterically saying, “I guess you got the answer to your question” and I was off the hook.  Strangely enough, after this incident we have become pretty good friends....Or so I think....

I am definitely stealing this and trying it

[ayepatz]

14 hours ago, El Presidente said:

I was cooking a BBQ for the Czar team on the deck. 

The gas bottle caught on fire.  

Smithy did the best George Costanza impersonation that I have ever seen as he pushed Di and Lisa out of his way. He ran onto the street. 

The deck caught on fire. 

I put it out. finished the BBQ. 

 It may or may not have been cigar related. Unproven to this day. It happened again a year later 



 

[hedgeybaby]

33 minutes ago, ayepatz said:

 

Are you alluding to Rob's Spanish heritage?

[Colt45]

None I'd be willing to share publicly......

Other than waiting to meet up with a friend on Boston Common the Friday afternoon of Boston Marathon weekend, only to be stood up....  ?

Oh woe is me.....

[MoeFOH]

39 minutes ago, Colt45 said:

None I'd be willing to share publicly......

Other than waiting to meet up with a friend on Boston Common the Friday afternoon of Boston Marathon weekend, only to be stood up....  ?

Oh woe is me.....

Who the hell was that inconsiderate bum?

[cookj1]

...not holding a wine glass by the stem and stamping out a cigar.  

[SigmundChurchill]

I was giving anesthesia for an appendix case, which is usually a very quick surgery.  But this surgeon just took forever, and, at 3 AM no less.

When she finally finished, the conversation went like this, 

Her: “Wow, that appendix was really long.”

Me: “Yeah it was.  It took forever.  What was causing you so much trouble?”

Her: “No, I meant the actual appendix was a physically long appendix.”

 

After that, there was just awkward silence until we left the room.

[BTWheezy]

Wasn’t my gaffe, but I was involved...

Hanging out with some friends at a beer garden one summer afternoon, including a guy I hadn’t met before.  Beautiful day, beers are flowing...all good.  The new guy glances towards the parking lot, sees this woman walking towards us.  He’s like, “Guys, check this chick coming this way!  She’s f*cking hot!”  We all turn around to check (cuz you know, we’re guys), and we all start laughing!  One of the guys then says “Uhhh...that’s Wheezy’s wife!”  He wanted to crawl under the table!  Still makes me chuckle to this day!

[Fuzz AI]

20 minutes ago, BTWheezy said:

Wasn’t my gaffe, but I was involved...

Hanging out with some friends at a beer garden one summer afternoon, including a guy I hadn’t met before.  Beautiful day, beers are flowing...all good.  The new guy glances towards the parking lot, sees this woman walking towards us.  He’s like, “Guys, check this chick coming this way!  She’s f*cking hot!”  We all turn around to check (cuz you know, we’re guys), and we all start laughing!  One of the guys then says “Uhhh...that’s Wheezy’s wife!”  He wanted to crawl under the table!  Still makes me chuckle to this day!

Similar story from when I was in uni. A bunch of my mates were in the student union bar on a Friday night. We were all getting pretty drunk, when one of my mates yells, "Check out that chick by the bar! She's hot!". We all start looking, trying to see which girl he was referring to. Another mate tell him that he should go up to her and starts shoving him towards the bar. He gets up behind a long haired brunette and says, "Hey! You're hot!".... the brunette turns around and it is a long haired dude.

Suffice it to say, we were all cackling like mad men.

[hedgeybaby]

Being too exuberant on youtube* with my lighter a la Lawrence Davies from Sautters and being lectured by idiots who have never smoked a cigar in their lives, telling me that I'm charring the flavours.

 

*never posted on YT but you get the idea.

[hedgeybaby]

Does anyone know Bill Clinton's handle on here?

[MD Puffer]

5 hours ago, hedgeybaby said:

Does anyone know Bill Clinton's handle on here?

Gurkha prober-in-chief

[joeypots]

In my little business I often see the same people year after year. I'm in a summer resort area and people often come every year at the same time. Many years ago I had a good repeat customer who was in for about the fourth year in a row.  One year his lovely wife was clearly sporting a baby bump under her muumuu.

"When's the baby due?" I asked.

"My wife's not pregnant." Came the answer.

One only does that once.

[Kitchen]

3 hours ago, joeypots said:

In my little business I often see the same people year after year. I'm in a summer resort area and people often come every year at the same time. Many years ago I had a good repeat customer who was in for about the fourth year in a row.  One year his lovely wife was clearly sporting a baby bump under her muumuu.

"When's the baby due?" I asked.

"My wife's not pregnant." Came the answer.

One only does that once.

 

Could not resist.  

[BeerPimp]

On 9/14/2018 at 12:24 PM, Kitchen said:

 

Could not resist.  

My friends boss did that once to a customer in the shop he owned.   My friend still brings that up if his boss is complaining about something he did wrong.  Haha.

[BellevilleMXZ]

My Dad did the same thing to a regular customer in his store....never lived that down!?