For those in Customer service......the most aggravating statements :-)

[El Presidente]

Had a chuckle with a mate at the top end of customer service today (not in the cigar business). we shared some serious laughs and good cigars

You know a bad communication is coming from telephone or e-mail which contains the following in the opening paragragh.

1. You may know who I am
2. You need to prove.
3. I am a long time .....<enter hobby experience>
4. I don't want to pay duties/taxes. What can your company do to ensure I don't.
5. I have researched your background and found some failings
6. I need to use my friends card.
7. I have 1000 likes+ on facebook.
8. I won't report you if....
9. I know your home address
10. You are friends with X which causes me some concerns.
11. You haven't accepted me as a facebook friend

There were a myriad of others

Hat's off to all in customer service. Seriously, we have it sweet here as almost all are friends but if you are in an industry where it is not so.....you deserve every cent you make and more!

Have a great cigar and a tipple this weekend

[planetary]

I last had a customer-facing job in the mid-90s, before social media infected the internet. I suppose I ought not be surprised this kind of garbage has crept into things. Sheesh. People find all kinds of novel ways to be !@#holes.

[NSXCIGAR]

The day I knew I'd made it in business was the day I had the luxury of being able to turn down customers who acted like clowns.

There are plenty of good, appreciative customers who will refer solid business your way that you have to neglect when dealing with idiots. Life's too short and time is precious.

[zeedubbya]

I recently had a complaint that our coffee was too difficult to figure out. This customer had made a purchase and was awaiting the final docs to be prepared.

We have a sign on a Carafe which says "press down for hot coffee".

I contacted the customer and asked for more explanation and she informed me she was a tea drinker and enjoyed our selection of teas very much, but assumed the carafe was hot water and ruined her first tea bag by steeping it in hot coffee. So she was upset about it.

I sent her a nice box of tea with a note saying: please enjoy this tea selection compliments of your new family at ....

She called me to make sure I understood she wasn't family and we just didn't have that kind of relationship. I can't make this up.

[westg]

Was talking with a mate this morning about something similar ....when I receive and email beginning with dear valued customer ...YUCK !

[fabes]

I work for a large company and we get these frequently:

I'm a stockholder...

I've purchased many...

I'm not waiting that long...

You should replace this for free...

I love your company, but I'm about to switch...

The entitlement attitude grows every day.

[MrGlass]

I can't help but laugh when I receive emails ending with:

Kindly anticipating your favourable reply on the same at the earliest.

I think the record for "on the same" references in a single sentence is three.

[PHXCSC]

As I was trying to explain to a patient's husband the complexities of her newly diagnosed (terminal) illness, the patient's obviously astute uncle cut me off mid-sentence and said " you can save your breath, I should probably be teaching you about this- I read all about it on the internet last night ". Nearly speechless, I turned to the husband and asked him if he would like to join me for a cup of coffee just down the hall in my office. We had 2 or 3 cups and a lengthy conversation.....minus Uncle Internet MD. I've had more laughs over the last several years re-telling that story. I think it will stand as one of the top 3 funnies of my career.

[JoeyGunz]

Ignoring the pre-blurb:

"Across these two visits, we were expecting to be charged a call out fee plus one hour of work. Kindly review and revise the invoices accordingly."

It's nice that they were expecting that but expectations and realitiy rarely cross.

[Akela3rd]

I had an email yesterday from a company I sometimes buy cigars from which started "Dear Friend ", then proceeded with offers on various sticks. I replied that I would only be his friend and consider his offers when the cigars I ordered 6 weeks ago arrived on my doorstep.

[anacostiakat]

Good customer service is the art of knowing when your customer is an idiot but not letting them know that you know.

[Blazer]

Our company created a local tv spot that featured two sisters discussing a product. My phone rings one day and an irate older woman tells me that she will never use this product because our company is promoting the "alternative lifestyle" and as a good Christian woman she cannot support any company that promotes "the gays." I calmly explain to her that the women in the ad are sisters and that they clearly establish that relationship in the ad. She dismisses my explanation and continues to spew her hatred for a good 20-minutes. Finally, I break in and say well ma'am I'm sorry you feel that way perhaps as a good Christian woman you should spend some extended time in prayer about your concerns and hung up.

[MPS]

I'm worth $x I will do as I please. I wipe my ass with xxx.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[moryc]

I work in municipal government in traffic operations. We process about 1200 "service requests" from residents related to traffic concerns that require technical analysis (speeding, parking, stop signs etc). In about 95% of the cases no problems are found and the resident get a letter outlining the results in details. So as you can imagine an upset tax payer is right pissed off when their request gets shut down resulting in a call back:

How many kids have to die before you do something?

I pay your wages and I want this, I don't care about standards.

Someone is going to die and you will be personally sued.

[jwr0201]

The one that gets an immediate reaction from me is this...

"I'm a regular customer, so see to it that you get the discount right." Funny that the discount is always over the previous day. Can't help but inform them of this with a wide facial grin!

I'm fortunate that I work a second job in a nice cigar shop more for enjoyment than for the $$$. Obviously will not get rich there, but it has serious bennies.

[irratebass]

Had a chuckle with a mate at the top end of customer service today (not in the cigar business). we shared some serious laughs and good cigars

You know a bad communication is coming from telephone or e-mail which contains the following in the opening paragragh.

• You may know who I am
• You need to prove.
• I am a long time .....<enter hobby experience>
• I don't want to pay duties/taxes. What can your company do to ensure I don't.
• I have researched your background and found some failings
• I need to use my friends card.
• I have 1000 likes+ on facebook.
• I won't report you if....
• I know your home address
• You are friends with X which causes me some concerns.
• You haven't accepted me as a facebook friend

There were a myriad of others

Hat's off to all in customer service. Seriously, we have it sweet here as almost all are friends but if you are in an industry where it is not so.....you deserve every cent you make and more!

Have a great cigar and a tipple this weekend

Thanks Rob.....I am in that field and have been for over 13yrs

Sent from my Nexus 7 using Tapatalk

[DBeets77]

"But, I'm a senior."

Frig off.

[CaptainQuintero]

I work for a large company and we get these frequently:

I love your company, but I'm about to switch...

This works wonders when your broadband/gas/electricity/insurance nears the end of your contract. If you have a competitors deal ready to switch to they will do anything to keep you as a customer. I've had 30% off car insurance, 18 months of broadband for free (only paying for line rental) etc

If you don't ask, you dont get! As long as you are pleasant it's surprising what you get

[DBeets77]

Oh, and for the record, playing the "I am the manager" card is better than sex.

[PigFish]

I can certainly laugh at some of this...

But the fact is that customer service really sucks these days. I really try to be courteous at first when I am unhappy about something... Is that wrong?

There are of course people who will mask their entitlement mindset with a facade of courtesy. Yes, that is laughable... But when you don't have a regular contact, or if your discount has been neglected in the past, is it not better to ask, to communicate rather than get to the point where your are pissed off and have to waste an hour to get your account corrected? Me, I think courteous communication of my needs and concerns is better than trusting to chance and getting pissed off at the 'next' phone call.

It is not a oneway street. I go out of my way to tell people that have been helpful to me that they are exceptional at their job. It really takes very little to be considerate of another person, and that goes for both parties, the seller and the buyer.

-Piggy

[cigcars]

...Agree with Piggy and with El Presidente, Rob. At the transit system job we've had true dingalings who were within feet of approaching the destination we sent them on - and then they turn around...walk all the way back to where we are and literally want you to take their hand and walk them to it - which was so asinine we just plain refused. And of course the complaint letter to our management arrives soon afterwards. "All this dimwit had to do was walk only 8 more FEET and she would have BEEN THERE!!!"

...And then we have smarta-holes who want to call up and point blank tell us, "I'm testing you out to see what you know!" when it comes to an item they have to fill out. Yours truly will only tolerate being told "sit up!" "roll over!" "play dead!" up to a few seconds, and when they come up with their next ploy (because I'm correctly answering everything), I'll then tell them, "Okay, and when you're finished call us back!" and I hang up on THEM! And I still haven't heard any backlash from upper management, yet.

...And as Pigfish points out - when it comes to undeniable rotten customer satisfaction due to rules and regs way over their poor underlings' head - I'll tell them, myself, that I refuse to bend their ear with my great dissatisfaction because THEY'RE not the ones responsible. They'll obligingly tell me, "Well that's what I'm here for," and I'll insist, no - YOU'RE not the ones who made these rules. I NEED to talk to the "big guy" who's hiding behind his great, mammoth doors and leaving you poor guys out here to take all the bricks, bats, and bottles from the pissed off public who are getting screwed thanks to THEIR bad mismanagement, and shaky, hidden stipulations designed to not make good on their prior claims. Get my drift, folks?

It IS a two way street.

[earthson]

I work in the land design and development market. The only statement that gets my goat from clients involves, "Can we do less than code-minimum?"

Unless you've got friends in the municipality or have a solid reason for a variance/waiver/special exemption, sure, we can design below code-minimum, but you'll have to pay us our full fee and sign this document in which you accept full liability for projects that will not be permitted.

[PigFish]

I work in the land design and development market. The only statement that gets my goat from clients involves, "Can we do less than code-minimum?"

Unless you've got friends in the municipality or have a solid reason for a variance/waiver/special exemption, sure, we can design below code-minimum, but you'll have to pay us our full fee and sign this document in which you accept full liability for projects that will not be permitted.

... you would have loved my last employer! This was a typical exchange...

Ray- "Do we have a contract for the grease intercepter?"

Boss- "No"

Ray- "So, do you want to dig out the parking lot after I pave it, or do it the right way the first time?"

Boss- "Oh, you're right we had better get "XYZ" to do it."

Ray- "Great, I will schedule them. You know that is not on our original permit, RIGHT???"

Boss- "Do you think Bill (city inspector) will ask?"

Ray- "Yeah he is gonna' ask!!!"

Boss- "So how much are they gonna' stiff us for that?"

Ray- "Why ask me, it is your project, send the PM down and pull the damn thing so I don't look like a ass when the city comes out... and he falls in the hole!"

Boss- "What do you think if we wait to see if he catches us....?"

...a regular occurrence!

-Piggy

[skalls]

Oh man, the crap I hear on a daily basis. The executives of the businesses we issue cards for are the most stuck up, self centered, and needy idiots ever.

We had an exec call in and start up a firestorm because he waited 5 minutes to speak to someone. He complained to just about everyone about this horrible service. We checked the time of his call and sure enough, he waited 25 seconds on hold. Ruined an afternoon because we didn't instantly answer him and then his lie wrecks a whole bunch of our afternoons.

On the plus side that beer and cigar I had when I got home yesterday were amazing.

[earthson]

Wow. Once again, I feel blessed to work where I do. Everything is on the up and up since someone, somewhere is sealing plans and various other legal documents. If something goes haywire, guess who is the first person getting angry phone calls? The Engineer Of Record!