Name and Shame

[Jeremy Festa]

Brothers, and Sisters, unite with me, as I name and shame my wife... Melissa.

Last night my wife went out to dinner with a friend.

They had a lovely time and my wife rolled in around 12:30am.

She had had quite a few drinks, I could tell from the noise she made in the kitchen. I thought, trying to get a drink of water and come upstairs.

Next thing, she rolled into bed around 1:30am. I thought nothing of it.

In the morning, I made pancakes and ice cream for the kids. It's Sunday. And I added some strawberries and fruit etc. My 18 month old niece slept over too, since my sister and bro-in-law had a wedding to attend last night. So I am in a house full of girls. Totally outnumbered.

My wife saunters down into the living room around 7:30am. I am quite surprised to be honest, she is no early bird. She was smiling. I asked, "how was last night?"

She said, "so awesome babe!" With a stupid big grin on her face. I said "that's cool! And how is Candice?" Usual line of questioning. Conversation went on.

But, then my wife is quiet for a little while. Obviously thinking about how to break the news to me.

"So, gorgeous, I tried to have a cigar last night!"

I said, "Cool. How'd you go?"

"I don't know, I had a bit to drink and I didn't know what to pick!"

I start to worry.

"I just went with the smallest and thinnest."

"Okay gorgeous."

I left it at that. But as soon as she left the room, I ran to the wine fridge.

Top drawer of cabinet slightly ajar.

My Partagas draw of odd bits, aged and discontinued.

What's missing?

Looks like my last Partagas Corona. Unfinished. From a delicious box Rob sourced me a year or so ago.

It is. Totally brutalized. She must have been hammered. Look how much of the cap she snipped off!

I am heartbroken.

What am I to do?

Well, I am no slouch motherfunkers.

This little transgression will not go unpunished. And the penalty?

Anther fully justified and endorsed box purchase.

I will call you Monday Rob! Let's make this next one something fabulous!

Sent from my iPhone

[Fugu]

Hooooly shittt!

That's a truly heartbreaking, pitiable look.

At least a good story...

[lostsoulcamero]

It happens I'd be happy if my wife would try

[Akela3rd]

Could have been worse. She might've enjoyed it and had a couple more. Frame the picture of the PCU and display it prominently in your house.

[cooper669]

LOCK THE HUMIDOR!!!!

[ayepatz]

If she enjoyed it, tell her how "incredibly rare and prohibitively expensive" it was to discourage any future transgression.

Much easier if she hated it. Then just tell her she won't like any others as that one is "universally acknowledged as the greatest cigar of all time".

[LGC]

Once left cigars at a friends house after a fishing herf in Illinois. I waited to pick them up at the next big herf at his house. When I arrived he was using my cab of 1998 RyJ TPCs for a speed smoking contest. Smoked through a complete box of 2002 RyJ Cazadores. Smoked from a cab of 2002 SLR DCs, and gave some to others as his own. His wife picked through my box of 1996 Monte Especials for her and her friends. All of this was done without a single word to me. He gave me 25 sticks and his stash of plugged cigars in return. I don't trust anyone with my cigars anymore...

[WhiteMamba]

Glad my wife doesn't even want to think of trying cigars. Sorry to hear about your loss.

[WhiteMamba]

Once left cigars at a friends house after a fishing herf in Illinois. I waited to pick them up at the next big herf at his house. When I arrived he was using my cab of 1998 RyJ TPCs for a speed smoking contest. Smoked through a complete box of 2002 RyJ Cazadores. Smoked from a cab of 2002 SLR DCs, and gave some to others as his own. His wife picked through my box of 1996 Monte Especials for her and her friends. All of this was done without a single word to me. He gave me 25 sticks and his stash of plugged cigars in return. I don't trust anyone with my cigars anymore...

I'm not sure I could talk to that person any more.

[JohnS]

If you get down on your hands and knees, and ignore El Pres' giggles and fits of laughter, when you make that phone call, then he may advise you that the only Partagas Coronas available are the 07 Anejados ones, you know, the ones they made the year after they discontinued those glorious Partagas Coronas you speak of.

However Jeremy, all is not lost my dear friend. Be thankful for the following....

1) Your wife doesn't chastise you for smoking cigars and claim they are a filthy, expensive habit

2) Your wife smokes cigars

3) Your wife prefers smaller, standard ring gauge cigars. Mate, she's a real connossieur

4) Your wife makes angled cuts on her cigar. Well, she is a serious aficionado

Jer, I want to meet Melissa just to see that she is real...no-one can have a wife like that can they?

In all seriousness, I empathise. I smoked this one below around Christmas. I agree with ayepatz...what a wonderful cigar!

[oliverdst]

Well, lock your cigars or your wife.

[Ken Gargett]

Brothers, and Sisters, unite with me, as I name and shame my wife... Melissa.

Last night my wife went out to dinner with a friend.

They had a lovely time and my wife rolled in around 12:30am.

She had had quite a few drinks, I could tell from the noise she made in the kitchen. I thought, trying to get a drink of water and come upstairs.

Next thing, she rolled into bed around 1:30am. I thought nothing of it.

In the morning, I made pancakes and ice cream for the kids. It's Sunday. And I added some strawberries and fruit etc. My 18 month old niece slept over too, since my sister and bro-in-law had a wedding to attend last night. So I am in a house full of girls. Totally outnumbered.

My wife saunters down into the living room around 7:30am. I am quite surprised to be honest, she is no early bird. She was smiling. I asked, "how was last night?"

She said, "so awesome babe!" With a stupid big grin on her face. I said "that's cool! And how is Candice?" Usual line of questioning. Conversation went on.

But, then my wife is quiet for a little while. Obviously thinking about how to break the news to me.

"So, gorgeous, I tried to have a cigar last night!"

I said, "Cool. How'd you go?"

"I don't know, I had a bit to drink and I didn't know what to pick!"

I start to worry.

"I just went with the smallest and thinnest."

"Okay gorgeous."

I left it at that. But as soon as she left the room, I ran to the wine fridge.

Top drawer of cabinet slightly ajar.

My Partagas draw of odd bits, aged and discontinued.

What's missing?I am heartbroken.

What am I to do?

Well, I am no slouch motherfunkers.

This little transgression will not go unpunished. And the penalty?

Anther fully justified and endorsed box purchase.

I will call you Monday Rob! Let's make this next one something fabulous!

Sent from my iPhone

first, like you need an excuse to buy a box of cigars!

secondly, i thought you were going to say your last tang monarch or something serious.

[TheGipper]

Well, she's spoiled for life now.

Nothing less than those GRs will do for her next time.

[stogieluver]

Yeah, yeah. Your wife smoked one of your precious cigars. Tell me more about the pancakes and ice cream for breakfast!

(sorry for your loss, man).

[MooseAMuffin]

Great story! Love the fact that she left the evidence out for you too.

[Ribeye]

Buy her a new humidor of her own, and help her stock it.

[dangolf18]

Humidors come with a lock for a reason

[CaptainQuintero]

Once left cigars at a friends house after a fishing herf in Illinois. I waited to pick them up at the next big herf at his house. When I arrived he was using my cab of 1998 RyJ TPCs for a speed smoking contest. Smoked through a complete box of 2002 RyJ Cazadores. Smoked from a cab of 2002 SLR DCs, and gave some to others as his own. His wife picked through my box of 1996 Monte Especials for her and her friends. All of this was done without a single word to me. He gave me 25 sticks and his stash of plugged cigars in return. I don't trust anyone with my cigars anymore...

That actually made me angry! Good knows how you dealt with it!

[LordAnubis]

Convert to islam, you wont have these sorts of benders. Problem solvered, You're welcome

[aes8]

first, like you need an excuse to buy a box of cigars!

secondly, i thought you were going to say your last tang monarch or something serious.

This

[earthson]

Once left cigars at a friends house after a fishing herf in Illinois. I waited to pick them up at the next big herf at his house. When I arrived he was using my cab of 1998 RyJ TPCs for a speed smoking contest. Smoked through a complete box of 2002 RyJ Cazadores. Smoked from a cab of 2002 SLR DCs, and gave some to others as his own. His wife picked through my box of 1996 Monte Especials for her and her friends. All of this was done without a single word to me. He gave me 25 sticks and his stash of plugged cigars in return. I don't trust anyone with my cigars anymore...

Dayumn! With friends like that, who needs nemeses?

I still can't get over how he gave some away as his own! What is this guy, a teenager with an insecurity complex?

[Perla]

Be a happy camper that your wife was not getting sick over the combination of alcohol and cigar.

And shame on you that you didn't show/teach your wife how to treat a cigar properly.

[Randolph]

I'll be waiting a very long time for my wife to try that trick!

[Napa_Smokes]

I resolved this early on in my marriage. My wife has her own humidor and buys her own stock from Rob when she wants something. I don't mind if she smokes from my stash and she knows which humidors she can go in freely and which ones I keep my special sticks in (which she can also go in freely but chooses not to). Unfortunately its my father I have to worry about. He was helping me work on my house a few years ago. After I went to bed he opened up a btl of 1982 Petrus that I had been saving for when I graduated college and smoked 3 cigars, my last Cohiba Sublime, my only Tang Monarch, and a 1970's PL that I had been gifted and was planning to smoke when I got married. He only remembered lighting the Cohiba the rest were a blur. I think I cryed myself to sleep that night.

Sorry about your loss but at least she gave it a go!

[TCContender]

Ouch, I feel your pain brother. My wife has, with my guidance, developed a taste solely for PL Panetelas. Of course, this was due largely to my selection of harsh unbanded Nicaraguan cigars which are typically earmarked for moochers, when she wanted to expand her palate. She no resigns herself to one of these exclusively on the off chance she wants a cigar when I am not about.