What is something you once heard another human say that still makes you laugh or cringe?

[RyviaUSA]

A gentleman once told me that police radar guns read your speed off your car's speedometer.  So if your speedometer is broken, the cop sees you as traveling 0 mph/kph. 

Another gentleman once told me that if you put pieces of aluminum foil on your car tires, it deflects or scatters police radar so they can't get your real speed.

Still laughing and dying a bit inside from these comments.  

[Pinareno]

“That’s not mold. It’s actually plume!”

[chris12381]

"Stop signs with white borders are optional after 10PM." ?

[Markspring1978]

“Glass tops on Cuban samplers are so that you can tell that the cigars are genuine.”


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[Eland]

"This cigar sure does have a really tight draw".  This from an "aficionado" that hadn't bothered to clip the end.

[Jimmy_jack]

“Don’t tell people you’re sorry. Let them find out for themselves”

[BJRPorter]

Couple of my father’s favorite phrases:

Bastard of life!

Stuck on stupid.

[hunterbeav]

Things are more like they are now then they ever have been.

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[JGD]

“If you get a ticket from a state trooper who isn’t wearing a hat you don’t have to pay the fine.” - A guy I went to high school with who truly believed this. 

“I’m getting so high of the fumes.” - My roommate during my freshman year of college while brading hemp. There were no fumes. And, it was hemp. 

“My cell mate told me [insert some statement that is completely wrong with some incorrectly used legal terms].” - Almost every one of my clients who is incarcerated. Although, sometimes they will surprise you by doing a good job finding case law that actually applies to their case. 

[madandana]

A friend of my dads said “Have you ever noticed that raccoons always come to the highway before they die?”

[mk05]

4 hours ago, RyviaUSA said:

What is something you once heard another human say that still makes you laugh or cringe?

"I am a brand ambassador (or influencer) on InstaGram."

[TBird55]

"I feel more like I do now than I did before."

[rcarlson]

Overheard a guy in coffee shop tell a cruel story about feeding seagulls bread followed by Alka Seltzer to watch them come crashing to the ground when their stomachs burst (surely bullshit, but that was his story).  

Several minutes later, the shop owner's very sweet and lovely wife leaned over to me and said, "I don't get it. How do you get a seagull to drink out of the glass?"   

[kuma]

keep your friends close but your enemies closer........

Leave the gun, take the canollies........

INTIMATES - Don't you care for my love? she said bitterly.

I handed her the mirror, and said: Please address these questions to the proper person!

Please make all requests to head-quarters!

In all matters of emotional importance please approach the supreme authority direct!-

So I handed her the mirror.

                                                                                                                     D. H. LAWRENCE

[nKostyan]

One gentleman brought a box of Fonseca cigars, treated everyone and at the same time claimed that it is impossible to remove the wrapper from rice paper and you need to smoke along with the paper wrapper ?

[irratebass]

When I was a kid i once asked my dad

"Dad, where do rocks come from?"

"The Moon"

After thinking about it for a few minutes........."nuh uh"

"I almost had ya there son" As he's laughing his ass off.

[RyviaUSA]

59 minutes ago, irratebass said:

When I was a kid i once asked my dad

"Dad, where do rocks come from?"

"The Moon"

After thinking about it for a few minutes........."nuh uh"

"I almost had ya there son" As he's laughing his ass off.

When I was a kid I was certain islands just floated in the ocean. The concept of them being tops of underwater mountain ranges just blew my mind. 

[RyviaUSA]

Oh another gem:  I live in the northeast United States, so we see a decent amount of snow.  During one storm, a lady in a SUV bumped in to me.  No damage on my rear bumper.

She says and I still remember cringing:  "I don't know why I couldn't stop, my SUV was in 4 wheel drive."  

For those of you lads that live in a desert or the tropics or only drive motorcyles/RWD sports cars, 4 wheel drive gives you added traction by way of power going to additional wheels.  4 wheel drive does not give you magical braking capabilities in slippery conditions.  

[prodigy]

Anytime I hear kids born after the year 2000 talking to each other, I cringe...

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[Ribeye]

This was said to an employee when one only wants to speak with the boss.

"I don't want to talk to the monkey, I want to talk to the organ grinder"

[MikeinKS]

My wife would kill me if she knew I recounted this one, but I left my cellphone at home one day.  When I got home from work that evening, there was a text on it from her stating, "Honey, you left your cellphone at home.  Let me know if you want me to bring it to you."  ?

[Rupe]

One that always make me cringe....

"Could we get together for coffee? I've got a great business opportunity I'd like to discuss with you."

Always turns out to be Amway or some other multi-level pyramid scheme. 

[MD Puffer]

1.  That a 357 Magnum will "crack an engine block."

2.  The grooves in bayonets and similar knives are "blood grooves" to facilitate bleeding when an enemy is stabbed.  They are in fact fullers and merely reduce the blade's weight. 

3.  That LSD stays in your spinal fluid forever.

The list is really endless.  Most people buy whatever bill of goods is served up to them, then pass it along ignorantly to the next unsuspecting soul.  

I practice this exercise.  I think/ponder about a statement someone makes.  If someone doesn't make sense, seems incredulous, defies the laws of physics, or is just otherwise potted, then it sets off a bullshit alarm in my head.  Depending on the circumstances I may just politely smile and nod or I might just let in to someone.  

 

[IanMcLean68]

People that always make me cringe when they talk...

Conspiracy theorists

Millenials

Hipsters.

[Islandboy]

26 minutes ago, MD Puffer said:

 That LSD stays in your spinal fluid forever.  

Thank God it isn’t true...I’ve been loosing sleep over that one since high school 

14 hours ago, prodigy said:

Anytime I hear kids born after the year 2000 talking to each other, I cringe...

I cringe on a daily basis when I see them talking to each other...via text...while driving.