Does your wife tolerate prior girlfriends?

[MIKA27]

One night my missus was on Facebook, and I was looking over her shoulder checking out her friends.

One of her friends (from her book club, that meets every Thursday for dinner) was my previous girlfriend (of 8 years!) - that was quite a weird moment.

That should be in the paranormal section.

[ARRV]

you've been married since you were 16. how bad can it be? how untrusting you've become.

jesus, tell your wife you ran into an old friend you went out with before you knew her and she'd like to catch up and have the kids spend some time together and then ask her what does she think? if she has a problem, she'll tell you.

....

Damn straight she will tell him.

Interesting how the unmarried man proposes dealing with it straight up with Mrs A whereas all married men suggest a degree of subterfuge

[Habanos2000]

I think you'll find life much easier to live with 50% of your stuff gone. So many less headaches. Go ahead, invite her over!

[Ken Gargett]

Damn straight she will tell him.

Interesting how the unmarried man proposes dealing with it straight up with Mrs A whereas all married men suggest a degree of subterfuge

hey, even divorce lawyers have to eat.

mate of mine was up from melbourne over the wekend. very keen i get married. i finally asked him why (and i've heard this before). he said, 'why the hell should you be the only one of us happy'.

i have no idea what he meant.

[mash]

How trusting is your wife? I think that will determine how big a deal it is. I agree with Ken, I'd ask her and she what she says.

This was a long time ago.

[smll2]

Rob,

Hide/sell your golf clubs....fast...really fast

[Ethernut]

Danger if freaking right.. Might want to pass on this one Rob....

Next thing you know she'll want to come over and "visit" when your family is away...

[bunburyist]

You could just tell your wife what's happened, then tell her how you decided to ignore the offer because you'd rather spend time with her, something's not right about it blah blah, get in her good books. That's gotta be worth a nosh.

Don't see that you've got much to gain from catching up with your ex. Plus, if the kids become great mates you'll be seeing her a lot...

As already said though, I'm not married and it's funny how all the married guys are suggesting subterfuge....

[El Presidente]

Thank you all for the great advice

This is one case of being upfront wins. Doesn't come naturally.

[Ken Gargett]

Thank you all for the great advice

This is one case of being upfront wins.

no charge.

[Fuzz]

Thank you all for the great advice

This is one case of being upfront wins. Doesn't come naturally.

Rob, buy your wife some jewellry beforehand and keep it in your back pocket when you tell her. Just in case being upfront fails, you can distract her with the jewellry before scampering out the door!

[sandholm]

(1) How much trouble am I in?

(2) How do I get out of it?

You are asking the wrong question, the right one should be:

"Do I want to risk loosing my wife/family in return to hang out with an old ex?"

cheers

[Rogers72]

Two of my wifes best friends are:

1.) My previous girlfriend of 3 years.

2.) My first girlfriend of 5 years.

Both Friendships began after we were married and i find it a little odd but she LOVES them both so I just let it go. Of course, both the ex's are happily married and I am friends with both of their husbands so I guess that makes it a little easier.

In your case, I would just hope that she doesn't call you, definitely don't call her, and just wait and see. Tell your wife about the encounter and see what she suggests. I would just explain to my wife that my radiant charm and dashing good looks are both blessing and curse and that I really am helpless against their powers.

[Ryan]

Good thread. I'd agree on being completely out in the open about it. With the slightest amount of subterfuge at all, if your wife finds out about it simple human nature could have her thinking the worst.

Coincidentally, I just got back from the airport where I picked up an ex-girlfriend from Chicago who's staying with us for a week.

All good.

She's not divorced though.

[anacostiakat]

Rob, you should get in touch with Tiger for some counseling. . .

[Kangaroo495]

Just tell your wife, that when you were down at the park with them, they made friends with some other kids. Convince one of your kids to corroborate this story. But say that you didn't meet the other kids' parents.

Then say to your wife that you're taking the kids down to play with their new friends.

Then, coincidentally, the mum of the other kids just turns out to be your ex-girlfriend.

I'm sure she'll buy that.

[aavkk]

Come on guys this one's easy.... You throw the kid under the bus. It was your kid that wanted to hang out with her kid, once you both agreed it would be such a great idea you got to talking and what a coincidence!!!! I know you can play this off Rob. Worst comes to worst you break the news to her when she's in a great mood usually for me it just ends up neutralizing and it's a push. Good luck buddy!

[OZCUBAN]

Hi Rob it seems that you have given your self the best advice

to play it any other way would be like falling in quicksand

Failing thaT you would have to tell your boy he can never play Rugby again

Oz

[habone]

Menage a trois

[reg]

probably not as much trouble as I got in with my girl last night

[BobLobLaw]

Damn straight she will tell him.

Interesting how the unmarried man proposes dealing with it straight up with Mrs A whereas all married men suggest a degree of subterfuge

Ha so true. Unmarried here and my vote goes towards the truth especially as in this case the truth is not all that bad. She wanted to make plans with you and you being a guy in an uncomfortable situation agreed without really thinking about it. Tell the wife, ignore the ex and you are good.

You are only in serious trouble if the wife finds out 3 months later. Even if you ignored the ex all the same, the deception will lead to suspicion which will lead to fear which will lead to anger which will lead to suffering (yours). Yoda knows what up.

[gfoster]

Dude, seriously, go back to smoking cigars because you've obviously been smoking something else if you think any good at all can come from this.

It is a PHENOMENALLY bad idea to have any sort of contact with the ex. What are you THINKING that you can even ask that question?

I wouldn't necessarily tell the wife straight up, either. I'd just COMPLETELY cut off any avenue of communication or repeat occurance and pretend it never happened. No good can come of even bringing it up. If sometime down the road it does come up (from her finding out or something) play stupid. Playing stupid works for me, my wife is generally convinced I'm an idiot. Well, maybe it doesn't work all the time but she is more apt to attribute any bad behavior on my part to forgetfulness and/or stupidity than to anything outright deliberate (and quite honestly, she's right about that 99% of the time lol).

-- Gary F.

[samb]

Prez, you cant and wont fully win either way to handle it. When it comes to an ex and wife, In my experience, its best to just keep quiet about the incident, while cutting off all communication and taking it no further with the ex, because the wife will be unhappy about you even unintentionally running into and talking to the ex.

However, good advice in marriage is grade A communication with the spouse, which puts you in something of a Catch-22, should the wife find out your not telling her things, because as others have stated, it will be downhill.

I think youre best bet is to be mostly honest with the wife about it. Tell her that you ran into the ex, you said hi, you agreed to catching up later (and tell the wife that you only agreed because you DID NOT want a confontation, and gently explain to the wife that you have NO interest in actually catching up. I hope you didnt give the ex contact info, because its possible that she may track you down and cause conflict (remember, she is a woman and therefore has the potential for nonsense).

Also, tell the wife that you didnt even recognize the ex, that may help your case, and try to listen to the wife's feelings and blah blah blah...

If all else fails, there is shiraz.

[gfoster]

Sam, are you nuts? Dude, I've been married twice. The right answer is "KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT" and when confronted with undeniable proof "CLAIM STUPIDITY". I didn't do that my first marriage and thus the forced upgrade to wife 2.0 (who I will freely admit is a FAR better model). Granted there were quite a few other factors in play with the starter wife (such as her being a complete and utter *****, but then I digress).

I liberally claim stupidity with wife 2.0 and it works a treat, especially when I slip up and show occasional flashes of brilliance which she can then attribute to her expert guidance and influence on my personal development When she is happy, I am happy and when she is unhappy, nobody's happy. Believe me, if you bring it up out of some misbegotten idea to "come clean" they are going to chew on it over and over and over and it will fester into a great sucking chest wound. If you don't say anything and they somehow find out, you will just be able to (rightfully) claim it was so unimportant and trivial that you didn't even remember it or consider it worth sharing. It's not being "deceitful", it's just not bringing things to the table that you *know* they will then fold up until it's all sharp corners and stab you with.

You know what they call married guys who tell their wives everything? They call them single, that's what they call them...

Repeat after me.. "What they don't know won't hurt you..."

-- Gary F.

[Ken Gargett]

has anyone thought that may be his wife ran into her first and they got chatting and cooked this up between them to see if rob would do the right thing and come clean?

and if he keeps quiet, he is cactus.