You’re an idiot. Admit it.

[ayepatz]

My missus calls me an idiot regularly, and while 99% of the time I refute the accusation, just occasionally I hang my head in shame and bow to the inevitable truth of what she says.

A few months ago I was working in Chicago, and, inexplicably, I found my skin starting to get very itchy. 

I’m used to a bit of dry skin now and then, as 1) I’m a fair-haired, red-headed Scotsman whose skin will readily turn purple if I happen to stand too close to a naked flame, and  2) I’m a bloke and therefore naturally shun all moisturising products.

My skin was so itchy I was waking myself up in the middle of the night. I even managed to draw blood on a couple of occasions.

I thought it might all be down to the aggressive air-conditioning in my apartment drying out the air. Or some hideous, previously undiagnosed skin condition à la Goldmember in Austin Powers.

A few weeks later my wife came to stay. She had some laundry that she needed to do and asked me where the detergent was.

I handed her the pack of tablets.

She took one look at them and dissolved into laughter.

”These are for the dishwasher, you moron!”

[Shelby07]

I instinctively try to defend my fellow man, but I got nothin’. 

[99call]

Still,.......you didn't use any moisturising products, and this is the important thing. Your skin maybe ripped to shreds, but you dignity is tact. I salute you

[Burningman]

It happens to the best of us. Switch from dishwasher pods to a detergent like woolite. Lighter detergents help.

I also suffer from dry itchy skin especially in the winter. Cocoa butter works for me.

[shippers]

Dry skin - as a fellow redhead - affected me this winter so much I brought hand cream. But I always forget to use it until my hands hurt... One day I'll learn!

[Ken Gargett]

my first trip to cuba, many years ago, i travelled with a fellow rookie (actually five of us). no names of course, Rob, i will preserve your anonymity.

only one of us spoke spanish and as all signs, especially outside havana, are in spanish, if you can find a sign and don't have to ask the locals, his expertise was needed (why else did we bring him?). 

but the poor fragile soul picked up a hint of a cold. no problem, he assured us. he would scoff the antibiotics and drench himself with rum. all would be well. 

instead, we slogged around cuba with him moaning and groaning. the number of times we had to prod him into action to read a sign in the middle of nowhere. thought he might have self-medicated a bit much on the rum. the cold stretched into the second week. he got no sympathy, understandably so. 

finally, looking a hell of a lot better, he knocks on my door on the second last morning. seems he'd rung the wife. she had packed for him and explained everything. he had, of course, taken no notice. seems his sleeping pills had been put into a convenient little bottle for him (which his wife apparently told him and even wrote it down in the list of instructions). he had, for reasons best known to himself, decided these were actually antibiotics.

so our supposedly fearless leader spent ten days travelling around cuba shovelling handfuls of sleeping pills down his throat, followed by as much rum as he could stomach. no wonder he was not given the participation award. 

[SOFLO88]

These are amazing stories.... From the Dish Detergent to the sleeping pills

[MoeFOH]

7 hours ago, ayepatz said:

Or some hideous, previously undiagnosed skin condition à la Goldmember in Austin Powers.

I hope things didn't deteriorate to some "Ooh, that's a keeper. Put it in the skin box please" action? Lol. 

[Ken Gargett]

1 minute ago, MoeFOH said:

I hope things didn't deteriorate to some "Ooh, that's a keeper. Put it in the skin box please" action? Lol. 

and then start sewing a skin suit, a la hannibal's friend. 

[gcman68]

7 hours ago, ayepatz said:

My missus calls me an idiot regularly, and while 99% of the time I refute the accusation, just occasionally I hang my head in shame and bow to the inevitable truth of what she says.

A few months ago I was working in Chicago, and, inexplicably, I found my skin starting to get very itchy. 

I’m used to a bit of dry skin now and then, as 1) I’m a fair-haired, red-headed Scotsman whose skin will readily turn purple if I happen to stand too close to a naked flame, and  2) I’m a bloke and therefore naturally shun all moisturising products.

My skin was so itchy I was waking myself up in the middle of the night. I even managed to draw blood on a couple of occasions.

I thought it might all be down to the aggressive air-conditioning in my apartment drying out the air. Or some hideous, previously undiagnosed skin condition à la Goldmember in Austin Powers.

A few weeks later my wife came to stay. She had some laundry that she needed to do and asked me where the detergent was.

I handed her the pack of tablets.

She took one look at them and dissolved into laughter.

”These are for the dishwasher, you moron!”

Trying to interpret this the best I can this could actually be brilliant because if she doesn't trust you to do the laundry maybe she relieves you from that obligation?   

[Cayman17]

I usually give a lengthy safety lecture to my wife about the hazards of snow and icy roads in winter and then five minutes later, I step onto the blacktopped driveway and proceed to fall on my ass, almost crippling myself in the process. 

[BarryVT]

IDIOT!!!  That's just in case your wife has not called you one today! 

[PapaDisco]

Bwaahhahahah   Good story.  But . . .

1.  Better add some additional rinse time to whatever that washer is doing, it's clearly not doing enough, AND

2.  That residual soap was irritating your outsides?  Imagine what it's doing to your insides!    Modern dishwashers are designed to use much smaller amounts of water, but is it enough to rinse everything off? ?  Also, they're finicky about water temperature and the modern soaps often need higher water temps than the dishwasher can put out.  Here in Vietnam you have to turn your water heaters on manually, they aren't on full time, and if you forget and send cold water to the dishwasher (modern Electrolux) you'll be rewarded with undissolved soap sandblasting all your glasses to a dull finish!

3.  Lastly, U.S. cities have been consistently upping their chlorine input over the last several decades; under the thinking of "more is better." ? 

[MIKA27]

11 hours ago, ayepatz said:

My missus calls me an idiot regularly, and while 99% of the time I refute the accusation, just occasionally I hang my head in shame and bow to the inevitable truth of what she says.

A few months ago I was working in Chicago, and, inexplicably, I found my skin starting to get very itchy. 

I’m used to a bit of dry skin now and then, as 1) I’m a fair-haired, red-headed Scotsman whose skin will readily turn purple if I happen to stand too close to a naked flame, and  2) I’m a bloke and therefore naturally shun all moisturising products.

My skin was so itchy I was waking myself up in the middle of the night. I even managed to draw blood on a couple of occasions.

I thought it might all be down to the aggressive air-conditioning in my apartment drying out the air. Or some hideous, previously undiagnosed skin condition à la Goldmember in Austin Powers.

A few weeks later my wife came to stay. She had some laundry that she needed to do and asked me where the detergent was.

I handed her the pack of tablets.

She took one look at them and dissolved into laughter.

”These are for the dishwasher, you moron!”

8 hours ago, Ken Gargett said:

my first trip to cuba, many years ago, i travelled with a fellow rookie (actually five of us). no names of course, Rob, i will preserve your anonymity.

only one of us spoke spanish and as all signs, especially outside havana, are in spanish, if you can find a sign and don't have to ask the locals, his expertise was needed (why else did we bring him?). 

but the poor fragile soul picked up a hint of a cold. no problem, he assured us. he would scoff the antibiotics and drench himself with rum. all would be well. 

instead, we slogged around cuba with him moaning and groaning. the number of times we had to prod him into action to read a sign in the middle of nowhere. thought he might have self-medicated a bit much on the rum. the cold stretched into the second week. he got no sympathy, understandably so. 

finally, looking a hell of a lot better, he knocks on my door on the second last morning. seems he'd rung the wife. she had packed for him and explained everything. he had, of course, taken no notice. seems his sleeping pills had been put into a convenient little bottle for him (which his wife apparently told him and even wrote it down in the list of instructions). he had, for reasons best known to himself, decided these were actually antibiotics.

so our supposedly fearless leader spent ten days travelling around cuba shovelling handfuls of sleeping pills down his throat, followed by as much rum as he could stomach. no wonder he was not given the participation award. 

What a great thread. 

[bpm32]

[ayepatz]

Nobody else got any tales of self-confessed male idiocy?

Pride cometh before the fall, gentlemen. ?

Seriously, I can’t believe I’m the only bloke on here who once mistakenly brushed his teeth with haemorrhoid cream. ???

 

[stogieluver]

3 hours ago, ayepatz said:

Nobody else got any tales of self-confessed male idiocy?

Pride cometh before the fall, gentlemen. ?

Seriously, I can’t believe I’m the only bloke on here who once mistakenly brushed his teeth with haemorrhoid cream. ???

 

And now you have tiny little teeth?

[ayepatz]

10 minutes ago, stogieluver said:

And now you have tiny little teeth?

Well, they don’t itch as much...

[Nekhyludov]

Years ago on a camping trip, I had been sleeping like hell and was woken up waaaaaayyyy too early one day. We went to a diner for breakfast and I sat down and ordered coffee. When it came, I picked up the canister that was sitting by the napkin dispenser and dumped a bunch of sugar into my coffee. 

Except the canister wasn't sugar. It was parmesan cheese. I drank the coffee anyway. 

[Hollywood Ninja]

Years ago on a camping trip, I had been sleeping like hell and was woken up waaaaaayyyy too early one day. We went to a diner for breakfast and I sat down and ordered coffee. When it came, I picked up the canister that was sitting by the napkin dispenser and dumped a bunch of sugar into my coffee. 
Except the canister wasn't sugar. It was parmesan cheese. I drank the coffee anyway. 

I’ve done this with salt far too many times.

[cfc1016]

Hey atleast you weren't eating tide pods!!!

[Stogiepuffer]

I read an article about 6 years back about how people were complaining about their dishwashers were no longer cleaning the dishes well enough and we're replacing their dishwashing machines with nee. Apparently the [email protected] banned TSP from dishwashing detergents due to TSP killing wildlife. Well just last week I was looking at the ingredients in my kids cereal and saw TSP. I guess the [email protected] needs to talk to the [email protected]

Sent from my moto z3 using Tapatalk

[Ken Gargett]

46 minutes ago, Nekhyludov said:

Years ago on a camping trip, I had been sleeping like hell and was woken up waaaaaayyyy too early one day. We went to a diner for breakfast and I sat down and ordered coffee. When it came, I picked up the canister that was sitting by the napkin dispenser and dumped a bunch of sugar into my coffee. 

Except the canister wasn't sugar. It was parmesan cheese. I drank the coffee anyway. 

just so as i follow - you put a dairy product into coffee and that is your moment of life-threatening danger. with the greatest respect, not really a walk on the wildside.

i pray for days where something like that is the worst thing i do. sadly, there are far too few. 

[MoeFOH]

For the last couple of mornings, I've woken up to the Gmail notifications of this thread on my phone's lock screen. It's a wonderfully sobering morning mantra: "You're an idiot. Admit it."

Long may this thread continue!

Thank you, Iain. : )

[ayepatz]

20 minutes ago, Ken Gargett said:

just so as i follow - you put a dairy product into coffee and that is your moment of life-threatening danger. with the greatest respect, not really a walk on the wildside.

i pray for days where something like that is the worst thing i do. sadly, there are far too few. 

Wrong thread, Ken. This is the idiot thread, not the health and safety one. Still, if the hat fits...???