How do you handle a tight arse mate.

[Ken Gargett]

11 hours ago, Fuzz said:

For a second I thought you were talking about me!

what changed your mind?

[Ken Gargett]

7 hours ago, Brandon said:

Reminds me of this one guy that never had cash when paying in groups. He would always collect everyone’s cash and collect the points on his card. I later found out he was constantly skimming and leaving smaller tips than we paid for.

i have no issue if someone has put out cash for someone else to take the cash and pay by card - i'll do it if short of cash - but i'd be seriously pissed if someone doing it was then shorting the staff. the points are so small, hardly matter. to be honest, never even thought of them before. 

had a mate who would have dinner parties, we'd always bring top wines and then they'd disappear and he'd serve rubbish. one night he proudly showed me his cellar. i could spot at least half a dozen i'd brought. next time, i brought the wine decanted and returned to bottle, so it would be ideal for drinking that evening. he was clearly pissed. the wine still never appeared and it was the last time i was ever invited.

last i heard, he was working for a failed politician. 

[OZCUBAN]

12 hours ago, Fuzz said:

For a second I thought you were talking about me!

He was ??

[JamesKPolkEsq]

From my experience, these sort are often missing social cues. Why not actually ask them why they are doing it? 

If they give you an honest answer, you can be honest with them in return. Sunshine is the best disinfectant. 

If they beat around the bush, they aren't worth being friends with. 

[BeerPimp]

1 hour ago, Ken Gargett said:

i have no issue if someone has put out cash for someone else to take the cash and pay by card - i'll do it if short of cash - but i'd be seriously pissed if someone doing it was then shorting the staff. the points are so small, hardly matter. to be honest, never even thought of them before. 

had a mate who would have dinner parties, we'd always bring top wines and then they'd disappear and he'd serve rubbish. one night he proudly showed me his cellar. i could spot at least half a dozen i'd brought. next time, i brought the wine decanted and returned to bottle, so it would be ideal for drinking that evening. he was clearly pissed. the wine still never appeared and it was the last time i was ever invited.

last i heard, he was working for a failed politician. 

Holy crap wow.   I could never imagine someone doing that.

[wineguy]

3 hours ago, Ken Gargett said:

i have no issue if someone has put out cash for someone else to take the cash and pay by card - i'll do it if short of cash - but i'd be seriously pissed if someone doing it was then shorting the staff. the points are so small, hardly matter. to be honest, never even thought of them before. 

had a mate who would have dinner parties, we'd always bring top wines and then they'd disappear and he'd serve rubbish. one night he proudly showed me his cellar. i could spot at least half a dozen i'd brought. next time, i brought the wine decanted and returned to bottle, so it would be ideal for drinking that evening. he was clearly pissed. the wine still never appeared and it was the last time i was ever invited.

last i heard, he was working for a failed politician. 

Serous DB move... I only avoid opening guest brought wines for the opposite reason, they don't make the cut or I open them later when everyone is hammered already...

[dar24601]

Already said but that is not a friend, just a freeloading asshole.   As a younger man i would tolerate it and just shrug it off.  Now I just don't associate with those people unless i have to (i.e. family members) even then i let my feeling be known.  A person with that mindset won't change so best just let them be on their way.

[Fuzz]

2 hours ago, Ken Gargett said:

i have no issue if someone has put out cash for someone else to take the cash and pay by card - i'll do it if short of cash - but i'd be seriously pissed if someone doing it was then shorting the staff. the points are so small, hardly matter. to be honest, never even thought of them before. 

had a mate who would have dinner parties, we'd always bring top wines and then they'd disappear and he'd serve rubbish. one night he proudly showed me his cellar. i could spot at least half a dozen i'd brought. next time, i brought the wine decanted and returned to bottle, so it would be ideal for drinking that evening. he was clearly pissed. the wine still never appeared and it was the last time i was ever invited.

last i heard, he was working for a failed politician. 

I have never understood that mentality. Why bring a bottle and not have it during the night? I usually bring a few bottles, and whatever doesn't get consumed, the remainder (normally a bottle or two) goes to the host as a thank you for their hospitality. The only time I do not expect a bottle I've brought to be consumed, is if I give somebody a bottle as a gift.

[Ken Gargett]

20 minutes ago, Fuzz said:

I have never understood that mentality. Why bring a bottle and not have it during the night? I usually bring a few bottles, and whatever doesn't get consumed, the remainder (normally a bottle or two) goes to the host as a thank you for their hospitality. The only time I do not expect a bottle I've brought to be consumed, is if I give somebody a bottle as a gift.

in all honesty, i'd have no problem at all if he put on decent wine himself. or if i believed that he was genuinely trying to and did not know better. would not have the slightest issue then, but when it is a way to pad the cellar, less impressed. 

[Ken Gargett]

21 minutes ago, db13 said:

You're not referring to Sir Ramses III in Perth?? He is notorious for those type of stunts.

no. 

[KavalanWhisky]

Have a mate that we smokes cigars together with and as we all say someone that knows about cigars happy to share whatever is in the humidor but whenever he gets access to the keys to the kingdom he always seems to pick the real vintage, or limited stuff that you think I know that I said feel free to have a look but i was thinking it's just a regular night, take a D4 or a RASS....not a Talisman.....

Whenever I'm round his and he offers a cigar its normally some Regular production aged a couple of years...I don't have the heart to say how about some of your special stock...

[SMQQKIN]

15 hours ago, BrightonCorgi said:

Start making fun of him when it's time for his share.  He'll feel embarrassed some I would imagine.  Ask him in front of others why he does not give nearly as equally as he gets?  Hard questions like those are at least entertaining to see how they answer.  Perhaps an obvious non-invite to something could wake him up? 

If you perceive the person as a close friend a sincere discussion should get it done. If not, they aren't as good of a friend as you thought. However, I agree. Have the group start openly making him the arse of jokes at the get together. Ease into it to start & turn up the heat as time goes on.  Ask the waiter to put him on a separate check if possible & bring a $5 cigar just for him. Often they just fade away if they aren't willing to change & move on to their next victims.

[Riverstyx]

When I was about 25 I had a good friend living with me.  As pres would say, "great bloke."  Tons of fun to be around.  He said he couldn't pay rent one month.  A few days later he bought new golf clubs.  I was livid. A verbal altercation ensued that almost turned to fisticuffs.  I gave him a grace period to pay me back, and eventually, he did.  I forgave him, but I put him in a different bucket as far as friends go.  We're still great friends today, and he helped me through a tough time.  BUT, I just know where the friendship ends - when there's money involved.  He's not invited to anything that would require him to bring anything other than his humor.

[MD Puffer]

Yes...

So, I found it easy to misinterpret the title of this thread.  Maybe instead, "How do you handle a mate that's a tight arse?"

I'm a comma-loving guy and I envision commas in places they're not always intended. 

So the way I initially read the title was, "How do you handle a tight arse, mate?"

Fortunately others responded to the thread first, thus saving me the embarrassment of  my original answer.

The misunderstanding has inspired me to work on my Aussie vernacular.  I still have a long way to go, but I'm no ocker!  I have a little digital pamphlet to help me along the way.

 

 

[earthson]

As with most people and situations, it's a case-by-case evaluation. Let's assume (s)he's not in dire financial straits and is not getting over a traumatic life event. I would honestly evaluate this person and ultimately have to decide - is this person a leech, or just a bit too self-absorbed. If it's a good friend, i'll love them anyway and go on if and until it becomes an annoying burden.

Since you've posted it here, I'm going to further assume this is a current or recent situation in your life. Maybe it's my personality, but there's always the route of brevity: civilly, respectfully, but clearly state your observations. If it's a friendship destined to weather the tides of time, yall will pull through and you just might be the whatfor they've been needing.

[Ken Gargett]

8 hours ago, Riverstyx said:

When I was about 25 I had a good friend living with me.  As pres would say, "great bloke."  Tons of fun to be around.  He said he couldn't pay rent one month.  A few days later he bought new golf clubs.  I was livid. A verbal altercation ensued that almost turned to fisticuffs.  I gave him a grace period to pay me back, and eventually, he did.  I forgave him, but I put him in a different bucket as far as friends go.  We're still great friends today, and he helped me through a tough time.  BUT, I just know where the friendship ends - when there's money involved.  He's not invited to anything that would require him to bring anything other than his humor.

i do an annual trip to fraser island to fish. normally 6-10 mates. they have varied over the years but mostly a good core. years back, a mate from west australia wanted to come (i remember telling him the deposit we take was twice what it really was as he was always dodgy with money and i wanted to cover as much of his trip as i could before we had to chase him). he was a strange guy as he could be extremely generous if he had money, shocking if he didn't. 

we've rarely had problems (there was one bloke i had to shame into paying - complete surprise as he'd always been solid but i gather he then fell off the rails, got struck off and got involved with all manner of shonks - i'm told that our trip was the last time he ever paid his mates any dosh owing). 

anyway, when the tallying up wa done, this mate owed a couple of hundred. not that much. everyone varies at the end, depending on earlier contributions. this bloke had every excuse. for months. finally, i rang and said it really was time. all the usual promises and apologies. but he was broke. would as soon as he could. and so on. it was not much but it was more that it was the principle.

later that day, he rang and asked, as i'd been to cuba quite a few times, what was the best way to get over to the carribean as he was planning a holiday.

this, after that morning he told me he could not help with the couple of hundred he owed - there were ten of us that year so it was only about $30 each we were out.

i completely lost it. he was told never to contact me again until he had paid his debt. i've never heard a word since. be very surprised if he isn't in jail or was found dead in a ditch. 

[Ken Gargett]

i do have one mate who when we were at uni would always insist on splitting the bill if he had been there all night and racked up most of it. insisted on the opposite if he had not.

but the crowning glory for tightarsery -

i remember being at a dinner party on the coast many years ago - the bloke concerned was an absolute shocker. always had to duck to the gents as the bill was on the way, always going to get the first round next time, welshed on wagers. they do not realise how often they get flicked from invites. i've caught up with him a few times overseas in recent years and he is completely different. first to grab the bill now. 

anyway, he was having a dinner party on the coast and something was not adding up. he kept ducking out to the kitchen - the girlfriend was doing the cooking so no idea why (we all thought the point of the party was to announce the engagement but he was actually breaking up with her later that night, after she'd cleaned up). 

i followed him once and discovered he had the bottles of good wine in the fridge. was serving us all dodgy rubbish and himself the good stuff. needless to say, i immediately exposed him. i was in fits of laughter - could not believe he'd even try it. he was extremely pissed off at me for letting the others know. a couple were so angry they immediately went home. i was going nowhere now that i had found the good stuff. 

i think that might be the ultimate tightarse effort. 

[Colt45]

 

[Fuzz]

5 hours ago, Ken Gargett said:

i do have one mate who when we were at uni would always insist on splitting the bill if he had been there all night and racked up most of it. insisted on the opposite if he had not.

but the crowning glory for tightarsery -

i remember being at a dinner party on the coast many years ago - the bloke concerned was an absolute shocker. always had to duck to the gents as the bill was on the way, always going to get the first round next time, welshed on wagers. they do not realise how often they get flicked from invites. i've caught up with him a few times overseas in recent years and he is completely different. first to grab the bill now. 

anyway, he was having a dinner party on the coast and something was not adding up. he kept ducking out to the kitchen - the girlfriend was doing the cooking so no idea why (we all thought the point of the party was to announce the engagement but he was actually breaking up with her later that night, after she'd cleaned up). 

i followed him once and discovered he had the bottles of good wine in the fridge. was serving us all dodgy rubbish and himself the good stuff. needless to say, i immediately exposed him. i was in fits of laughter - could not believe he'd even try it. he was extremely pissed off at me for letting the others know. a couple were so angry they immediately went home. i was going nowhere now that i had found the good stuff. 

i think that might be the ultimate tightarse effort. 

I went to a wedding where the father of the bride (who was paying for the shindig), had been saving empty bottles of wine for over a year. He refilled them with cheap cask wine and labelled them for the wedding. A lot of guests thought he had a winery specially label the wine for the wedding. But when a few guests saw the wait staff refilling the empty bottles from goon bags, they told the father the staff were cheating him. He simply replied, "No, I told them to do it. They were originally filled with cask wine any way."

[MIKA27]

I have a tight arse friend who I am unfortunately getting to a point where I'm thinking of cutting him loose.

He works full time, single bloke, earns great money and yet, whenever we all head out, all he talks about is money and how he doesn't have any.

I often wonder why on earth anyone would head out if they can't afford to?

We often shout rounds as well as pay for dinner in full, never ask for splitting the bill when it's 8 ways or more knowing full well another friend will cover it the next time around.

But with this guy, Justin, this bloke will literally order pizza and tell you how much you owe him per slice. Or he'd have a bottle of Scotch, heaven forbid you have a shot, he'll tell you what that shot is worth.

I've known him 12 years, he never used to be so petty but it's becoming embarrassing for me to see him turning into this.

I couldn't care about the money, it's the principle really. 

[Ken Gargett]

16 minutes ago, Fuzz said:

I went to a wedding where the father of the bride (who was paying for the shindig), had been saving empty bottles of wine for over a year. He refilled them with cheap cask wine and labelled them for the wedding. A lot of guests thought he had a winery specially label the wine for the wedding. But when a few guests saw the wait staff refilling the empty bottles from goon bags, they told the father the staff were cheating him. He simply replied, "No, I told them to do it. They were originally filled with cask wine any way."

fuzz, at my 21st, one of the girls came and told me that there was a man out the back watering down the spirits. i told her not to worry, that was the old man. not for being tight. rather, he was determined to stop anyone getting pissed (and failed badly in that). he'd recently been appointed to the liquor licensing commission as well, and actually insisted we get a permit to serve alcohol. he even roped off areas of no-go in the house. for some reason, he felt my mates might get out of control. 

by the time of my youngest sister's 21st, he'd given up and her friends were guzzling from the bottle and the place looked like caligula had had a bad night. 

[IanMcLean68]

I used to have a mate that was, for a while at least, not-so-jokingly referred to as "the sponge". Past tense intended.

Nice enough guy for the most part, but his favourite trick was to be lacking the money when something was on, borrow for it, then pay back later in loose change. Of course, he was always short of the full amount, and always had an excuse that you owed him for some piddling little thing in between.

I used to tolerate that sort of behaviour, in my younger years, but not so much these days. Generosity has far greater rewards than material ones, friendship and trust and all that comes with that.

 

[Ken Gargett]

i mentioned the fishing trip. we had one bloke who would always "forget" his wallet. i never understood why as all things were all split (we had a friend of a friend want to come but he did not drink and insisted that we make special arrangements for his share - this was someone i'd never met, wanting to come on 'my' trip and putting down conditions. needless to say, if he ever made fraser island, it was not with us).

this bloke was often very generous with other things. happy to bring really expensive wines and so on. brought foods i found out later he'd not included in the bill despite instructions to do so. but he hated paying for little things. big things, no problem. but always an excuse for smaller items, like a pie at a servo on the way up or a beer or whatever. strange. humans really are strange. 

after two years of this, i reminded him numerous times before the third trip he was coming on. i asked him when we collected him. yes, yes, i have it. 30 minutes later at a servo, whoops, i made a mistake and thought i had it. no problem, i said. we left early in case of any hold-ups. we've plenty of time to go back and get it. out came every excuse. won't be able to find it, he insisted. no matter, i said. we'd all help look. more excuses. in the end i gave up. 

he had enough black marks from other transgressions to make it all too difficult for a fourth trip. 

[Lotusguy]

I mentioned my experience with a guy over here in an earlier response to this topic. I should also mention that when we would go to a cigar dinner with a group of guys he would drink like 5-6 beers while some of us don’t drink at all and not put anything extra for what he drank. And he does this all the time. I mean how the hell do you address this? It’s very awkward to have to say something. Everybody else who drank throws in a little extra. And yet he just bought a $12,000 watch which he loves to show you along with his other jewelry and other watches! 

And you associate with him why?