Funny things your butler says?


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My butler is a constant source of entertainment and humour, a true gentleman's gentleman. He doesnt half crack me up with some of the silly things he comes out with, such as 'Sir when are you going to pay me?

Honestly, the chap lives for free, doesnt pay for accommodation, smokes my cigars, drinks my whisky and uses the Rolls whilst I'm at work.

And he has the audacity to ask when I'm going to pay him?

What funny things does your butler say or do?

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"Sir, your wife's tattoo is adorable" (tattoo on inner thigh)

When seating me for informal breakfast at the kitchen island - "Sir, allow me to push in your stool"

"Sir, perchance does the missus know about your girlfriend(s)? "No? - I think I'm due for a raise"

He's hill-freakin'-larious.....

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My butler has taken to accusing the Russians of hacking whenever he gets the “sorry, just sold the last box” email from Di. It’s wearing thin on me. 

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8 hours ago, SirVantes said:

Besides doing his usual duties with dignity and discretion, my butler is always offering to help maintain my antique silver-topped walking stick (“Polish your knob, sir?) or my heirloom cavalry headgear (“Shine your helmet, sir?”). He’s also happy to help in the kitchen, tenderising steak (“Beat your meat, sir?”) or dispatching the live poultry (“Choke your chicken, sir?”). 

Good man. One of these days I’ll set him to polishing the family jewels. 

Does he reach around with a steadying hand when you're playing five knuckle shuffle?

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9 hours ago, SirVantes said:

Certainly not.  When I am engaged in leisure, I want him handling the staff. 

Our butler, sometimes changes the “L” to a second “T”. He then slides with friends by the pool.

CB

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