Ken Gargett Posted November 15, 2013 Share Posted November 15, 2013 Rob got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind. Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on Friday this year". Mick says, "Let's hope it's not the 13th then." Since the snow came, all the wife has done is look through the window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in. After years of research, scientists have discovered what makes women happy. Nothing. A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt ...Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche.... Just A Reminder to those who stole Electrical Goods in Last Year's Riots....Your One Year Manufacturer's Warranty Runs Out Soon. IT’S A BOY" Smithy shouted "A BOY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, IT’S A BOY". And with tears streaming down his face Smithy swore he'd never visit another Thai Brothel!!! Two Indian junkies accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine.Both in hospital...one's in a korma.. The other's got a dodgy tikka! Sailing results are in, Australia took gold, USA took silver and Somalia took a Middle aged couple from Weymouth. An Englishman has started his own business in Afghanistan ! He is making land Mines that look like prayer mats! It’s doing well! Prophets are going through the roof!! Japanese scientists have created a camera with a shutter speed so fast, they can now photograph a woman with her mouth shut. A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?' Granny replies, "bugger the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!" Little Billy asks his dad for a telly in his room. Dad reluctantly agrees. Next day Billy comes downstairs and asks, 'Dad, what's love juice?' Dad looks horrified and tells Billy all about sex. Billy just sat there with his mouth open in amazement. Dad says, 'So what were you watching?' Billy says, ' Wimbledon .' A woman standing nude in front of a mirror says to her husband: 'I look horrible, I feel fat and ugly, pay me a compliment.' He replies, 'Your eyesight is perfect.' An elderly couple is attending Mass. About halfway through, the wife leans over and says to her husband, 'I just let out a silent fart; what do you think I should do?' He replies, 'Put a new battery in your hearing aid.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skyfall Posted November 15, 2013 Share Posted November 15, 2013 then then again then again then Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blakes Posted November 15, 2013 Share Posted November 15, 2013 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larsy Posted November 15, 2013 Share Posted November 15, 2013 A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt ...Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche.... Laughed so hard at that hahaha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Optic101 Posted November 15, 2013 Share Posted November 15, 2013 Priceless Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
markmurase Posted November 15, 2013 Share Posted November 15, 2013 Ken, I loved 'em all but this old classic was my favourite A woman standing nude in front of a mirror says to her husband: 'I look horrible, I feel fat and ugly, pay me a compliment.' He replies, 'Your eyesight is perfect.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ken Gargett Posted November 15, 2013 Author Share Posted November 15, 2013 my fave is the swimming medals. just about wet myself when i read it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaptainQuintero Posted November 15, 2013 Share Posted November 15, 2013 I approve of this! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
srbbones Posted November 15, 2013 Share Posted November 15, 2013 Bravo! Bravo! I needed those belly laughs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwsaw63 Posted November 15, 2013 Share Posted November 15, 2013 LMAO! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Puros Y Vino Posted November 15, 2013 Share Posted November 15, 2013 Some real winners in there. Bill Maher would approve. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ryan Posted November 15, 2013 Share Posted November 15, 2013 Scottish one for you. Jim switches off the television and says to his wife, 'Right, I'm off down to the pub, put your coat on.' His wife, over the moon, exclaims, 'Oh, are you taking me with you?' 'No, I'm turning the heating off.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trevor2118 Posted November 16, 2013 Share Posted November 16, 2013 just in case rob has any markets left I haven't offended at some time... .......No Ken....I think you pretty well got it covered! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laficion Posted November 16, 2013 Share Posted November 16, 2013 Scottish one for you. Jim switches off the television and says to his wife, 'Right, I'm off down to the pub, put your coat on.' His wife, over the moon, exclaims, 'Oh, are you taking me with you?' 'No, I'm turning the heating off.' Andy, I nearly fell off the chair, Good one there.!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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