how do you talk to your children about cigar smoking?

[KarlJ]

My wife smokes cigarettes(I quit last December). There is no smoking in the house or cars but the kids still see it. My daughter, who is 4, asks questions about it and why mommy smokes. My wife tells her that is bad for you, that mommy shouldn't smoke and that its really hard to quit.

At this point there really hasn't been any question about my cigars but I'm certain there will be. What do you say? I don't know that could explain it to a 4yr. old in a way they could seperate the two and understand the differance. None the less the day is coming and I'm going to have to say something!

Has anyone else crossed this bridge? How did you handle it?

-Karl

[Orion21]

Hi Karl,

I personally would find it hard to tell a child of 4 that something their parent is doing is bad. Right now you both are their world, so even if you tell them its bad they are going to think it's ok because mommy and daddy do it. But the real education will start when they are old enough to fool a store clerk into selling them a pack. I think the best idea is to get the kids involved in helping your wife quit smoking, so that they feel like they are helping her do what is right.

Personally, if I had a wife trying to quit smoking and children at home I would refrain from smoking cigars around them. I would go to a B&M to enjoy a cigar, so that there is no confusion. If it's that important don't put them in the position of having to figure it out. Best of luck!

[brazoseagle]

Hi Karl,

I personally would find it hard to tell a child of 4 that something their parent is doing is bad. Right now you both are their world, so even if you tell them its bad they are going to think it's ok because mommy and daddy do it. But the real education will start when they are old enough to fool a store clerk into selling them a pack. I think the best idea is to get the kids involved in helping your wife quit smoking, so that they feel like they are helping her do what is right.

Personally, if I had a wife trying to quit smoking and children at home I would refrain from smoking cigars around them. I would go to a B&M to enjoy a cigar, so that there is no confusion. If it's that important don't put them in the position of having to figure it out. Best of luck!

I concur.

[KarlJ]

Hi Karl,

I personally would find it hard to tell a child of 4 that something their parent is doing is bad. Right now you both are their world, so even if you tell them its bad they are going to think it's ok because mommy and daddy do it. But the real education will start when they are old enough to fool a store clerk into selling them a pack. I think the best idea is to get the kids involved in helping your wife quit smoking, so that they feel like they are helping her do what is right.

Personally, if I had a wife trying to quit smoking and children at home I would refrain from smoking cigars around them. I would go to a B&M to enjoy a cigar, so that there is no confusion. If it's that important don't put them in the position of having to figure it out. Best of luck!

Actually I'm more interested in how Cigar smokers talk to their children about smoking cigars. Its entirely different than smoking cigarettes and is done for different reasons, but a kid just see's you smoking. So how do you approach the subject?

[riazp]

My son will be 4 in december. He likes to look at my cigars because of the art on the boxes and the pretty bands. To him, its no big deal, there is no point really to worry about this now, when they get older and are old enough to understand, then its time for a talk. I'll pretty much explain to my son the risks of smoking cigars, but then when hes of age and deceides to start, who am I to stop him, that would be pretty hypocritical.

If he does deceide to pick up the hobby, then i'll educate him in the art of cigars and what they are all about, not the cigar itself, but the art of a cigar, its to sit back, relax after along day at work or whatever, and the conversations that surround them, and what its like to be a botl and the botl community worldwide. I actually wish I could sit down and have a cigar with my dad, who is very anti-smoking.

[Lotusguy]

I haven't really talked to my 8 and 10 year old boys about it a lot... I never smoke in the house and they make fun of my ever-growing cigar collection. I do tell them that smoking is bad for you but that cigars are less dangerous than cigarettes.

[semery74]

Tell them the real truth before they get bombarded by the propaganda mill.

[Smallclub]

Tell them the real truth before they get bombarded by the propaganda mill.

Agreed! What do you tell them when they ask about the wine or beer you drink?

[android]

No No...you light it like this!

[KarlJ]

Agreed! What do you tell them when they ask about the wine or beer you drink?

That's easy:

Alcohol is for adults to enjoy responsibly

Don't drink and drive

And lastly and most importantly, never ever stomp grapes in your skivvies and put it on YouTube.

[LeafLover]

"Some fathers smoke cigars."

[Ghabanos]

I just don't do it in front of them. Pretend that it doesn't happen.. Right or wrong that's my approach. I smoke occasionally and 99% after they are asleep or at my b&m. Similar to alcohol I smoke for flavors and enjoyment and is absolutely diff than doing it out of habit or addiction...IMHO

But they arent mature enough to understand yet, so I deliberately avoid exposing them to it as best as I can. I know that they will notice it later in tv movies and with friends... We can certainly discuss then... My kids are 2.5 and 0.5 yrs....

[bolivr]

Hi Karl,

Good topic, thanks for starting it. My boys are 13 and 17. The have had the standard session at school about how bad cigarettes are for you. They also have an understanding that "smoking" is bad for you. This is because the simplistic view they have been told is that anyone that smokes, smokes cigarettes.

This is where I have taken time to reinforce time after time that cigars are different to cigarettes. It's easy to see the differences in appearance as a starting point and the aroma is different too (obviously to us here). They seem to understand that I only smoke maybe twice a week tops and this is a low level of risk (if any) of any health issues. I tell them that cigars are ok as they are a natural product and have cut open some of them to show there is just leaves inside. Cigarettes on the other hand have paper and added chemicals which is not good.

I think they take this on board along with the information that they have been given from school on cigarettes and work it out for themselves.

What they see is me enjoying a cigar and this is a positive experience. It is very different to the information they get from school which quite frankly is extreme in its graphic nature and I am pretty sure is exaggerated beyond what you might call scientifically sound, but that's a topic for another day.

All in all I think its fair to present cigars in a positive light. I cannot work out how I could explain it otherwise to them. I obviously enjoy them. The eldest is not showing any interest at all but maybe the younger chap might be keen in time. I would like to enjoy a cigar with them in the future if they want to. I want to take the approach of riazp in his post above. Nice work riazp!

Mike

[dicko]

My kids (when i have them) are getting the cigars are good lecture

[PigFish]

No No...you light it like this!

"Right on"

I have 3 grandkids. Frankly it is none of their business why I smoke... they are not my judges, nor my peers! They are kids. Their opinion does not much matter.

They like Casa Piggy. They shoot the squirrels here. They get real home cooked meals here, not ones that come in a box. We play war board games and watch Dirty Harry movies! We go to air shows, talk politics and learn about history and the greatness of our country. We approach men and women in uniforms, complete strangers, and thank them for defending our country and our freedom. Freedom of thought is taught here, along with respect, discipline and dominance. Compassion and fair play is also taught. Equality in the eyes of God is taught along side the reality of the inequality of the chain of command in our household.

If they are too delicate for me... if I am gonna' break'em, they can go home! If I have my say, my GK's are not gonna' be pansy assed politically correct kids tied to mommy's apron strings with Coke bottles for eyes and paste for skin because they live in a world dominated by little hand held gadgets with blinking lights. I don't lockem' in a car and smoke, but if they want to go with me to the feed store and I am smoking they make a choice. I am not forced to make a choice, they are.

I share my beliefs with them about cigar smoking and when they are old enough they can make up their own minds about it.

GK- Why do you smoke?

PF- I like it... why do you play La Crosse?

GK- Isn't it bad for you?

PF- Yeah probably, but who wants to live in a world where all the fun stuff is deemed bad, where someone tells you what to do all the time? Do you want to live like that?

GK- NO!

PF- You know you could get your teeth knocked out playing La Crosse, right?

GK- Yep!

PF- Why do you do it then, knowing that it might do you harm, or you could get hurt?

GK- I don't know!

PF- That is why you are here, you know. For me to teach you how to think on your own... Are the kids too tough in La Crosse? Do you want to quit? Want me to buy you a dolly?

GK- NO! I just think that your cigars are kinda' gross.

PF- That is okay... It is still a free country, you can think what you want, just keep you opinion to yourself because it is not going to affect my behavior in any way at all; except possibly to piss me off. Do you want me pissed off?

GK- Nope!

The proceeding was a paraphrased real conversation with one of my grandsons.

I have one other comment about thinking things trough. Do any one of you want to live in a world where a kid makes your decisions? Then why would you teach them, conspire with them to undermine the authority of your marriage or your wife's authority as an individual parent? Yes, little Suzy may help Mommy quit smoking by guilting her, but did you think for a second that you just taught little Suzy to conspire with Daddy to change Mommy's behavior; to manipulate Mommy, to guilt Mommy, that her childish judgement is better than Mommy's? While you may or may not change Mommy, you certainly gave a life lesson to little Suzy!!!

Guess what folks! Daddy and little Suzy are the same people putting those stupid pictures on cigar boxes, all grown up now... And guess what else; they are doing it for all the same reasons, because somewhere in life, they were taught that their "moral authority" was superior to your independent thought and a rationale for their tyranny.

-The Pig

[Rehman]

Holymoly guacamoly, Piggy, that's tellin' 'em!

[davidl]

I think the bottom line for me is: "Do YOU think cigar smoking is bad"?. Since the answer is probably no, your children should share the same values as you. After all, It is our jobs as parents, to impart what we deem correct values in our kids.

For me, cigar smoking is often coupled with the best quality time that my two kids (5 and 7) spend with me. After all, how often do I actually spend a couple of hours in the garden doing nothing but spending time with the kids. We are all busy professionals, with not so much time to spare. Cigar smoking provides a lot of great time with my kids.

With that said, I always make sure they are not too close to me. As I do not want them to inhale any second hand smoke.

As far as how to approach: I do not approach, but when they asked, I told them the truth. Cigarettes kill, and cigars are OK (too young to understand moderation) . Now, the kids are fully aware that cigarettes kill, and cigars are different (Mom will be a nurse in a few months).

I understand this approach is a problem for you, since your wife smokes...i guess it's going to be harder for you to deliver this message. If it helps, they probably already know all about the hazards of smoking. My kids were taught about it in kindergarten.

[cigcars]

As adults like and enjoy things that have varying degrees of some "consequences", and as the real concern for all as far as anything we adults do as being an "influence on the kids"; the way our aunts and grandparents handled it was; Child would see them smoking - and they were cigarettes *child would say, "what is that, can I try?" *grandparent/aunt always handled it here with, "sure, here you go." They'd give the still lit cigarette to the small child letting them hold it the way the adult did - and draw. By the time the kid finished coughing, harking, holding his/her throat falling on the floor writhing, etc., etc. they knew they didn't have to worry about them sneaking off & trying it in secret, etc. Same thing with beer. Small 4 year old would see auntie with a can of beer & ask, "what is that, can I try?" "Sure, here you go..." child wouldn't get past the first sip before scrunching his little face up in disgust & going, "EEEUUUUHH!!!"

And wouldn't have to worry about them sneaking off trying it in secret...in other words they let them satisfy their curiosity then & there. That was how adults handled it in our days in the 50's & 60's. Nowadays, peer pressure gets them involved in more crap than anything we adults enjoying our "pleasures" will.

My niece nowadays (who is now 12) accepts our habit without any stuff and NO desire to smoke anything. She doesn't approve, fearing for our health, but respects our right nonetheless. Yep, they have freedom of speech around us and know

that we're going to indulge in our cigar smoking regardless, and she goes to another section of the house while we do.

************

In short, what do we say to the children about our cigar smoking? Nothing. Their opinion doesn't count in the house where WE'RE payin' the bills.

[Habanos2000]

I think how you discuss it all depends on the age of the kids. My boys are 13 and 16, they don't like the way my cigars smell and are, at this point, pretty disinterested in them. They've asked me in the past why I smoke, and I make it clear that cigars are different than cigarettes and that when they're adults and can afford to buy their own cigars they can make that choice. I said happen to enjoy them, started smoking cigars when I was 30 and enjoy them in moderation.

I look forward to the time when I might enjoy a cigar with them when they're older and if they don't want to join in, that's fine with me.

[MIKA27]

My son will be 4 in december. He likes to look at my cigars because of the art on the boxes and the pretty bands. To him, its no big deal, there is no point really to worry about this now, when they get older and are old enough to understand, then its time for a talk. I'll pretty much explain to my son the risks of smoking cigars, but then when hes of age and deceides to start, who am I to stop him, that would be pretty hypocritical.

If he does deceide to pick up the hobby, then i'll educate him in the art of cigars and what they are all about, not the cigar itself, but the art of a cigar, its to sit back, relax after along day at work or whatever, and the conversations that surround them, and what its like to be a botl and the botl community worldwide. I actually wish I could sit down and have a cigar with my dad, who is very anti-smoking.

I feel riazp answer is 'spot on' and I completely agree.

Added to this, I myself am 'Anti smoking' if that makes sense seeing I smoke cigars. And as hypocritical as this may sound, I still for the life of me, couldn't drag on a cigarette, yet if I wished, I could do so on a cigar!

Whilst my father used to smoke cigarettes (Pack of 50 per day) I loathed cigarettes, still do, always will but a cigar is indeed completely different and it's all about 'why' one enjoys a cigar vs the 'need to' smoke a cigarette which IMO is an addiction to smoke.

Yes, cigars are addictive, but for me, the addiction is not selfish where I need a 'fix' for my brain but rather a need to buy them, store them, age them and enjoy and share them in the pursuit of relaxation, commoraderie with close, good friends over a drink or two.

I do not smoke cigars indoors and as such, only enjoy them outside. When it rains, I obviously do not light one up and whilst it is a shame, I can live with that, whereas cigarette smokers 'must' have a smoke regardless, so they venture out on the porch, arms wrapped around themselves huddled from the cold, sucking on a cigarette as fast as they can to get their fix and get back inside to warmth regardless, because their brain is telling them they 'need this' no matter what.

This of course, is what I will tell my son one day should he ever ask and if he ever wishes to enjoy a cigar with his dad one day, I will more than happily like that as I did with my father as it still is one of my most fondest moments with him back when we went deer shooting and we enjoyed a Padron.

[tdlfoto]

and i have many more like it.

he's not really smoking, just being silly. he likes to look at my humidor and loves when i give him empty boxes to use for his toys, desk, etc. i liken it to when i was his age and growing up in an italian family there was always an abundance of wine around. surely by his age i had had my first sip, likely grimaced, and returned later to try again. can't tell you how many times my nonoo would have me sneak a mouthful from the hose while racking bottles in the cantina. he would keep watch to make sure nonna didn't see. a very fond memory indeed. and low and behold i didnt turn out to be a drunk. everything in moderation, and with good judgement. that's all.

i look forward to the day, should HE decide to indulge, when i can enjoy habanos with my son.