a day with Ken

[El Presidente]

Friday dawned and I was at rugby training at 6am as the early winter dawn took hold. Due to the floods in Brisbane January our normal training fields are out for the year and we are in temporary facilities which demand the damn awful earling morning start 3 days a week.

I knew Ken would be popping around early as he was trying my mechanic for the first time to service his old Beemer. 8:30 am and he pulled up as a passenger to mate Graeme who picked him up from the mechanic and dropped him off to Czar house for the day.

Smithy was out the front sweeping (Friday our cleaning day), I was on the deck doing e-mails and yet I could not hide the smile as Ken alighted from Graeme's Mercedes and said......" Smithers....can you get the bags"

Now ken has a larger than life presence as I am sure you can all imagine and he makes himself well at home and has the team doting after him. Coffee, water, lunch, internet acces etc etc. The morning sun was too bright on the deck for him and he was struggling to read his screen. He asked me to ask God to turn it down. I suggested he move inside given God is not going to do any particular favours for him any time soon.

His phone rang. It was Frank....my mechanic.

"ken....if it was a horse we would shoot it"

My second (and last) smile for the day as Ken apparently needs a new car. I have heard stuck pigs squeal less but he eventually relented that he knew something was amiss for the last few weeks and that he was quite certain the car might not make it to the mechanic. As forum readers well remember....this is the same lovingly cared for car which had a plant growing out of the rear windscreen rubber...apparently thriving on the nutrients of built up compost.

Naturally the allmighty decided my mirth could not continued and decided to corrupt my server. All e-mail down (still is) and my IT tech arrived mid afternoon with that look on his face that Monday would appear to be the only time he would become interested in the problem. Screw you.

Ken delighted in the change of fate and needled as a true professional would for the rest of the day. However it is Friday on the deck and you never know which recalcitrant would turn up (and there were plenty).

Artie and his Maserate turned up first and parked right under the deck. ken proceeded to ash on it with is Monte Especial. Class

Highlight goes to Peter (PJ) Byrne who with Greg Hutley turned up after a long lunch come 4pm. You should have seen his shoes....bright purple with gold trimmings. We in the end came to the conclusion they were chameleon leather as he has a matching red pair (I assume they killed the chameleon when angry).

I do love Kens comment....."Do they have them in mens?"

Just another average day on the deck.

So Ken is in the market for a new car. He is thinking Range Rover but I have been trying to recall the car the Mr. Bean drives?

[cigcars]

*How I would LOVE to have a Maserati...Quattroporte. 4 door. Sapphire midnight blue. With tan leather interior. YYYYEEEESSSS!!

[Maron76]

You have a great way of telling a story. But I must ask, was Ken wearing any shoes? I swear that in every review video I have seen he is always barefoot! He must be part hillbilly.....

[Colt45]

So Ken is in the market for a new car. He is thinking Range Rover but I have been trying to recall the car the Mr. Bean drives?

Maybe he has another relative he can get a car from.......

[Habanakane21]

You've painted a wonderful picture of the day in the life of Ken. I love it. He's a crack up.

The deck seems like it's TPTB...The Place To Be..I'll have to were my purple gator shoes when I make it over one day.

[gigabyte056]

Mr Bean drives a mini.

I don't think Ken will fit them, and if he does it will have to be surgically removed...

The new Mini however might fit but will require a sex change :rotfl:

Suggest a Humvee.

[CBL]

Shouldn't Ken have a camera crew following him around?

[CigarmanTim]

A yugo or a smart car.... in pink for Brisbanes alfa male

[Ghabanos]

So Ken is in the market for a new car. He is thinking Range Rover but I have been trying to recall the car the Mr. Bean drives?

[aavkk]

Rob that was great, thanks. They really do dote over him, not even my beautiful wife was able to get the WIFI password for the deck

[BobKincaid]

I must ask, was Ken wearing any shoes? I swear that in every review video I have seen he is always barefoot! He must be part hillbilly.....

Hey! Easy! As the self-appointed resident Hillbilly Elitist, I feel compelled to inform y'all that we gin-you-wine hillbillies ALWAYS wear shoes when we're off-continent.

I'll check the registry and see if I can find anything that would entitle Ken to the Auncient and Cantankerous appellation of "hillbilly." After all, he does appear to be both "auncient" AND "cantankerous." He might qualify based solely upon his conduct in the OpenMaster reviews.

P.S. If Ken was truly a hillbilly, he'd have a spare Beemer up on blocks in his front yard.

[PigFish]

Great story amigo; I loved it.

Ken might I suggest a burial at sea for the Beemer. They make for great reef shelter and help provide the sustenance for the oceans larger beasts (insert Ken's favorite marine mammal here).

I mean if it was good enough for Bin Laden it must be good enough for Bim W!!!

You can email me about the ceremony. Will luncheon be served? -Piggy

[SmokinLightning]

Maybe he has another relative he can get a car from.......

[ajgagnon]

The only solution is to watch Top Gear reruns until you can't handle it anymore...and then buy a bicycle.

Or, if the Mini is too small/too fem, I think I could see Ken in a Lada, acting all Pierce Brosnan/007 as he searches out the best deals for cigars and wine across the southern hemisphere, evading machine gun fire . "I have a brown bag special for you, El Presidente..."

[BobKincaid]

this is the same lovingly cared for car which had a plant growing out of the rear windscreen rubber

Given those parameters, Ken needs a Trabant.

[asmith]

Smithy was out the front sweeping (Friday our cleaning day), I was on the deck doing e-mails and yet I could not hide the smile as Ken alighted from Graeme's Mercedes and said......" Smithers....can you get the bags"

I replied "G-Day Graeme, hope you have a great day! Get F#^ked Ken carry your own bags!"

[Ken Gargett]

if you didn't spend your days smuggling cigars, you'd write fairy stories for a living.

what a load of...

i couldn't recognise the day - except for pj and his liberace shoes.

coffee? seriously. i got a glass of water for the day (and lisa kindly let me have a few leftovers for lunch).

i had to bring my own wine (which you drank). it was a wonder i didn't have to bring my own glass.

and all i heard all day was this terminal bitching and moaning and whinging (honestly, i thought i was back in england). my internet won't work. boo hoo. the government won't give me money. whaaaaa. endless.

i used to think he spent so much time on my balcony to avoid going home. now i know it is because they have barred him.

[mazolaman]

and all i heard all day was this terminal bitching and moaning and whinging (honestly, i thought i was back in england). my internet won't

Not sure you'd get into England these days,there are a few more restrictions,

we don't tend to let people in who don't have the money or nouse to run a car.

As a lefty,I find this upsetting,as I believe the poverty stricken and mentally challenged should be given a chance.

[Ken Gargett]

seriously guys, that any of you believe a word ayala concocts is beyond me (and beyond reasonable comprehension).

it was a 20 plus year old car that has been fantastic but all good things must end.

has no one else ever needed a new car?

i might add that this car has not run over any family pets (unlike some!!), unless you count cats as pets and it was old and it was not me that did it.

[First Lady]

How about this car Ken

[frenchkiwi]

So Ken is in the market for a new car. He is thinking Range Rover but I have been trying to recall the car the Mr. Bean drives?

Mr Bean's car is a classy mini. His car-Nemesis however is a Reliable Robin, a better suggestion perhaps?