Trevor2118 Posted March 4, 2008 Share Posted March 4, 2008 Press Release, Queensland, Australia, Today. Australia’s FOH has reported that its senior agent, codename CZAR1, is missing in action. FOH is Australia’s premium agency, ranking up there with America's CIA, Russia’s KGB, Britain’s BBC, and Germany’s FU. CZAR1 was sent into harm’s way nearly three weeks ago, with his ably bodied wingman, codename KN (as in pepper). Despite a great armoury of communication equipment, only short garbled messages have to date been received from KN, and nothing at all from CZAR1. FOH’s Financial Director, Miss Penny-Pincher, says that no expense was spared this year in equipping the agents with the best communication equipment available. As an example, she states that CZAR1 was supplied with a “chipped” mobile phone and a special mobile phone tracking unit, to ensure that at all times CZAR1’s phone could be located. Unfortunately, the tracking unit was handed into Brisbane’s Airport lost property office by cleaning staff on the day of departure. As a back-up, the team was given a pair of long distance homing-pigeons and a supply of specially formulated bird seed. Unfortunately the bird’s condition is raising concerns at FOH now, as it is reported that KN mistakenly ate the bird seed during the air flight (thinking it was a free snack) and is in the process of suing the airline company about its poor quality food. As a further back-up, Miss Penny-Pincher supplied the team with a message stick, something the Locals here in Australia use as a primitive form of communication. Unfortunately, this has caused uproar within the nation, as one does not just take message-sticks off the Locals. This outrage lead to Australia’s Prime Minister saying that he was Sorry that this had happened. (The opposition leader said that he was Sorry also, but emphasised that it really wasn’t his fault). The Locals, obviously jubilant by this apology, decided to celebrate by burning down Australia’s parliament house, but unfortunately, it turned out that what was taken was not actually a message-stick, but one of their two fire-sticks. With only one fire-stick left, the burning-down did not proceed. At FOH it is thought that the single fire-stick in CZAR1’s possession may be of little use. The above is of course only background information on the mission. The mission itself, is for the FOH team to infiltrate the small country of Cohiba, located just off the US coast-line (actually very close to Cuba), and to disrupt their annual cigar festival. Previous attempts have only lead to moderate success, judging by the fact that the team is allowed back into the Country each year. Apparently Cohiba’s leader has taken this year’s assault very seriously, as just 24 hours before the team’s arrival; he decided to quit the country. He is reportedly living with a FOH informant codename JIMMY2 in the USA. His departure has lead to a CIA think-tank being formed to determine the best way to continue the embargo; so that they can keep low-cost Cohiba cigars for themselves (they obtain their cigars through an interagency agreement with FOH). Previous CIA initiatives included invasion (not very popular with the Cohiba’s) and increasing tax on cigars from 1 cent to $10 (not very popular with smokers). Officials from FOH say that they are dumbfounded with CZAR1's inability to contact HO. Despite failure of some of the communication devices, there are still public phones, faxes, email, SMS etc available. There are serious concerns that the team has gone feral and become rogue agents. Stop & Detain Notices have been sent to all overseas airports, seaports, railway stations and bath-houses in an attempt to capture the two. The last garbled message from KN was that the team was splitting up (probably to avoid detection). The lack of information makes it impossible to determine the success of the mission, however it appears to be a total failure, as the festival has apparently now concluded. This failure would appear to create great difficulties for CZAR1 when it eventually comes to submitting his expense accounts to Miss Penny-Pincher, as she is apparently outraged with the failure, and especially the “need” for the team to take a week’s holiday before and after the mission. In a direct quote, Miss Penny-Pincher said “F$##mm&%#@()*><?/{}[[]+_|?#[email protected]” An updated advice will be issued when the team surfaces and extradition orders are in place. Perhaps a few words regarding the Festival itself may be appropriate at that time. Perhaps! End Press Release. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anacostiakat Posted March 4, 2008 Share Posted March 4, 2008 Another episode of The Man From Czar. . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colt45 Posted March 4, 2008 Share Posted March 4, 2008 :clap: APB out to anywhere it's raining men....... super secret code names unger and madison. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trevor2118 Posted March 4, 2008 Author Share Posted March 4, 2008 » super secret code names unger and madison. :wink: :-D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tigger Posted March 4, 2008 Share Posted March 4, 2008 LMAO at this whole thread! » super secret code names unger and madison. » codename KN (as in pepper). So maybe their super eyes only secret IDs are Salt n Pepa? Oooh baby baby... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zuma Posted March 4, 2008 Share Posted March 4, 2008 » LMAO at this whole thread! » » So maybe their super eyes only secret IDs are Salt n Pepa? » » Oooh baby baby... bloody hilarious... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
First Lady Posted March 4, 2008 Share Posted March 4, 2008 I will have whatever you have been smoking Trevor ;-) Apparently CZAR01 is due to land tomorrow so lets see what stories I get ......... had a short call yesterday something about Pool, cocktails and wingman..... very worried about them :-D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fatshotbud Posted March 4, 2008 Share Posted March 4, 2008 » I will have whatever you have been smoking Trevor ;-) » » Apparently CZAR01 is due to land tomorrow so lets see what stories I get » ......... had a short call yesterday something about Pool, cocktails and » wingman..... very worried about them :-D Great stuff Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
habanablue Posted March 5, 2008 Share Posted March 5, 2008 Great work Trevor - well done! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crossbow Posted March 5, 2008 Share Posted March 5, 2008 » I will have whatever you have been smoking Trevor ;-) » » Apparently CZAR01 is due to land tomorrow so lets see what stories I get » ......... had a short call yesterday something about Pool, cocktails and » wingman..... very worried about them :-D I would be.:-D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mel39 Posted March 6, 2008 Share Posted March 6, 2008 Very clever, Trevor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skindiver Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 » Very clever, Trevor. Funny stuff! I was there to witness their assault on the festival, it was damned near successful, too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wp2 Posted March 9, 2008 Share Posted March 9, 2008 » Great work Trevor - well done! What habanablue said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Presidente Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 Very good Trevor The reality is that when I am on assignment I immediately instigate a communications blackout. The blackout commences at the Qantas lounge at Brisbane airport. To give Ken his credit he tried unsuccessfully to get me to go to the Nacional Hotel to utilize the internet. This however entailed leaving my bed or my glass of rum and hopping in a taxi for 10 minutes. Never going to happen. Rest assured my family and Lise had the number to the house that I was staying in. The house had standing instructions that I was in perpetual meetings and to take a message. It should be noted that Fidel stepped down a few days before the Down Under "tornado team" arrived. He no doubt could see the writing on the wall. Yet again PCC and HSA execs were glad to see us and even happier to see us leave. Mission accomplished ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ken Gargett Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 » Very good Trevor » » The reality is that when I am on assignment I immediately instigate a » communications blackout. The blackout commences at the Qantas lounge at » Brisbane airport. » » To give Ken his credit he tried unsuccessfully to get me to go to the » Nacional Hotel to utilize the internet. This however entailed leaving my » bed or my glass of rum and hopping in a taxi for 10 minutes. Never going » to happen. » » Rest assured my family and Lise had the number to the house that I was » staying in. The house had standing instructions that I was in perpetual » meetings and to take a message. » » It should be noted that Fidel stepped down a few days before the Down » Under "tornado team" arrived. He no doubt could see the writing on the » wall. » » Yet again PCC and HSA execs were glad to see us and even happier to see us » leave. » » Mission accomplished ;-) trevor, just seen this. excellent. and a bit too close to the bone. rob has one typo. that should read "however entailed leaving my bed AND my glass of rum". the really scary thing is rob and i discussed said felix and oscar and decided we were probably way too clkose for comfort. and it appears that others may think so too. oscar has always been my hero and role model and i am deeply honoured by the comparison. as for that nancy felix, rob to a tee. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Presidente Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 » oscar has always been my hero and role model and i am deeply honoured by » the comparison. as for that nancy felix, rob to a tee. Settle down Romeo. I agree that you share certain similarities to Oscar (you haven't made your bed since 1978) but Oscar never relied on Felix to get him a date. A story for another day ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ken Gargett Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 » » oscar has always been my hero and role model and i am deeply honoured by » » the comparison. as for that nancy felix, rob to a tee. » » Settle down Romeo. I agree that you share certain similarities to Oscar » (you haven't made your bed since 1978) but Oscar never relied on Felix to » get him a date. A story for another day ;-) a pimp flicking off one of his working girls is hardly getting a date, and do i have to remind you of previous tours when i would be sent forth (and best we all leave off now). now, if you'll excuse me, i'm off to bed. it is extremely late here and i have much work to do in my fave two starred restaurant tomorrow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now