What Is The Dumbest Thing Your Kid Has Ever Done (Or Yourself For That Matter) -- Weave Us All A Tale...

[HarveyBoulevard]

So, as the title suggests, what is the dumbest/silliest thing your child has done?  What is the dumbest/silliest thing you have ever done?  Weave a tale for us.  Put us in the room as your child covers themselves in maple syrup then flour...let us feel your pain as your kid etches their initials in your car's paint...

My 5 year old girl loves my stories of me eating dog food, eating a slug, almost getting hit in the head with a beer bottle, etc.  I have some I can share when she gets a bit older but I digress...

When I was about 17, I was a senior in high school.  I had a car, I had a job, I thought I was hot shit.  One day on the way home school, a couple guys in a van pulled up to me in a parking lot.  They said they had been installing some serious high end stereos at a few customer's homes but when they were done, they had some extra top shelf speakers that were 'overstocked' on their truck.  They pulled out some literature on the speakers and told me how much they retailed for, etc.  They gave me a great story and asked if I would be interested.  I said I only had a couple hundred bucks on me and they suggested they follow me to the bank and I could withdraw the rest from the ATM.  I was a naive moron and let one of them ride in my car to the bank while the other guy drove the van.  I pulled out some cash and we did the deed.  I proudly went home to show my dad what a great deal I had gotten on some super high end speakers and...that didn't go well

Dad was nice but drove the point home.  I actually remember this event as a pivotal point in my youth that changed my outlook and direction in life.  That lesson have saved me more times than I can count and I have yet to purchase that oceanfront property in Arizona or the London Bridge...

I have lots more but I get tired of typing quickly.  I will augment post recuperation

* dictated but not read

[El Presidente]

Big night in Sydney. Huge 

Back to a new Boutique heritage listed hotel. I thought at 2am that it would be a great idea to take a shower. I managed to turn on the hot water and then went to sit on the bed and take off my boots (leaving the water to heat up). 

I was woken 4 hours later by two fireman in the room.  They opened windows and the steam poured out of the apartment. There were alarms going off. 

In my undies I went to the window. There on the pavement were a couple of hundred people.  They had evacuated the hotel. 

I went to breakfast in the hotel foyer. Lovely little intimate breakfast area.  Everyone booed as I walked in. 

.......I decided to walk to the warehouse as I had a new iphone with maps. 

Part 2 later. 

 

[El Presidente]

Part 2 

Checking out, the reception nazi wanted to charge me $2000 for the Fire brigade false alarm.  I mentioned to him that there was a small issue in his logic.......  there was no fire.  He stated negligence and court action.  I told him to go his hardest, turned and walked out the door with my backpack and shiny new Iphone 4.  This was the first time I had stayed in this hotel....how lucky were they ....and so I wasn't completely aufait with the surrounding area. Iphone maps....4 kilometres to the warehouse.....I had plenty of time + it was a nice morning....let's walk. 

Without paying too much attention to the landscape I followed IPhone maps. left, right, 200m left....."how good is this" I thought.  Much like in the old TV program HR Puffinstuff ,the landscape changed and before long I was in the heart of Redfern outside of Tony Mundines gym.  For those not familiar, picture Harlem in the 70's.

"Where you Goin Brudda" inquired the erstwhile indigenous gentlemen on the corner. 

"to work" I said

"Nice boots. Can we carry your backpack for you brudda?" said one.  "Is that the new IPhone...can  I take a look?" said the other. 

It was 8:15am. so far it wasn't my best of days. 

 

To be continued Part 3

 

 

 

 

 

[Fuzz]

Just now, El Presidente said:

Part 2 

Checking out, the reception nazi wanted to charge me $2000 for the Fire brigade false alarm.  I mentioned to him that there was a small issue in his logic.......  there was no fire.  He stated negligence and court action.  I told him to go his hardest, turned and walked out the door with my backpack and shiny new Iphone 4.  This was the first time I had stayed in this hotel....how lucky were they ....and so I wasn't completely aufait with the surrounding area. Iphone maps....4 kilometres to the warehouse.....I had plenty of time + it was a nice morning....let's walk. 

Without paying too much attention to the landscape I followed IPhone maps. left, right, 200m left....."how good is this" I thought.  Much like in the old TV program HR Puffinstuff ,the landscape changed and before long I was in the heart of Redfern outside of Tony Mundines gym.  For those not familiar, picture Harlem in the 70's.

"Where you Goin Brudda" inquired the erstwhile indigenous gentlemen on the corner. 

"to work" I said

"Nice boots. Can we carry your backpack for you brudda?" said one.  "Is that the new IPhone...can  I take a look?" said the other. 

It was 8:15am. so far it wasn't my best of days. 

 

To be continued Part 3

 

Yes, it was a lovely walk, wasn't it.

[La_Tigre]

3 hours ago, El Presidente said:

I was in the heart of Redfern outside of Tony Mundines gym.  For those not familiar, picture Harlem in the 70's.

"Where you Goin Brudda" inquired the erstwhile indigenous gentlemen on the corner. 

"to work" I said

"Nice boots. Can we carry your backpack for you brudda?" said one.  "Is that the new IPhone...can  I take a look?" said the other. 

It was 8:15am. so far it wasn't my best of days. 

 

To be continued Part 3

 

 

 

 

 

Sounds a lot like Ocho Rios yesterday...

[slowsmoke]

Every Easter few of the houses on our cul de sac with small kids get together and have an egg hunt party. A couple years ago my kids were chomping at the bit all day to get over to the neighbor house that was hosting. They saw other kids outside. My wife was still prepping food or something, and I was being lazy, so I said ok fine kids go ahead, we’ll be over in a few minutes.

They all hustle across the street. Couldn’t be more than ten minutes later, as I’m walking into their back yard, a mom approaches me with a very concerned, perhaps panicked look on her face. “I think [my 6 year old boy] just ate an egg dye tablet!” I take two steps around the corner, and find my boy, neon pink all over his hands, lips and mouth, running in circles, gagging and spitting bright pink everywhere. There is now quite an audience of people watching. Yep, he saw the egg dye kit, thought the little tablets were candy, and popped who knows how many on his mouth, chewed and swallowed. He sees me, runs straight to me, and pukes neon pink and purple all over my feet. He’s rolling in the grass, crying, scratching his tongue with his hands, looking like a psychedelic clown having a bad trip. One of the moms who had the presence of mind to read the box shouts “its non-toxic!” At which point I just have to start laughing. Took him home, cleaned him up, and let him whimper for a while. He went to school for a couple days with pink lips.

Now we have a fun story to tell each Easter over beers with the neighbors. Fortunately it doesn’t seem to have affected his IQ too terribly.

[marquardt65]

Picture this. My oldest (now 7) is at the time no more than 2 years old. Decides that today is the day he's going to teach himself to climb out of his crib for the first time and destroy his room. We were having a nap on the main floor when we heard the bang and went running. Not to a child screaming or anything but laughing, like a clown in a horror movie, at what he had done. We discovered every toy, book and anything that could be moved to the floor, on the floor, and someone decided it would be a good idea to cover and rub in an entire bottle of baby (Johnson and Johnson) shampoo into our brand new rocking chair and ottoman, as well as all over him. Needless to say, that set was ruined and we learned not to leave the baby alone for too long or leave bottles of shampoo lying around.

[joeypots]

I was fishing in the Nauset Inlet on the ocean coast of Cape Cod in a 14' skiff. The tide was dropping so I would motor in a few hundred yards and drift out until I was  close to the growing rip tide where the inlet met the ocean. So I motor in and start to drift an eel and as I look across the water i see a large white fish bobbing in the water. As I think to myself, "The guys at the tackle shop will think I'm nuts if I say I saw a white whale." I notice how close I am to the breaking waves in the rip. I think to my self, "Bow forward, I can get through this." First wave, not too big. The second wave I encountered flipped the boat over, bow over stern. I wasn't hurt but my anchor almost hit me in the head as I tumbled. The skiff wouldn't sink but once righted it was full of water and any imbalance  would flip it over. So I climbed on the the bottom of the skiff, noticed I was sliding down the coast at a pretty good clip, and thought to my self that I could do this all day, I'm not dead. I wasn't too worried because I was drifting into a populated area. I knew there would be lots of boats around soon. I saw a lobster boat  and waved. He motored over eventually and the first thing he said was, "Some fuckin' stupid, huh?" He could't get in because the water was too low and he didn't want to be bothered helping me anyway. So he  radioed the coast Guard. There was a  small boat close by who heard the call and  picked me up and called off the CG.  I was back at my house in 45 minutes, about 6:30 AM, my wife was sound asleep. It was a mola mola, or ocean sunfish. The CG called in two hours they had my boat in tow and I could pick  it up at a local boat yard. By 10:30 that morning the boat had been picked up,  motor cylinders filled with motor oil, and dropped of at my mechanics to get the motor flushed properly as to avoid any serious damage. Quite a morning. Before you judge, sooner or later everyone who spends a lot of time in their boat, small or large, gets in trouble.

[MD Puffer]

5 hours ago, marquardt65 said:

Picture this. My oldest (now 7) is at the time no more than 2 years old. Decides that today is the day he's going to teach himself to climb out of his crib for the first time and destroy his room. We were having a nap on the main floor when we heard the bang and went running. Not to a child screaming or anything but laughing, like a clown in a horror movie, at what he had done. We discovered every toy, book and anything that could be moved to the floor, on the floor, and someone decided it would be a good idea to cover and rub in an entire bottle of baby (Johnson and Johnson) shampoo into our brand new rocking chair and ottoman, as well as all over him. Needless to say, that set was ruined and we learned not to leave the baby alone for too long or leave bottles of shampoo lying around.

So my boy is 2 in a few weeks.  We've learned that whenever he's quiet, something is amiss.  We have a play area next to the kitchen that has three central air ducts.  He's fascinated with removing the grates and sticking toys down the duct work.  After I taped them to the floor so that he couldn't remove them, he's taken to squeezing the tip of his sippy cup or bottle and emptying his milk down the vent.  I'm worried about the first time he climbs out of his crib since his room is upstairs.  Luckily, it's a deep crib and I think we have time.  But that little guy is like a monkey.  He climbs on or over everything he can.  I was grilling a month ago- going in and out of the house to flip burgers, etc- and I came back in and look over and he's hanging onto the back of the couch.  He underestimated the drop off I suppose.  The "oh shit" look on his face was priceless.  And if I didn't need to go grab him I would've photographed it.  It is so hard keeping up with a 2 year old...

[JGD]

6 hours ago, MD Puffer said:

So my boy is 2 in a few weeks.  We've learned that whenever he's quiet, something is amiss.  We have a play area next to the kitchen that has three central air ducts.  He's fascinated with removing the grates and sticking toys down the duct work.  After I taped them to the floor so that he couldn't remove them, he's taken to squeezing the tip of his sippy cup or bottle and emptying his milk down the vent.  I'm worried about the first time he climbs out of his crib since his room is upstairs.  Luckily, it's a deep crib and I think we have time.  But that little guy is like a monkey.  He climbs on or over everything he can.  I was grilling a month ago- going in and out of the house to flip burgers, etc- and I came back in and look over and he's hanging onto the back of the couch.  He underestimated the drop off I suppose.  The "oh shit" look on his face was priceless.  And if I didn't need to go grab him I would've photographed it.  It is so hard keeping up with a 2 year old...

My one and a half year old picked up a grate and thew it down the duct the other day. He thought it was hilarious. My four year old was more interested in the two broomstick-duct tape-clothes hanger contraption that I put together to fish it out.  

[El Presidente]

23 hours ago, El Presidente said:

Part 2 

Checking out, the reception nazi wanted to charge me $2000 for the Fire brigade false alarm.  I mentioned to him that there was a small issue in his logic.......  there was no fire.  He stated negligence and court action.  I told him to go his hardest, turned and walked out the door with my backpack and shiny new Iphone 4.  This was the first time I had stayed in this hotel....how lucky were they ....and so I wasn't completely aufait with the surrounding area. Iphone maps....4 kilometres to the warehouse.....I had plenty of time + it was a nice morning....let's walk. 

Without paying too much attention to the landscape I followed IPhone maps. left, right, 200m left....."how good is this" I thought.  Much like in the old TV program HR Puffinstuff ,the landscape changed and before long I was in the heart of Redfern outside of Tony Mundines gym.  For those not familiar, picture Harlem in the 70's.

"Where you Goin Brudda" inquired the erstwhile indigenous gentlemen on the corner. 

"to work" I said

"Nice boots. Can we carry your backpack for you brudda?" said one.  "Is that the new IPhone...can  I take a look?" said the other. 

It was 8:15am. so far it wasn't my best of days. 

 

To be continued Part 3

 

 

 

 

 

Part 3 

Things were getting edgy in The Block Redfern. 

My imagery was of the the 1971 film The Warriors. Great movie where a wrongly accused gang needs to get back to their turf of Coney Island. 

Change coney island to the suburb of Alexandria and this was exactly the same situation except that I am a fat white guy in python Cuban heel  boots relying on Iphone maps to find my way to the end of the street. 

"Leave the nice white man alone"  came a voice from an apartment Window. 

I looked up and there was a lovely grandmother smiling down. 

"Go on honey. Anyone around here up an  before noon isn't going to cause you a problem"  we all broke out laughing.  

My new guides said they would take me to the train station which apparently was the boundary of the two suburbs.  I asked how far away it was and he said " 200 metres".  

"I can walk" I said. 

"you'd think so " he said ,before heading off with me in tow.  

I arrived at work 8:45 am.  It had been an eventful morning