great toasts

[Ken Gargett]

when fishing in nz recently, had this discussion with a friend from texas. he'd been told one by an old fisherman which i thought was a cracker, posted below.

anyone else got any good ones/

“If I had a ticket to heaven,

But you didn’t have one too,

I’d tear my ticket in half….

And go to hell with you”

[Colt45]

"If I lived up on a mountain,

and wore a cowboy hat,

I'd love you now and forever,

unless you got real fat"

lord..........

[sounddust]

Man, and here I was expecting something bread-related.

[Guest rob]

I was expecting best-man speeches.

[laficion]

Here is a " French toast "

Lets lift our glasses to our wives and our horses and to those who mount them.

[WYPirate]

Here's to the bull who roams through the wood,

And does all of the hefers so very much good,

If it wasn't for him, and his little red rod,

There'd none of us here 'could eat steaks by God".

[Shelby07]

Here's to all the great memories we'd have if we didn't drink

[KB24]

An Irish Toast:

Here's to cheating, stealing,

fighting, and drinking.

If you cheat, cheat death.

If you steal, steal a woman's heart.

If you fight, fight for a brother.

If you drink, drink with me!!

[Warren]

This ones not so much a toast as it is a curse but I've always liked it.

I hope your chooks turn into emus and kick your dunny down.

[GoSteelers]

My two favorite

May your glass be ever full.

May the roof over your head be always strong.

And may you be in heaven

half an hour before the devil knows you're dead.

Here's to a long life and a merry one.

A quick death and an easy one.

A pretty girl and an honest one.

A cold pint-- and another one!

[fugwumpy]

Here's to snatching kisses!

......and vice versa

[buster]

"To our wives and girlfriends... may they never meet."

Rick

[zuma]

I hope your chooks turn into emus and kick your dunny down.

Gotta remember that one...

[anacostiakat]

A day at the races. . .

To the beautiful ladies. . .

and to all the fine horses. . .

and to the men who mount them. . .

[FlyFishingDude]

Fishing and Hunting Toast

Here's to us and People that want to be like us.

Mike

[JMH]

I hope your chooks turn into emus and kick your dunny down.

Where the hell does that come from?

[sounddust]

Had a flashback:

"I have a pen, the pen is blue,

I have a friend, my friend is you."

- My best mate at age 7

[Jimmy2]

Osama Bin Laden, you son of a *****

may your balls develop a 7 year itch

may your pecker be twisted in such a manner

that your ******* whistles the Star Spangled Banner

May we live respected and die regretted

Here's to a sweetheart, a bottle, and a friend.

The first beautiful, the second full, the last ever faithful

Here's to the perfect girl,

I couldn't ask for more.

She's deaf 'n dumb, oversexed,

and owns a liquor store.

O Lord God divine

Who turned the water into wine

Please forgive we foolish men

We are going to turn it back again

[Warren]

Osama Bin Laden, you son of a *****

may your balls develop a 7 year itch

may your pecker be twisted in such a manner

that your ******* whistles the Star Spangled Banner

Jimmy that ones a keeper.

[FlyFishingDude]

Osama Bin Laden, you son of a *****

I've already porked your 72 virgins......

[Trevor2118]

This was a prelude to the best man's speech at my stepson's recent wedding.

He stood up, looked slowly around the room, and said "well, as I look around the room and see all the people here, I can tell that Rob & Vanessa were not at all fussy about who they invited"....it brought the house down.

[Habanos2000]

I've already porked your 72 virgins......

I hope the surprise he gets when he dies is not 72 virgins, but one 72 year old virgin.

[Shelby07]

I hope the surprise he gets when he dies is not 72 virgins, but one 72 year old virgin.

- and his name will be Sahid