St. Patrick's Day Humor

[joeypots]

What's Irish and sits out in the rain?

Pati O'furniture.

 

[TheFullMontecristo]

Q: Whats the difference between an Irish wedding, and an Irish funeral? A: There's one less drunk.
 

[garbandz]

two Irishmen walk into a bar.

you know the rest.......

[Drguano]

Paddy's missus was in the Rotunda Hospital, ready to give birth to their first child. When they arrived, the nurse asked, ‘How dilated is she, sir?’.

Paddy replied, ‘Delighted? She’s over the fu*king moon!’

[HuffnPuffff]

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[cigcars]

        *What do you call a fake Irish diamond?   A  Shamrock

        *Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland?   Because it was too far to walk

[Fuzz]

An Irishman is struggling to find a parking space.

"Lord," he prayed. "I can't stand this. If you open a space up for me, I swear I'll give up the Guinness and go to mass every Sunday."

Suddenly, the clouds part and the sun shines on an empty parking spot. Without hesitation, the Irishman says: "Never mind, I found one!"

 

Two Irishmen were working in the public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in.

After a while, one amazed onlooker said: "Why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?"

The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the lad who plants the trees called in sick."

 

A sobbing Ms Murphy approaches Father O'Grady after mass.

He says: "So what's bothering you?"

She replies: "Oh, Father, I've terrible news. My husband passed away last night."

The priest says: "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Did he have any last requests?"

"Certainly father," she replied. "He said: "Please Mary, put down that damn gun."