Jehovah's Wednesday funny

[OZCUBAN]

[ayepatz]

Ahhhh... Scotch & Wry with Rikki Fulton. A Hogmanay staple of my youth!

[MIKA27]

Good one mate!!

Haven't had one of those knock on my door in a long time...hope I havent jinxed myself

[RDBM]

Ahhhh... Scotch & Wry with Rikki Fulton. A Hogmanay staple of my youth!

Yes, Scotch and Wry was indeed an ever present in our house any New Year Patz, not the same now !

I notice you're a Gers fan, will you be watching the game against the Famous Edinburgh Hibees ?

John

[ayepatz]

If it's on down here (Surrey), I will indeed. Could be a pivotal fixture!

Sorry for the thread hijack OzCuban!

Let me make it up to you by combining Rikki Fulton and Rangers!

For those not in the know, my team, Rangers, had a historic policy of never signing Catholic players, which was finally broken during Graeme Souness' time as manager. This skit dates from well before that.

[cigcars]

I tried not to scream with laughter, yet I couldn't stop! Good one! Great one! If it weren't for the fact that I might NEED some bothersome door knockers some day if I was at the age of falling and couldn't get up - I would put a sign out in front of my house saying; "Attn: well meaning sincere dedicated religious types - no, I DON'T want to talk unending hours of religious dogma with you. Go some place else...and no I don't want your comic book..."

[Fuzz]

I used to keep pamphlets from Jehovah's Witness/Mormons/Hillsong etc next to my door. Whenever one would turn up and ask, "Have you found Jesus?", I ask them the same question and hand out a pamphlet.

It got really amusing when a gaggle of God botherers rocked up to canvas the street, and one of them was a former co-worker. She knew very well my views on religion and got the shock of her life when I started handing out JW pamphlets.

[Fosgate]

I found something that is well worth the $200 asking price to keep them from knocking.

http://www.amazon.com/Bronzed-Door-Knocker-Balls-Doorballs/dp/B00RCAPMLI

[Ken Gargett]

many years ago, a bunch of us drove down to melbourne for a end of year Ball. massive night. we all crawled in around 5 or 6 am (although one mate, who shall remain unknown but his name would be recognised by most anyone in sport or business in australia, did disgrace himself - amongst other things, he got up on stage and tongue kissed russell morris in the middle of a set and later was last seen absolutely flattening this girl he'd picked up - turns out she was not a girl at all and he'd just found that out, much later than he would have preferred, and he was not best pleased).

8am - seriously, new year's day? that alone should be proof of no god - knock on the door. a visit by the god squad, a jev's witness and her daughter.

now, we were all staying with mates in a house that two of them shared. it was owned by the mother of another mate and said mother was a senior QC.

i was far too hungover to suggest that our visitors move on but i had one of those brainwaves that you only get when near death.

yes, we'd love to chat but you'll have to first talk with the owner who is upstairs, first on the right. we knew the reception they'd get (perhaps a bit cruel but 8am on new year's day - i'd say they were fair game).

up they go. we all wait. nothing. for ten minutes absolutely nothing????

we can't understand it.

suddenly, the poor woman comes racing down stairs covering her poor daughter's ears.

turns out she'd woken our mate up and he was so badly hungover, he'd assumed it was his flatmate's mother, the QC, visiting. so for ten minutes he is as polite as he can be, trying not to throw up, trying to cover the nakedness. wondering why she brought some young girl. and why the hell she wants to talk about god.

suddenly it dawns. the poor woman must have needed therapy.

[Fugu]

Priceless, Ken! All my facial muscles hurt.

[cigcars]

Actually, you know I do try somewhat to keep in mind that these are people with feelings and they're bravely doing what they feel they religiously must - risking cussings out, door slams, being hard told off, etc. And I do fear The Lord, so I don't want to get in too much trouble mistreating what may be His own. But I do absolutely HATE that early Saturday morning knock on my door when I DON'T want to be disturbed. One of my uncles' techniques when they knock on his door is to tell them, "We're American Indian, we worship totem pole. My wife doesn't speak English and we'd appreciate it if you don't come here no more..." And he'd been pretty much left alone!

[Ken Gargett]

Actually, you know I do try somewhat to keep in mind that these are people with feelings and they're bravely doing what they feel they religiously must - risking cussings out, door slams, being hard told off, etc. And I do fear The Lord, so I don't want to get in too much trouble mistreating what may be His own. But I do absolutely HATE that early Saturday morning knock on my door when I DON'T want to be disturbed. One of my uncles' techniques when they knock on his door is to tell them, "We're American Indian, we worship totem pole. My wife doesn't speak English and we'd appreciate it if you don't come here no more..." And he'd been pretty much left alone!

the daily schedule is usually to get into jocks by about 8.30am. and then into clothes around 10am. it does tend to mean the unsolicited rarely return. especially if they are really early. most couriers know that pre 10, it will be jocks only. deliveries also have got later and later.