OZCUBAN Posted March 8, 2013 Share Posted March 8, 2013 When Insults Had Class These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words. The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband I'd poison your tea." He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it." A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress." "He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway). "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.." - Oscar Wilde "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second.. if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response. "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop "He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb "He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912) "He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx. ********** Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AussieCanuck Posted March 8, 2013 Share Posted March 8, 2013 Some great quotes there. Good to see Paul Keating on the list....I'm sure he had a few more that could be added. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Warren Posted March 8, 2013 Share Posted March 8, 2013 I'm going to have to start using some of those. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ophidion Posted March 8, 2013 Share Posted March 8, 2013 My favorite insult I use for particularly nasty customers is "I hope the rest of your day is as pleasant as you are." I use it a lot Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mazolaman Posted March 8, 2013 Share Posted March 8, 2013 "He was a very modest man, for he had much to be modest about."----Oscar Wilde. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginseng Posted March 8, 2013 Share Posted March 8, 2013 Perceptive, witty, supremely trenchant. Brilliant. These were elegant insults for a more civilized age. Wilkey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fuzz Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 I wouldn't call it a more civilized age, but definitely a more eloquent one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndrewNR Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 Superb. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cigcars Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 I'm going to have to start using some of those. *Ditto! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangolf18 Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker That's the best insult I've heard in quite a while. LMAO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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