How do you keep the fire burning

[cubanmule7]

Hey Guy's just curious, what do you do to keep the fire burning? And I don't mean cigars! The wifey keeps telling me that all her friends go out with their husbands AT LEAST once a week on "dates". I don't know about you but with 3 kids and losing 40 percent of our household income from pay cuts due to the events of 9/11/2001, It isn't that easy!!

What are some of the cheaper ways of keeping the fire burning? and I don't want to hear "Take her to Mc Donalds"!!

[LeafLover]

Downed income and trying to keep the romance alive. Sounds like a tough spot that many of us have been through.

Do a lot of laughing together.

[cubanmule7]

Oops. meant to post this on the watering hole, Maybe the moderator can have this moved. sorry

[samb]

There are supposed to be ways, but I too am lost... Between work, school, and the stress of money, its not as easy as it was.

[bolivr]

Where's Dr Phil when you need him? LOL.

Sounds simple but doing things together is one way to keep the communication going and help you stay on the same path. A significant one for me was when she said 'Let's learn Ball-room dancing' There was a stunned silence then... ok. let's do that.

It hasn't been that bad, the dancing I mean and only 20 bucks for the 2 of us each week, not eating too much into the cigar budget.

Find out what it may be for you two, good luck mate

[badaboom]

This involves a woman, so there is a more subtle message.

As a man, you seek a simple clean pragmatic solution - a specific number of dates per week.

But her subtle message is probably more that she feels feels generally disconnected/unsatisfied/unattractive.

Solution:

1. Start putting the bone back to her more often. It's free, and will solve all of her current issues.

2. Tell her to stop comparing your relationship to other couples. You will not stand for it.

3. Enjoy a Diplomaticos #4

[cgarner]

Send the kids to the grandparents and cook her a nice romantic dinner. Every girl I've ever dated got weak knees over a man that can cook.

You don't have to take your wife out on dates to pamper her.

[android]

Divorced 12 yrs and still playing the field...I'm not much help!

[asuavea1]

Send the kids to the grandparents and cook her a nice romantic dinner. Every girl I've ever dated got weak knees over a man that can cook.

You don't have to take your wife out on dates to pamper her.

From a married man I second this suggestion

[Mr. Japan]

Cook together....or you cook for her once a week. Kids go to bed early and then play a lot.

[cigcars]

*From the tidbits I've heard from couples who've been continuously, successfully married for over 40+ and 50+ years: Take a vacation AWAY from each other. Jessica Tandy, married to Hume Cronyn over 50 years said they both agreed at some point "I need to take a vacation from you for awhile," and then come back. Other decades long married people have had the same solution. Just a sharing of the 2 Cents!

[PigFish]

*From the tidbits I've heard from couples who've been continuously, successfully married for over 40+ and 50+ years: Take a vacation AWAY from each other. Jessica Tandy, married to Hume Cronyn over 50 years said they both agreed at some point "I need to take a vacation from you for awhile," and then come back. Other decades long married people have had the same solution. Just a sharing of the 2 Cents!

... off topic! Hume Cronyn, wow, you don't here his name mentioned, ever! Great actor and being a Hitchcock fan I see him pretty regularly. Like Peter Lorre, or Ward Bond... Elisha Cook, they just are there, and perfectly cast the movie; in Cronyn's case, I know that he did more than act. Now back to your regularly scheduled program.

We own horses. No one in there right mind would take my wife along with her animals. Regardless the problems, we are likely stuck with each other! I smoke cigars. Add that to being a far-right zealot who has no interest in young women beyond a passing lust which ends as soon as they speak, and you have a match made in heaven... or hell. Just call us co-dependent!!! -LOL

We do a lot together though, probably too much. We have the horses or the Harley and that keeps us busy. Date night! Neither of us like new movies. LP cooks better than any restaurant in town and short of the occasional trip to the Philharmonic we don't do that much outside of our hobbies. The biker bar, the seafood joint (also a biker hangout) or the public equestrian facility constitutes an outing for us. We sit on the coast a lot, or take the dog for trips and she will bring a "jug" and me a couple cigars. If you call that a date, well we do it pretty often. LP also likes a good herf now and again. Especially if the host/hostess serves champagne! -Piggy

[cubanmule7]

All good replies. Hope I didn't mislead but as far as I can tell, my marriage is not in jeapordy. The thing that got me thinking about this was that during a conversation a while ago she mentioned that all her friends go on dates with their husbands once a week.

They tell her that if they didn'd have that.....they'ed leave the bastard. REALLY? Is that all it takes?

I love going out with her when we can but sometimes it's not economically feasible and she gets it. I think her friends are either

a) stirring the pot to cause trouble. (like thats never happened)

clueless or

c)full of ****

[StumpyJoe]

For a successful relationship men and women need two different things. Men must feel that their partner respects them. Women must feel their partner loves them. Make her feel loved and she will always feel connected. It doesn't take much...just listen to her...she will give you hints.

My wife and I work different schedules so staying connected is very important. Once a month I send a card to her at her work and twice a year flowers (this shows her co-workers she is loved...women need this public display). She's told me she likes coming home to a made bed...I just like a bed...but I know in five minutes I can make the bed...and everyday she comes home to a made bed we've reconnected without me being there. I make dinner for her once a week...usually a grilled steak dinner...I get a steak and she feels loved. Once a woman feels loved then she's open for the physical side of things...do not ignore this...and don't forget the order of it as well. All my suggestions are pretty inexpensive.. but man do they payoff!

Just remember she wants to feel loved, and she wants the people around her to see she is loved, but it doesn't have to be expensive.

God Bless.

PS. Glad to hear things ain't bad.

[zammer217]

How old are your kiddos?

Breakfast in bed then lock the door.

Get a sitter for an hour or two and go out and park the car and watch the submarine races.

[habanohal]

17 yrs married. We got out twice a week. I get friday,saturday and she gets monday, tuesday......lol

[habone]

Just face it... its over!

[LeafLover]

Oh, one more thing.....if your date involves seeing a movie. Make it a chick flick. She'll feel much closer to you having shared that movie with you.

You won't get any points watching The Predators, The A-Team, or The Expendables. Trust me on this one. Not good.

[cigcars]

Oh, one more thing.....if your date involves seeing a movie. Make it a chick flick. She'll feel much closer to you having shared that movie with you.

You won't get any points watching The Predators, The A-Team, or The Expendables. Trust me on this one. Not good.

*That wouldn't apply to ME! I'd LIKE to see A-Team, Expendables, etc. I've personally never been able to stand those movies where you have to endure some cheap floosie who's only purpose is to get stuck to somebody's mouth and suck-slurp out of somebody's face before he & she know each others' names good, or who's some screaming, useless piece of meat known as "the lady-in-distress" who's only there to get in the way. Give me "Aliens," R. Downey, Jr.'s "Sherlock Holmes," "Gregory Peck's "Moby ****," or even Oberon's & Olivier's "Wuthering Heights." That and/or even those "Naked Gun," "Scary Movie 3, 4," goofy comedies, and my favorite - Kung Fu fighting films - yeah!

[sblevit]

Watch a little porn together? Sorry, I'm 40 and I've never been married and usually have at least two girlfriends.

[Rogers72]

1. Set aside one night per week for a date night. Keep it that same night and make it automatic...meaning nothing gets in the way of it.

2. Plan what you are going to cook and keep it cheap and simple. Some fun, cheap, and romantic things to cook are homemade pizza, chili, tacos, or fondue. Cook together.

3. Get the kids to bed as early as you can. If they are older, send them to friends or family's homes for a bit.

4. Keep the T.V. off. After dinner play board games and drink some cheap but good wine.

5. Before you get too tired, go to the bedroom. Take the wine with you. Both of you undress and give her a full body massage in bed with some oils.

[Montaigut]

...and drink some cheap but good wine.

Aaaaarghhhh! It may have worked until step 4 but cheap wine WILL NOT GET YOU TO STEP 5!!!!

[B.HOBS]

I have been in a relationship for 10 years, and i think the best thing is to always find ways to keep it fun and interesting. Mix it up, go to fun events, or something simple like a picnic, or even a long evening walk together.

Its really not about the money spent....well, in some cases it is... but its about the effort in which you put forward to show that you still care about her.

Good luck to you!

[Professor Twain]

I've been married for over 30 years. Happily. I will offer some suggestions. Note that my comments do NOT mean that I have done any of the following myself (plausible deniability).

1. She wants to feel desired by you, like you are still courting her, like she is the light of your life. It's not just about dates. You can have a special date at home.

2. Make it a habit to show her that you adore her. Buy her special gifts for no special occasion. Bring her flowers out of the blue. Surprise her with an offer to take her out to dinner, or cook for her, when you think she is tired and could use a break from cooking. Tell her she should put her feet up, you will put the kids to bed or do the dishes, or take out the trash.

3. She wants to know that you think she is a hot piece of ass. Grab her butt and kiss her and tell her how sexy she is, at odd times. Tell her how much you love it when she sleeps naked. Demand that she throw away all of her pajamas, tell her that sleeping naked with her is the hottest thing you can imagine. If you catch her changing clothes, stop whatever you are doing and stare at her and comment on how you can only think about one thing when you see her undressed.

4. When you lay the wood to her, leave her exhausted and completely satisfied.

5. Tell her how superior she is to all of the other women in your life. Miss no opportunity to tell her that her friends, movie stars, you name it, are horse faced, fat asses, annoying, etc.

6. Once you have done those basic things, come back for advanced instruction from The Professor.

[hojadepuro]

LOL...this thread got me laughing pretty quickly. Mainly because I have thought of some of the same things, and wished I thought of the others before it was too late. My wife and I don't have a lot of money, but she absolutely loves to just "hang out." We can sit out on the deck together while I smoke a cigar and just talk. She absolutely loves it when it is just the two of us, and no distractions!

As far as keeping the fire going...I have found that the things that really mean the most to my wife are the things that cost nothing. Unfortunately for me, those things are much more difficult. Doing the dishes, cleaning up, or going for a walk around the park. Just making her feel like she is the most important person in the world seems to be working so far! I feel there are a million different answers for any couple, and I will be learning many of these things the hard way over time. Great thread BTW!...

Brandon