Kens e-mail Auto Responder

[El Presidente]

As you know ken is away for a week fishing on fraser Island with a few mates.

I just wanted to post his current Auto responder which he uses for e-mail AND on his mobile message bank. He is a stickler for Auto responders....one of the longest I know.

His actual current one:

"hi,

i will be away until the evening of saturday august 8th. during that period, i am unlikely to be able to access emails, so there is every chance that anything sent during that period, as the box is likely to fill up, will not be received, so you may have to resend again post that date.

please do not assume i have received anything sent during that period unless i do respond.

also, please refrain from sending any large or unnecessary attachments.

you can leave messages on XXXXXXXXXXX3 but i will not get them until my return.

if urgent, try texting on XXXXXXXXX and it may get through at some stage.

best

kbg

Ken uses his auto responder even when he is away from the house for an hour.

This one may have been embellished...slightly

" hi,

I will be away for the next 45 minutes saturday august 8th between 10 am and 11am unless the useless clerk at Woolworths again states that I have put in the wrong pin number for my savings account which of course I haven't but simply an almighty conspiracy to separate me from my meagre financial resources. Let me say I will refuse this week to put the groceries back on the shelves no matter how many times the ignoramus manager (who must be 12) asks me to do so and I hope that the useless prepubescent has taken up the recommendation of mine to indulge in some of the acne creams his esteemed store peddles located next to the tampons. During that period, i am unlikely to be able to access emails, so there is every chance that anything sent during that period, as the box is likely to fill up, will not be received, so you may have to resend again post that date.

please do not assume i have received anything sent during that period unless i do respond which is highly unlikely even if I have received it unless it entails the highly unlikely scenario of generating income. Tax office or Lisa...do not hold your breath.

also, please refrain from sending any large or unnecessary attachments as I am yet not able to open them not due to technical incompetence but due to those arseholes at Telstra who have burdened me with an internet connection with all the speed of a dripping tap. I am onto you Mukesh from Mumbai. Your days at Telstra are numbered and you will be back taking pizza delivery calls for "Punjab Pizza" once I have returned from catching record Tailor and write my weekly scathing letter to your incompetent associates who continue to misrepresent themselves as superiors.

you can leave messages on XXXXXXXX3 but i will not get them until my return at which time I will not respond.

if urgent, try texting on XXXXXXXXXX8 and it may get through at some stage or not.

best

kbg

[tugboat]

"Punjab Pizza" Brilliant!!

[BradNC]

[Habanakane21]

As you know ken is away for a week fishing on fraser Island with a few mates.

I just wanted to post his current Auto responder which he uses for e-mail AND on his mobile message bank. He is a stickler for Auto responders....one of the longest I know.

His actual current one:

"hi,

i will be away until the evening of saturday august 8th. during that period, i am unlikely to be able to access emails, so there is every chance that anything sent during that period, as the box is likely to fill up, will not be received, so you may have to resend again post that date.

please do not assume i have received anything sent during that period unless i do respond.

also, please refrain from sending any large or unnecessary attachments.

you can leave messages on XXXXXXXXXXX3 but i will not get them until my return.

if urgent, try texting on XXXXXXXXX and it may get through at some stage.

best

kbg

Ken uses his auto responder even when he is away from the house for an hour.

This one may have been embellished...slightly

" hi,

I will be away for the next 45 minutes saturday august 8th between 10 am and 11am unless the useless clerk at Woolworths again states that I have put in the wrong pin number for my savings account which of course I haven't but simply an almighty conspiracy to separate me from my meagre financial resources. Let me say I will refuse this week to put the groceries back on the shelves no matter how many times the ignoramus manager (who must be 12) asks me to do so and I hope that the useless prepubescent has taken up the recommendation of mine to indulge in some of the acne creams his esteemed store peddles located next to the tampons. During that period, i am unlikely to be able to access emails, so there is every chance that anything sent during that period, as the box is likely to fill up, will not be received, so you may have to resend again post that date.

please do not assume i have received anything sent during that period unless i do respond which is highly unlikely even if I have received it unless it entails the highly unlikely scenario of generating income. Tax office or Lisa...do not hold your breath.

also, please refrain from sending any large or unnecessary attachments as I am yet not able to open them not due to technical incompetence but due to those arseholes at Telstra who have burdened me with an internet connection with all the speed of a dripping tap. I am onto you Mukesh from Mumbai. Your days at Telstra are numbered and you will be back taking pizza delivery calls for "Punjab Pizza" once I have returned from catching record Tailor and write my weekly scathing letter to your incompetent associates who continue to misrepresent themselves as superiors.

you can leave messages on XXXXXXXX3 but i will not get them until my return at which time I will not respond.

if urgent, try texting on XXXXXXXXXX8 and it may get through at some stage or not.

best

kbg

[jsd]

That's great. I thought Woolworths was a store my Grandmother shopped at in the 50s here in the states.

[First Lady]

Bloody Brilliant Rob one of your best

I so can't wait for Ken's Reply...... it will be all in lower case of cause

[shrink]

Sounds like Ken alright...

[dicko]

Both Ken's original and rob's impersonation are hilarious!!

[Kangaroo495]

The second one was definitely over-embellished. Way too much punctuation and capital letters.

[laficion]

Brilliant and just great for a Monday morning

[Ellery]

LOL

[sloth]

That's great. I thought Woolworths was a store my Grandmother shopped at in the 50s here in the states.

My town had one until it closed some 15 years ago.... bought a lot of cheap toys there.

[kjellfrick]

Haha, you have outdone yourself, Rob! Eagerly awaiting the scathing response...

[gammon]

Did not realize Ken was part owner to "Punjab Pizza".

We should take up a collection for a long loin cloth for his head wrap, works great in Hong Kong and Singapore standing at the front of the banks guarding his meager income.

.

.Has Ken really gone fishing, or is he in Mumbai or the state of Punjab to get ordained to be a Sikh Head for his followers in Oz.

His house is perfect for a temple as he does not hurt any livings things (spiders, cockaroos and the likes).

.......

[FlyFishingDude]

Now, that was classic, well done Rob.....