Cigars and a funeral

[MIKA27]

Hi all.

I been away from the forum a couple days now as my aunt passed away from pancreatic cancer late last week, we all knew it was coming.

After the service and Funeral, we headed back to our uncles home where there were loads of family and friends. Knowing there were many distraught family members attending, many of whom smoke, I really felt that this was a moment to bond, share stories of reflection and unite with a cigar.

I took a box Mag 48's and I was pleased that many wished to enjoy one, many have always wanted to try a cigar whilst others have had them over the years. For me, I felt really pleased that my offer was welcomed, we all relaxed (All men) and drank, smoked and reflected.

We were around 20 minutes into smoking these great cigars when a friend of my aunts (I never liked her) went ballistic and called us every name under the sun, because we were smoking a 'cigar' which she believes is disrespectful as cigars are only for 'Celebrations' not deaths.

How dare anyone tell us who have lost that we were doing the wrong thing!?

I obviously put my two cents in and made comment on the fact that we were indeed celebrating our aunts life. Death is not the end as long as we all remember. By talking, I can tell you we all felt so much better until this woman berated us.

So.... What do you all think?

Is having a cigar a bad thing when someone has passed away?

I don't believe it is, we were sombre, relaxed, sad, but united by our cigars, drink, tears and stories. For some reason however, I now feel like I did something wrong.

[Kangaroo495]

Sounds like she was just upset at the passing of your Aunt. I think her reaction was pretty normal.

Personally speaking, I understand the purpose of a cigar at a moment like this. However, others may misunderstand.

[bolivr]

Sorry to hear about your aunt Mika. Even when it is not a total surprise since she was so ill it still sucks.

Always a minefield emotionally these things. People are stressed and often over-react to the slightest thing. Personally I like the idea of a funeral being held to celebrate a life and give thanks for all that that person meant to us over the years. I can understand the relevance of a good cigar in this situation. Unfortunately nowadays people have such a narrow view of when a cigar is appropriate that it causes trouble now and then.

Remember this was just one person's (rather loud) opinion and you had plenty of others who jumped at the chance to light up along with you. I reckon you did right mate.

[FlyingFossil]

Well for starters my condolences to you and your family regarding the loss of a loved one.

Sometimes funerals are not the time when people think or react normal maybe she was not dealing with the loss very well and needed to lash out at something/someone.

As for smoking the cigar I'm not sure of the protocol of it, but if anything you were celebrating her life and the memories of a loved one

I'm sure that while you and your family were smoking you swaped stories/memories that brought smiles to all of you all

Cant say much more than that hope it helps in a very small way

[OZCUBAN]

Once again Michael

Lucinda and I send our Condolences ,IMO you did exactly the right thing ,but my idea of life and death are a bit different to some .

I personally would love someone to celebrate my life in such away ,but i am not holding my breath .

You were in the Majority camp,but a suppose you have to factor in religious beliefs as well ,also like Bolivr stated that people under stress react in non rational ways ,hey we are married we know all about that

You have done no wrong mate ,I would have said do you want to be next (just kidding diplomacy is my middle name )

I would take a leaf from the Irish and have a bloody good Piss up Cigars and all ,thats how would like to be remembered

All the best my friend love and best wishes to wendy and the kids at this difficult time

Stephen and Lucinda

[laficion]

All my condolences to your family .

For my part, I can understand with the stress and all, why she reacted in that manner

but I don't think that you should feel guilty about what you did plus, it seems that she

was the only one who was upset. I'm sure that everyone else was in the same state

of mind and that all you were doing was celebrating her memory.

[Professor Twain]

So sorry for your loss, and for the upset...

Although people have different opinions about matters such as funerals, and wakes, the wishes of the family should be respected. Any "friend" who raises objections to the plans for the funeral and related circumstances is behaving like an ass. Did she also object to the eating of desserts, or presence of alcohol?

I have experienced two deaths in family members over the past several years. In both cases, as is the custom in families with Irish American backgrounds, a wake was held. The wake was a joyful celebration of the lives of these family members, the night before the funeral. It was filled with music, great food, libations, and of course great cigars. The wake was a time to tell great stories about the deceased, the stories that keep people alive in the minds of their families and friends even after they have passed.

While I didn't attend the graveside service for Chuck (Tampa), I know from those who did that there was a thick cloud of cigar smoke at his service, and that family members later commented on how fitting this was, as a salute to Chuck (along with the 21 gun salute he received as military honors).

Live and let live...

[JMH]

Sorry to hear about your aunt passing away. I really like the idea of a bunch of family members & friends sitting around having a cigar and a few drinks while sharing their best memories of her. The friend was wrong to have a go at you guys, but it is understandable given the grief that she would also be going through. I think a wake should be a great party to celebrate the persons life, not a somber event where everyone sits around all depressed.

[PADDYWHACK121272]

Sorry for your loss, don't think you did anything wrong, no different to having a drink after a funeral IMHO.

[Havanaaddict]

Sorry for your loss!!! For me I just loss a good friend last month and I spent some time alone in my lounge and smoked one of the best cigars I had. This was my way to reflect on his life and salute my good cigar buddy!!!

[partagasd4]

I'm sorry for your loss. I can understand the friend's position. Smoking cigars is generally viewed as a celebration or reward. However, they are also good to spend some time thinking and reflecting. I think you did nothing wrong, and your aunt's friend reacted extra emotionally because of the circumstances. Everybody has the right to mourn in their own way, and if you want to reflect with a cigar, you should be allowed to.

[Mr. Japan]

Sorry for your loss, my deepest condolences.

I lost my father last April and the evening in my house , alone, I smoked a double corona, going back for 2 hours on memories.

Smoking a cigar is good when ever you need it . My 2 cents.

[Nino]

Mika,

my condolences to you and your family.

I lost my mother this March and I smoked a cigar reflecting on her life, celebrating her and the love she gave and never regretted a second.

Nino

[LeafLover]

Cigars are for all occasions IMO.

Sorry for your loss, and it's unfortunate that you aunt would react to you on that sad day. Everyone has the right to grieve the way they want.

[MIKA27]

Thanks for all the posts gents.

Having read through all your well wishes and replies, I must say, I feel a whole lot better as I knew I would.

As stated in my earlier post, I too feel that wakes should be happy where one reflects on the person who has just passed. Sharing a cigar with friends and family was but a gesture of good will so that we could all enjoy each others company, stories and memories.

On reflection, I have no regrets as I know everyone else appreciated it.

Thanks to you all, very much appreciated. This is a great example of what makes this forum so great.

[Fuzz]

Firstly, my deepest condelences to you and your family for your loss.

With my family, funerals have always been a time of both sadness and happiness. Our wakes tend to be a raucous affair as we celebrate the life of our departed and also a makeshift reunion for family we haven't seen in ages.

Personally, when I check out, I'm going have several cabinets set out for all to enjoy. And hopefully, I'll be able to pull one final prank on all who attend.

[jay8354]

Hi Mika,

Firstly, my sincere condolences

On the subject of the having a cigar at a wake - I personally, IMHO, think that while the friend is emotional and sensitive, she had no right to quesion family members way of remembering the passing of their own.

I agree with others that funerals, while sad, is about rememberance. How you do that is up to the individual.

[dicko]

Condolences for you and your family. Too bad about your aunty's friend having a go but as others have said she might have been stressed. I must say thats one of the worst things about deaths, heaps of people suddenly come out of the woodwork who may or may not be a good addition to the event...

I believe a cigar is a great way to reflect on your memories of someone past, a really classy touch handing out the cigars mate!

[shrink]

You should have flipped the lit cigar at her and said, "Bugger Off!"

[MIKA27]

You should have flipped the lit cigar at her and said, "Bugger Off!"

That would have been half a Mag 48, what a waste!

[Nino]

That would have been half a Mag 48, what a waste!

LOL - Michael, Good to see the thread helped and your humour is back

[Onsto]

You should have flipped the lit cigar at her and said, "Bugger Off!"

Going by the name, I'm going to guess you are a Psychiatrist? If that's the kind of feedback and recommendations you offer, I need to sign up for a course of therapy. Please find some room for me in your schedule