El Presidente Posted March 11, 2010 Share Posted March 11, 2010 The Ken presidency is in turmoil at its second anniversary. The people are anxious about the lack of progress, the government has no money to enact real progress, the embargo continues. The political and press freedoms enacted by President ken are coming home to roost. Protest street marches are the norm, death threats common place, the military to which has been supportive to date is wavering. In this atmosphere has risen a Cuban opposition leader of the ABK party (Anyone But ken). Her name is Barbara Menendez. Rumoured to have once gone out with ken but spurned. A promised but undelivered fridge may have been involved. After a hellish three months Maximus ties to lighten the mood by arranging midnight drinks for the Cabinet at the Gato Tuerto night club. Maximus: “Elvis...what time is it?” Elvis : “12:15....bottle of Santiago?” Maximus: “Cheers mate. Six glasses. Put it on my tab” Elvis (mumbling) : “the worst ******* deal I have ever done in my life” Smithy, Hamlet and Jose walk in Maximus: “ Smithy, Did you have to wear that?” Smithy : “What?” Maximus : “ The “I HATE KEN TOO” T Shirt. Smithy: “Dude...you said to be one with the people, blend in” Maximus: “ et tu Hamlet” Hamlet: “ Que?” Maximus “Barbara Menendez is Hot?” Hamlet “My “BRING BACK FIDEL” T Shirt is in the washing” Maximus “ Jose...take off your sunglasses and fake moustache” Jose “Maximus...I am growing it to raise funds for MOVEMBER” Maximus “ Its June” Gentlemen, before ken, Lisa and Yaima get here we have serious problem. You have all dropped the ball and albeit ken is not the sharpest tool in the shed, he needs our support if we are ever going to beat Menendez at the upcoming election. Pull your fingers out, turn your t shirts inside out and lets boost his ego tonight. We need him at the top of his game and not the quibbling mess he is now. Jose: “Can I keep the Sunglasses on?” Maximus: “NO!” Lise walks in to the Gato Tuerto with Yaima Hamlet: “Who is the buffed black guy with Lisa?” Smithy: “ It is her body guard. Rumour is he stays very very close .” Maximus: “ I just love watching Yaima walk” Lise: “ Gentlemen. Where is President Doofus?” Hamlet: “Has husband Frank been in the sun?” Lise: “Hammy...I love you like a brother but if you mention it again I will stick a custom Salomones where the sun doesn’t shine” Jose: “Hermana you look more beautiful than usual” Lise : “Give me a hug you beautiful man” Maximus : “Yaima give me a hug too” Hamlet : “Can we stop this ***************** Lovein! I have a wife and 12 girlfriends I could have brought! Where is the idiota Presidente?” Yaima: “ Why is the pot plant in the corner moving?” Elvis (leaning across the bar): “Presidente Ken has been hiding in the pot plant since 11am. Maximus: “for **** sake Ken come out here!” Ken: “ Evening all. Doing some reconnaissance listening to the locals. Hamlet is “le voy a matar” good? Hamlet: “ No...it means they are going to kill you” Ken: “Yes...the body language gave it away...all that reaching to the throat and choking motion” Jose: “Ken, we are here to help. We have some ideas on how to revitalise the Presidency” Hamlet: “We need to turn you from a man of Jell-o to a man of action” Smithy;” We need to buy Barbara Menendez the fridge you promised a decade ago. If she slept with you...it is the least we can do” Lise: “Enough. Ken I had a look at today’s poll figures and your approval rating is 10% below that of Menendez” Ken: “ Is it above Obama’s” Lise: “Yes” Ken: “Woooohoo! Maximus: “You idiot, forget about Obama. Focus on Menendez” Ken: “ I have given it all a lot of thought and I have a plan!” Silence Ken: “No Seriously” Maximus: “ OK mate....... Let us hear it” Ken: “ WE BUILD A COLLASSEUM! Games for the people! Baseball, gridiron, soccer, rugby! Bring those magnificent Queensland reds!” Jose: “You watched Ben Hur on cable last night...didn’t you?” Smithy “ I heard Menendez pays her campaign staff well” Maximus “Please people, some intelligent input” Hamlet: “We could start a war. Given our state of finances and preparation we could seriously bruise Haiti” Ken: “ I am just not that comfortable with all those guns and bullet thingees” Lise: “ We don’t need a war to deflect attention you morons. What we have here is a woman scorned by a cheap arse. She is the patron saint of any Cuban woman scorned before and the pin up girl for every Cuban man who’s loins still stir. Ken I have arranged a secret dinner at Lilliams for Wednesday night between you and Barbara Menendez. Shmooze her, use your invisible charms which attracted her in the first place” Ken: “ What will I Say?” Smithy “Maytag or Miele?” Ken: “ I NEVER PROMISED HER A FRIDGE!!! That is a rumour started by Maximus!” Maximus: “He did” Yaima: “It matters not Presidente. She seeks you to look her in the eyes and to say “I’m sorry”. Express your regrets...of time lost...make her feel special. Make her an ally and a supporter.” Hamlet: “ And wear long pants” Jose: ”and underwear” Ken: “Great men take great risks. This is one of those times where I will lay my body on the line for the good of the country. I want to make it clear that what I am about to do I do not for personal gain...but for Cuba” Hamlet: “I must be one hell of a Cuban patriot” Ken: “ Raise your glasses ladies and gentlemen!........CUBA LIBRE!!!!!” Elvis “ Coming up” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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