Ken Gargett Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 even i had the good taste to remove a few of the more over the top ones. and lisa, remember, i am just the messenger (and you started it). 1 How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry It! 2 What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A battery has a positive side. 3 What are the three fastest means of communication? 1) Television 2) Telephone 3) Telawoman 4 How are fat girls and mopeds alike? They're both fun to ride until your friends find out. 5 What should you give a woman who has everything? A man to show her how to work it. 6 Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist? Because you could easily fit another pair of **** in there. 7 How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good? Put a nipple on it. 8 Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up? Because they don't have balls to scratch. 10 Why do women fake orgasms ? Because they think men care. 12 If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong? Made her chain too long 13 How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened when she brings it. 14 Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. 15 Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. 16 How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...' 17 How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven. 18 Why do men pass gas more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure. 19 If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course.. He'll shut up once you let him in. 20 What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman who won't do what she's told 21 I married a Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. 22 Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.. It's called a Wedding Cake. 23 Why do men die before their wives? They want to. 24 Women will never be equal to men.. Until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canucks6024 Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 oh boy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Presidente Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 Thanks Ken. Lise was quite upset with me Friday afternoon. Will text her to check this thread Monday first up when she gets in. By the time I arrive....she will have forgotten all about me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kilroy Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 A guy comes home from work, eats the dinner his wife has ready for him and goes to sit in his recliner. 'Whats on the TV tonight dear?' says the wife. The husband replies, 'Dust!'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlyFishingDude Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 Let me dig out my asbestos suit, this is going to be good.......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laficion Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 Here are some citation and quotes from French film Actor, Director, Screenwriter & playwright, Sacha Guitry. "If women are so good, why doesn't God have one ?" "The best revenge you can have on the person who takes your wife away is to let him keep her. " "Succes is when you can earn more money then your wife can spend" "Some men deserve what they get, the others are bachelors" "My wife and I lived happily for almost 25 years, then we met" "Even the most respectable woman has a complete set of clothes in her wardrobe ready for a possible abduction." "I would gladly admit women are superior to men if only they would stop trying to be the same as us." "The secret of a good marriage is forgiving your partner for marrying you in the first place. " "A man must marry only a very pretty woman in case he should ever want some other man to take her off his hands." "Finding out that my wife is cheating on me is not what bothers me the most, what does bother me, however, is that fact that the other person knows, now, with what I have been contenting myself." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jquest63 Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 LOL! The Battle of the Sexes rages on. Is there a tennis match on the horizon? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
matt14 Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 Proof that Men Have Better Friends... Friendship among Women: A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it. Friendship among Men: A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rckymtn22 Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 Oh this should be good! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CigarmanTim Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 Lise was quite upset with me Friday afternoon. Be careful of her Rob. I'd hate to see her lay you off from work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colt45 Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 I really don't want to become involved in one of KG's sinister plots, but......... a woman is like a deck of cards - you need a heart to love her, a diamond to marry her, a club to dispatch her with, and a spade to bury the evidence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ken Gargett Posted October 3, 2009 Author Share Posted October 3, 2009 i have a good mate who will always claim he has been very happily married for more than 30 years. then adds, 'unfortunately, his wife hasn't'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colt45 Posted October 4, 2009 Share Posted October 4, 2009 i have a good mate who will always claim he has been very happily married for more than 30 years. then adds, 'unfortunately, his wife hasn't'. Sometimes, the messenger needs to made example of........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
samb Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 Why couldnt helen keller drive?? She was a woman. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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