telstra call centres - another pricelss moment

[Ken Gargett]

Regular readers will be all too aware that I consider that the spawn of bin laden and hitler would be too principled to work for telstra, better known as two tin cans and a string, even if they can’t get them to work either.

Often, in the many dozen calls I have enjoyed with the imbecilic jellybrains they call staff, I have been told how they intend increasing their staff. They never mentioned improving competency levels but I think I met one of the new guys.

Usual call where you are told that two cans are experiencing above average calls so please call back or wait if you must – you get that anytime you ring (I mean anytime, day or night – it is their automatic response – I know this because in the many dozens of times I have had to call at all hours, that is the response), which means that they greet their beloved customers with dishonesty, every single time (the sooner that carpetbagger, sol t, and his slavering dolts crawl back into the swamp from which they oozed the better). You wait, sometimes no time at all (lucky I guess or could that automatic response have been left on accidentally for the last year or two) or for god knows how long (continents drift quicker than two tins can move).

Then on comes someone from the very depths of the Bombay backblocks. I have no problem with anyone who can’t speak english or who obtains gainful employment. I also think india is one of the great travel destinations. What I do have a massive problem with is some imbecilic company employing people who have two words of English to deal with our problems and then paying them with the money they overcharge us. And then they fail to solve the problems.

So here we went. I swear this is true.

Hello, I’m so-and-so. What is your name?

Ken.

Hello, Helen, what can I do for you?

No, Ken.

Sorry?

My name is Ken.

Yes, Helen, what can I do for you?

No, Ken!!!!

What?

It’s Ken, its bloody Ken (that helped, of course).

Helen, what is the problem?

(Too easy)

This then went on a few more times. I was getting a touch miffed.

Does Ken sound like Helen? (Then I might have added a few little observations and suggestions that no doubt were also not fully comprehended).

I’m sorry Helen, how can I help you?

Does this voice sound like it comes from a Helen?

I am sorry, I do not understand, Helen. What can I do for you?

Its Ken, my name is Ken.

Your name is not Helen.

No, it’s Ken.

So how can I help you, Helen?

I conceded.

All right. It’s Helen. Now put me through to so-and-so.

Thank you Helen, putting you through now.

And of course, I went through to someone completely irrelevant who had no idea how to assist (but only after I sat waiting because, surprise, surprise, there were an above average number of calls).

I sincerely hope that sol t discovers worms eating his testicles and whatever is the most painful disease on this planet, sol, it is not painful enough for you for my liking.

[shrink]

Really sorry to hear of your troubles, Helen.

What concerns me is that Telstra isn't just incompetent, they are reputedly malicious. I believe that one of their service representatives was intercepted talking to a supervisor about you. As best I could determine, they were soliciting someone to 'take you down' (whatever that means), by putting something toxic into one of the wines that you'll be sampling. This sounds suspiciously like the Mafia and Castro...

[Digi]

I'm not sure if this will help with Telestra, but it is quite fun to watch.

[greenpimp]

Very old people often are convinced my name is "Mack." Which I don't think is even a real name, except for in the movies from the 40's, and then only if the taxicab driver wants to talk to you (EG where to Mack...) And I say things like, no it's Matt, and they say Mack? and I say NO MATT and I lean in real close for effect and volume, and they always say the same thing, OK MACK, and then talk about the weather or their latest surgery or something.

Wierd. You and I have a lot in common, Helen.

[El Presidente]

Interesting Ken.

Associative theory provides a powerful account of causal and predictive learning. I am not into sterotyping but let's take your Call centre curry muncher mate...lets call him Ghandi. Ghandi was likely having a pretty tough day at the cubicle and immediately associated your incessant...endless, whining and whinging for an ex wife called Helen who was a third rate English actress he met on a 4th rate Bollywood Spectactular being filmed in Calcutta. On the movie... Ghandi played extra no 2,573,545.

Hearing your ear piercing shrills down the phone line immediately took him back to those days of marital hell.

[shrink]

Very old people often are convinced my name is "Mack."

Are you sure that your name isn't "Mack"? Or perhaps "Mac", which is a familiar term for Scottish surnames beginning with "Mc". Or, as in the colloquial "Mac and cheese"? Why, you might even be descended from one of the Maccabees...

No? Well, then perhaps you should change your name, or at least your middle name, to "Mack". Then, when "old people" (who won't seem quite so old to you in just a few years), call you "Mack", you can smile and reply, "Mack? Yeah, that's me!"

So, what stogie didya smoke today, Mack?

[anacostiakat]

» Very old people often are convinced my name is "Mack."

»

» Are you sure that your name isn't "Mack"? Or perhaps "Mac", which

» is a familiar term for Scottish surnames beginning with "Mc". Or, as in

» the colloquial "Mac and cheese"? Why, you might even be descended from one

» of the Maccabees...

»

» No? Well, then perhaps you should change your name, or at least your

» middle name, to "Mack". Then, when "old people" (who won't seem quite so

» old to you in just a few years), call you "Mack", you can smile and reply,

» "Mack? Yeah, that's me!"

»

» So, what stogie didya smoke today, Mack?

I had a friend named Mack in my youth. No it was not in the 40s.

It was his real name. :-D

[greenpimp]

Shrink, I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but you too are very old.

Your insistence on calling me Mack and your previously exhibited pictures have proven this. As well as your obstinant behavior and the constant smoking of cigars.