FOH Comedy Club: Weekend Funny Comp

[hedgeybaby]

Sorry this isn't a joke exactly but a funny meme.

[cigcars]

"Holy smokes, Gorn - we're in the wrong TV show!"

"TV show? I'm still going to get you to switch to GEICO!"

[BeerPimp]

This is combination Chemistry and Dad Joke.

"What do you call a smart beaker?   A graduated cylinder!"

[BeerPimp]

There was a safety meeting at work today.   They asked me, "What steps would you take in the event of a Fire?" "Really big ones" was the wrong answer.

[Drguano]

From the New Yorker:

Is this true?

[Drguano]

This is one of the worst...

[bmf30180]

A late entry, but...

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000.00. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would not have to testify in court.

When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language. The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is!”

The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, "Where's the money?" 

Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."

The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are talking about". The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him again or I'll kill him!"

The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him." Guido trembles and signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house. 

The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?" 

The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."