new year terrorists

[Ken Gargett]

just in case there was any nationality that i missed offending this year, thought i'd pass on this little warning a friend sent. the mere fact that the author didn't feel the need to even mention the seal bashers probably best sums up our canadian friends.

happy new year.

The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent bombings, so the security level has just been raised from "Miffed" to "Peeved". Soon though, the levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross ". Londoners haven't been a "Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorised from "Tiresome" to "A bloody nuisance"; the last time a "Bloody nuisance" warning level was issued was during the great fire in 1666.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate". The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing their military capability.

It's not only the French that are on a heightened level of alert, the Italians have increased their alert level from "Shout loudly and

excitedly" to "Elaborate military posturing". Two more levels remain, "Ineffective combat operations" and "Change sides".

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful arrogance" to "Dress in uniform and sing marching songs". They have two higher levels, "Invade a neighbour" and "Lose".

Seeing this reaction in continental Europe the Americans have gone from "Isolationism" to "Find another oil-rich Nation in the Middle East ripe for regime change". Their remaining higher alert states are "Attack the world" and "Beg the British for help".

Finally then there are the Australian security levels:

1. Normal: "Piss off, I'm watching the footy";

2. Elevated: "No overseas sporting teams are touring Australia, there must be something going on out there"

3. Alarmed: "What? Did someone say there's a fight on?"

And the highest Aussie level of security Alert:

4. "I don't give a **** what it's about - if the Yanks are in, then we're not going to miss out!"........

The Kiwis are still too busy chasing their sheep to notice anything's amiss.

[josie67]

» just in case there was any nationality that i missed offending this year,

» thought i'd pass on this little warning a friend sent. the mere fact that

» the author didn't feel the need to even mention the seal bashers probably

» best sums up our canadian friends.

» happy new year.

»

»

» The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent bombings, so the

» security level has just been raised from "Miffed" to "Peeved". Soon

» though, the levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit

» Cross ". Londoners haven't been a "Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940

» when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorised

» from "Tiresome" to "A bloody nuisance"; the last time a "Bloody nuisance"

» warning level was issued was during the great fire in 1666.

» The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror

» alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are

» "Surrender" and "Collaborate". The rise was precipitated by a recent fire

» that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing their

» military capability.

» It's not only the French that are on a heightened level of alert, the

» Italians have increased their alert level from "Shout loudly and

» excitedly" to "Elaborate military posturing". Two more levels remain,

» "Ineffective combat operations" and "Change sides".

» The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful arrogance"

» to "Dress in uniform and sing marching songs". They have two higher

» levels, "Invade a neighbour" and "Lose".

» Seeing this reaction in continental Europe the Americans have gone from

» "Isolationism" to "Find another oil-rich Nation in the Middle East ripe

» for regime change". Their remaining higher alert states are "Attack the

» world" and "Beg the British for help".

» Finally then there are the Australian security levels:

» 1. Normal: "Piss off, I'm watching the footy";

» 2. Elevated: "No overseas sporting teams are touring Australia, there must

» be something going on out there"

» 3. Alarmed: "What? Did someone say there's a fight on?"

» And the highest Aussie level of security Alert:

» 4. "I don't give a **** what it's about - if the Yanks are in, then we're

» not going to miss out!"........

» The Kiwis are still too busy chasing their sheep to notice anything's

» amiss.

LOL Ken!! That was funny, but the funniest was "Dress in uniform and sing marching songs". I was laughing so hard that I started getting tears!

[dragon]

You are one sick pup Ken. :lol2:

There was one inaccuracy though......."Beg the British for help" should be revised to "Bribe and threaten the British for help"

[rlee_fof]

:rotfl:

[twoodruff]

good stuff

[cobra]

Garrett's new World Alert Status is something that may show up on the likes of Jon Stewarts Daily Show or a Letterman top ten. Actually Ken you should get that in legitimate (no offense to FOH) print before it starts showing up on international airport postings....or t-shirts. Is Rob paying you enough?

[Wiley]

AWESOME!

[Ken Gargett]

just to clarify, it did come from a friend - not something i personally did but i liked it so much that i thought i would share.

[El Presidente]

I pay him a fortune

[Loki]

Killer Ken.

Looking forward to tipping a pint with ya in NYC.

[Ken Gargett]

» Killer Ken.

» Looking forward to tipping a pint with ya in NYC.

about ny, i would dearly love to be joining everyone but i think that i am a highly unlikely starter. i have some work commitments that would mean if i could tie in flights, i'd catch the guys for about two hours before we head out. a great shame. (i blame it on wasting all this time doing stuff for rob, purely for the love of it). trying to convince him on a further visit incorporating a few cities later in the year.

[Loki]

Too Bad Ken. Maybe they'll lift the embargo, one day soon and we'll enjoy the Habanos Fest.

[shrink]

What about the bloody Japanese? Don't you have anything to offend them, too? :-)

[Ken Gargett]

» What about the bloody Japanese? Don't you have anything to offend them,

» too? :-)

i had to save some for '06!

[Ginseng]

» What about the bloody Japanese? Don't you have anything to offend them,

» too? :-)

I would ask the same for the Chinese but they (my countrymen) seem to have a limited sense of humor in regards to this kind of stuff.

Wilkey

[kab55]