Brewer Blasts Beer Censors With 'Sorry Not Sorry' Letter

[CaptainQuintero]

There are contrite and carefully-measured responses crafted by brands in the face of public relations problems. And then there's the press release issued Monday by BrewDog.

The 6 year-old Scottish brewer on Monday wrote a blistering NSFW response after Portman Group, a UK alcohol industry standards group, rejected BrewDog's Dead Pony Club ale on the grounds that the packaging encouraged antisocial behavior and binge drinking.

BrewDog's reply, posted on its blog under the class hashtag #sorrynotsorry, is priceless:

On behalf of BrewDog PLC and its 14,691 individual shareholders, I would like to issue a formal apology to the Portman Group for not giving a **** about today’s ruling. Indeed, we are sorry for never giving a **** about anything the Portman Group has to say, and treating all of its statements with callous indifference and nonchalance.

Unfortunately, the Portman Group is a gloomy gaggle of killjoy jobsworths, funded by navel-gazing international drinks giants. Their raison d’être is to provide a diversion for the true evils of this industry, perpetrated by the gigantic faceless brands that pay their wages. Blinkered by this soulless mission, they treat beer drinkers like brain dead zombies and vilify creativity and competition. Therefore, we have never given a second thought to any of the grubby newspeak they disseminate periodically.

While the Portman Group lives out its days deliberating whether a joke on a bottle of beer is responsible or irresponsible use of humour, at BrewDog we will just get on with brewing awesome beer and treating our customers like adults. I’m sure that makes Henry Ashworth cry a salty tear into his shatterproof tankard of Directors as he tries to enforce his futile and toothless little marketing code, but we couldn’t give a **** about that, either.

The Portman Group took objection to the phrase "rip it up down empty streets"? Mr Portman, you seem to like taking things literally. Can you please explain how something can be ‘anti-social’ if the streets are empty? Anti-social is defined as ‘contrary to the laws and customs of society, in a way that causes annoyance and disapproval in others.’ If the streets are empty, there are no ‘others’ to annoy.

As for not agreeing with "we believe faster is better", well I think the archaic existence of the Portman Group proves just how bad "slow" can really be. Maybe they should try and catch up with the rest of the world instead of insulting the intelligence of consumers with such a thin veneer of impartiality. It is an embarrassing condemnation of the mega brewers who provide their funding, the same mega brewers whose pricing reaps havoc on society.

Mr Portman, we'd be appreciative if you could now kindly save some trees and stop sending us meaningless letters.

We sincerely hope that the sarcasm of this message fits the Portman Group criteria of responsible use of humour.

[mncz]

This is blooming brilliant.

[DrunkenMonkey]

Perfect. Now to find these beers...

[stargazer14]

Very well done.

This reminds me of the time my former employer agreed to have "Toy-for Tot's", a charity organization that collects gifts for children, place boxes in the lobby of the building for employees to drop toys in.

However, someone in the law department or other lofty office found the fact the boxes had a one dimensional, monochrome pine tree on them to possibly be 'offensive to the non-Christmas celebrating staff'

and asked me to cover the pine trees with Duct tape.

Seriously? Who is offended by a pine tree? It didnt even have balls on it (nor did the higher's up).

Offense was taken however by those who thought the whole idea of covering a tree was supposed to save someones reglious integrity and possibly save the company from a lawsuit.

I made it clear in writing that that the symbol of the tree was just a decoration, not a statement of oppression for 'non-believers', and that the PC police had gone too far on this one, that those celebrating Christmas

(of which I guess this tree represented) were not oppressed by those celebrating Hanukkah or Kwanzaa

or whatever in any fashion and in fact, it is a joy to see cultures in celebration, if you believe or not.

I'm sure we all have examples of some guy in an office trying to save us all.

And if I have offended anyone by mentioning 'pine tree', I am not really sorry.

[cottierm]

Priceless!

[SaintLuis]

That's awesome.

[Stogiedude3]

Where's that beer?

[Joker]

Fantastic response

Refreshing to see in current world of mindless, bureaucratic bull****!!

[AndrewNR]

Top shelf material that is

[MattW]

Fantastic read!

[Habana Mike]

+1 to Brewdog #screwportman

[LLC]

Classic.

[olotti]

I figured it was Brew Dog before I opened the thread. After watching their show on Esquire channel these guys really are great, in for the love of beer, guys and just don't care who they piss off. They make some amazing stuff, I'll never taste any in the US but they do it for the reasons, they love beer and they love making beer and I love they opened up the shares of their company to the public. Check out their website and it gives a great breakdown of the guys and their history. Way to go guys.

[straizor]

bloody brilliant