we are all dutch today!

[Ken Gargett]

frankly, i think 20-20 cricket is an appalling convoluted absurdity that is evidence of the terminal state of western civilisation - and i will confess to a tiny amount of pleasure when we lose (not that i ever watch it) but after last night, congrats the netherlands.

we are all dutch today!

England humiliated by the Netherlands in World Twenty20

• 'Embarrassing' and 'unacceptable', says Ashley Giles
• Netherlands 133-5; England 88 (Netherlands win by 45 runs)
• Repeat of 2009 embarrassment at Lord's

• theguardian.com, Tuesday 1 April 2014 01.06 AEST

The England captain Stuart Broad walks back to the pavilion after his dismissal for four. Photograph: Prakash Singh/AFP/Getty Images

The Netherlands, as they ususally do, beat England in a T20 contest. Five years ago there was the last-ball thriller at Lord's, which launched that WorldTwenty20 tournament. This time it was not even close. England were outplayed in all three departments and defeated by 45 runs, a huge margin in this form of the game.

Unlike their opponents, the Dutch bowled tightly, caught everything and made something of Stuart Broad's mistaken decision to put them in to bat by scrambling 133 runs, the highest score on a strange, compelling day at the Chittagong Stadium. The Dutch looked the professionals out there, especially once England were bowled out for a paltry 88.

For England this caps a dismal winter in which they have lost their coach, at least two of their best players and their credibility. The match had no bearing on their prospects of proceeding in this tournament – the defeat against South Africa had already seen to that – but the outcome will not do the prospects of Ashley Giles much good when he shuffles uncomfortably in his chair at his job interview in a couple of weeks' time. He will try to avoid the cliché: "You are only as good as your last game."

Afterwards Giles, grim and gritting his teeth, in stark contrast to his smiling demeanour of the previous day, searched for acceptable words to describe England's horror show. He settled on "complacent", "embarrassing" and "unacceptable". He

was also "angry", adding that "the players should be angry as well. Representing England should mean everything to the team. It hasn't today."

He remembered to give credit to the opponents: "The Dutch played with pride and passion." And it was absolutely clear that Giles did not think his own team had done the same. "I said yesterday there would be the odd blip. Well, blips don't get much bigger than this."

The Netherlands players celebrate their victory. Photograph: A.M. Ahad/AP

The Dutch captain, Peter Borren, who played in that victory over England five years ago, can depart a happy man. He adroitly marshalled his men, who had only to stick to the basics to prevail. "There was not quite the same jubilation as the last time," he said. "Chittagong has been fantastic but it's not Lord's. But this win was more satisfying." The satisfaction came from the fact that England had been thoroughly outplayed and thrashed. The Dutch after their debacle against Sri Lanka have done the Associates proud.

Borren's position as captain must be secure now – except that the Dutch currently have no fixtures this summer now they are no longer invited to play against the counties in limited-over cricket. But what of Stuart Broad and Giles? How much does this three-hour debacle change things?

Broad's situation is not so pressing. Captaining the T20 side is an odd task. He will probably be in rehab when England play their next match in this format and, with the current schedules, captaining the team in T20 is only really significant when the World Cup comes round. It would be remarkable if Broad led the side a third time in a World T20 tournament when England's experiences in the last two have been so mediocre. The priority is to get him properly fit again.

Giles will take much more flak. He might also take some solace from what happened when England last had a caretaker in charge. In Jamaica in 2009 the Test team were bowled out for 51 and lost spectacularly to West Indies. It was generally accepted that the way the stop-gap coach, Andy Flower, reacted to that humiliation earned him the job on a permanent basis.

Unfortunately for Giles there is no cricket left to enable the decision-makers to be impressed by his reaction to this defeat. The likelihood is that once the dust has settled a little they will not overhaul their plans on the basis of 40 ghastly overs in Chittagong against the Netherlands. Joining Giles on the shortlist for the head coach's job are Peter Moores, Mick Newell and a surprise candidate in Trevor Bayliss, according to the Telegraph. The Australian Bayliss, the New South Wales and Kolkata Knight Riders coach, was Sri Lanka's coach for four years until 2011.

England's Alex Hales is bowled out by Mudassar Bukhari. Photograph: A.M. Ahad/AP

Until Mondaythe opinion was that plucky England had not disgraced themselves in Bangladesh. That view is now completely obscured. The defeat was as much a consequence of incompetence as complacency, which began when England declined to bat first on a used pitch that was deteriorating. Then they allowed the Dutchmen a flying start. Stephan Myburgh, one of the batsmen of the tournament and its leading run-scorer – having played in the qualifiers – sparkled again. He took three boundaries from Moeen Ali's opening over.

Despite the loss of Michael Swart they had sped to 47 for one at the end of the power-play. Stephen Parry, who replaced Jade Dernbach in the side, did not inspire much confidence. His first ball was the longest of long hops, yet it might have produced a wicket if Michael Lumb had hung on to a tricky catch on the midwicket boundary. Once again England's out-cricket would be far from flawless.

Then the Dutch innings resembled a Chittagong trishaw confronted with a gentle incline. It steadily decelerated. Myburgh was caught off a Ravi Bopara full toss. There followed a startling piece of fielding from Chris Jordan, one of the youngsters who can return home with head held high. He sprinted back from mid-off and stuck out his left hand to catch the ball, which had been mistimed by Tom Cooper. Meanwhile Jordan's vital shades were falling to the ground; he caught those with his right hand. It was the only moment all day to elicit a smile from the England camp.

The fact that Bopara propelled the four most economical overs in England's World T20 history – for 15 runs – did not cheer many up afterwards. Nor that Jordan yielded only one run from the final over of the Dutch innings. It transpired that England's opponents already had more than enough.

During the interval the effervescent disc jockey gave us a surreal burst of Country Roads by John Denver. "Take me home, to the place I belong …" he sung within earshot of the two sides, who are now heading back to western Europe. After five weeks in this country the Dutch would do so with a spring in their steps and, no doubt, a thudding in the heads. Meanwhile England, not for the first time this winter, will be staring at their shoelaces.

Jos Buttler of England and Logan van Beek of The Netherlands collide. Photograph: Graham Crouch-Idi/IDI via Getty Images

But Borren's side did not let their minds stray to their imminent flight. Once Michael Lumb had holed out to cover and an all too easily frustrated Alex Hales had been bowled by the admirable Mudassar Bukhari, any complacency among the English was replaced by that haunting feeling of inevitability that this was going to be one of those days. The departure of Eoin Morgan, caught at slip, and Jos Buttler holing out on the deep midwicket boundary, added to the despair.

Bopara and Jordan managed to scrape into double figures as the run-rate soared and at the end there was the statutory headless chicken run-out with the two batsmen at the same end. Here was absolute confirmation that this was one of those days. How many more can there be before it becomes official that English cricket is at a low ebb?

[westg]

No April fools joke ....good on them and even though we were slaughtered and poor Shane said it's been a long summer,..... gee what an excuse for doing what you get paid for. That said will gladly be Dutch for a day as a result of that game .

[ayepatz]

As a good Scotsman, I would like to extend my sympathies...

...but I'm not going to.

[Ken Gargett]

i was a bit late in getting an article in to an editor in london and was mumbling about the excuses but came clean - i'd been watching the ashes. got a note back. 'not a problem. i'm from scotland'.

[MIKA27]

Bet this would have been said in the lockers after the game!

[Ken Gargett]

Bet this would have been said in the lockers after the game!

that is going to all my english mates!!

[Ken Gargett]

Careful Ken we may all be Bangladeshi tomorrow

and to be honest, not a bad thing.

detest 20-20 cricket, and believe it to be highly detrimental to quality test/shield cricket, so anything that dulls the popularity here is a good thing.

and i would have happily swapped a loss by us for the dutch thrashing the poms again!!

i don't think i have stopped giggling all day.

loved living in london when i did but was always stunned by the venom that their papers unleashed on any pommy sporting side that was not winning (and they had plenty of opportunity). they must be going nuts now. if they appoint giles as permanent coach then they will make our idiot administrators look like geniuses.

[ErikB]

Didn't even know we played cricket ...

[Pedro2486]

and to be honest, not a bad thing.

detest 20-20 cricket, and believe it to be highly detrimental to quality test/shield cricket, so anything that dulls the popularity here is a good thing.

and i would have happily swapped a loss by us for the dutch thrashing the poms again!!

i don't think i have stopped giggling all day.

loved living in london when i did but was always stunned by the venom that their papers unleashed on any pommy sporting side that was not winning (and they had plenty of opportunity). they must be going nuts now. if they appoint giles as permanent coach then they will make our idiot administrators look like geniuses.

Agree with you Ken. I think that cricket today, especially Aussie, is nothing compared to the teams and games of the 80's and 90's and I think T20 is at least partially responsible for that. Though that may be me looking back at my intro to the game through rose coloured glasses. However, the same things said about 20-20 today echo what was said about one dayers when that was introduced so maybe it remains to be seen. If it can survive the subcontinents 20-20 comp having such a disruptive influence on the international competition.

[Ken Gargett]

Didn't even know we played cricket ...

which makes it even more priceless!