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Posted

My 4 1/2 year relationship just came to an end ... I am NOT the one who ended things and I am not happy about it. I spent a few days feeling pretty crappy (truth be told I still do) but I recently found a list that seems to be helping me so I thought I'd post it up for anyone else who might be in a similar situation:

11 Tips For Getting Over Your Ex

1- Take her off that pedestal

First things first: Stop acting like your ex was God’s gift to men. She wasn’t perfect. If we’re being honest, she probably wasn’t even close. Make a list of her annoying traits. Let your buddies bad-mouth her. Do whatever you have to do -- just take her off that pedestal.

2- Get closure

Step two for getting over your ex: get closure. If you’re going to end this thing, end it. Make sure you’re both on the same page. This is a breakup, not a “break.” The two of you are moving on, which means potentially seeing other people. If you feel the need to do a relationship postmortem, do it now. You won’t be seeing her again for a while.

3- Don't contact her

This may be the most important of our 11 tips for getting over your ex. After you’ve gotten closer, don’t contact her. Go cold turkey. Seriously. Maybe you said some crap about trying to stay friends, maybe you made some idiot vow to “always be there for each other,” but forget it. By staying in touch with old flames, you’re asking for months (if not years) of on-again-off-again uncertainty. So, throw out her phone number, stop texting her and unfriend her on Facebook. Imagine how freaked out you'll be the first time you see some strange dude in her profile picture, and you'll see why a clean break is essential.

4- Work out

Without a girlfriend gobbling up hours out of every day, you may be wondering what to do with yourself. Now that you’re single, we suggest hitting the gym or taking a jog. It’s a healthy way to work out all of that post-breakup frustration. Getting in shape is also a good way to boost your self-esteem. And don’t forget: The gym is a great place to meet women (plenty of reasons why working out makes our list of 11 tips for getting over your ex).

5- Avoid her friends and the places she hangs

If you want to avoid the temptations that come with bumping into an ex, you might have to make some sacrifices. You might have to cut ties with some of your mutual friends. You might have to avoid some of your favorite haunts (because they’re her favorite haunts, too). Trust us, it’s a small price to pay for peace of mind.

6- Throw away anything that reminds you of her

That dopey-looking teddy bear she gave you for your birthday, the sappy love letters she wrote, the adorable pictures of the two of you -- chuck ’em. Throw it all away. The sooner you get all that junk out of your house the sooner you’ll get over her.

And before you ask, yes, it’s fine to keep items that don't evoke any emotional connections. If she bought you a copy of Call of Duty 2, keep it. But clothes, jewelry, keepsakes, and the like should be ditched.

7- Don't try to get your stuff back

By the same token, you don’t want to try to get your stuff back. You can’t have a relationship relapse if you don’t allow yourself to see your ex. Forget about all that stuff you left at her place. Consider it gone. The $50 you’re going to have to spend to replace a few DVDs is a small price to pay to avoid an ex-girlfriend who could be either desperately needy or irrationally angry.

8- Hang out with your friends

One of the things you had to sacrifice when in a committed relationship was time with your friends. Girlfriends are notorious time-bandits, always greedy for more and more of your attention. But now that you’re single, you can reconnect with the buds you left behind. Not only will it be fun, but it will also be therapeutic because hanging out with your friends is one of the most rewarding of our 11 tips for getting over your ex.

9- Exercise your newfound freedom

Relationships are about compromise. Being single should be about doing whatever the hell you want. Look, you’ve ditched the ball and chain. You’re free. So stay out until four in the morning, hop on a plane to Vegas with your brother, or just sit on your ass and watch basketball all day. Taking pleasure in all of those things that you couldn’t do as a boyfriend is a great way to get over your ex.

10- Remember the bad times

It’s pretty common for guys to idealize their significant others after a breakup. You’ll just be going about your business, and then, suddenly, you’ll remember an inside joke or a great date. Then you’ll grin, thinking about a cute personality quirk she had, and before long, you’re fantasizing about how great your sex life used to be.

Snap out of it. One of the most important of our 11 tips for getting over your ex is to remember the bad times. Focus on the fights and the problems. Recollect her bad habits and shady behavior. It’s like taking a cold shower.

11- Sleep with another girl

The most foolproof method for getting over your ex is to sleep with another girl. It’s the fastest and most efficient way to get an ex-girlfriend out of your system. One of the reasons we equivocate about leaving an ex behind is because -- no matter how confident we are -- we worry we won’t find someone new. That’s what sends us crawling back to our familiar, comfy, dysfunctional exes time and time again. Finding a new love interest, even for one night, is the best method of countering all those self-defeating thoughts

:mob::tantrum::forkyou:

Posted

Phil make a road trip to Toronto and we'll take good care of you down here bud!

Also, there's another list that might help you through this time: robs best of best for February!

Be well mate :)

Posted

Phil, dude that sucks. But, c'est la vie. I've seen that list before too, and have followed it's steps religiously several times. :innocent: However, like Rushman said, it's best to start with the last step first, and then work through the list from top to bottom, and then repeat that last step as many times as is needed. :thinking::lol3:

Here's to better days ahead.

In the interim, just be happy at the prospects for your future schedule - you're now free and clear for a spring T.O. herf, and for November in Las Vegas. Vegas, baby, Vegas!!!!! :buddies:

Posted

#12. Enjoy as many Cuban cigars free from opinion, beratement, prejudice and overall lack of understanding as possible! Wed night Bacchus 6:30ish...

Posted

her loss, just keep telling yourself you're still awesome without her

have a cigar, just grab an average stick from the humidor though, 'cos you don't want to associate that Behike with that bitter memory right?

Although many ppl do it, try not to drink.

Travel is a good cure too

Posted

Phil, sorry to hear the news. I really don't know what you're going through...cause I've been with the same piece of ass for 24 years...But chin up and move step No.11 to step No.1 and get crackin!

Posted

#12. Enjoy as many Cuban cigars free from opinion, beratement, prejudice and overall lack of understanding as possible! Wed night Bacchus 6:30ish...

This. Sorry for your loss buddy,i'M sure you'll be fine though.

Posted

Thanks for the support guys, I really do appreciate it.

Posted

My friend,

in years to come, you will get married,

and you will look back, you will look at this list,

and you will find that with little changes the following still applies:

1- Take her off that pedestal

If you want to succeed in a relationship, don't idolize

2- Get closure

Your immaturity is over

3- Don't contact her

at least 3 out of 21 days ;)

4- Work out

5- Avoid her friends and the places she hangs :foot:

6- Throw away anything that reminds you of her

If you don't want to suffer on a business trip

7- Don't try to get your stuff back :looking:, :teacher:, (:forkyou:)

8- Hang out with your friends :buddies:

9- Exercise your newfound freedom

Relationships are about compromise. Being married should be about doing whatever the hell you want. You're free. So stay out until four in the morning, hop on a plane to Vegas with your brother, or just sit on your ass and watch basketball all day. Taking pleasure in all of those things that you wouldn't do as a bachelor.

10- Remember the good times :violin:

11- Hug your wife and children :peace:

It works for me....

hope that helps,

Alex

Posted

W-e-e-l-l-l-l...even thought I'm a woman and we generally like to stick together on some things, since you are my fellow FOH forum member and thus my loyalties must be what they may let me just share a quick Arab saying with you on the subject:

"They wooed her and she resisted;

they neglected her and she fell in love"

Guest airmikey
Posted

but most ..most importantly for all you single guys..get on... match.com...there is so many single women out there ...oh my goodness i had so much fun..now i found the love of my life..oh i was married for 25 years ..there is still lots of fun and life after a divorce or breakup..trust me guys...MATCH.COM

Posted

Sorry to hear. I think we can all draw from experience in this situation unfortunately. The list you got is pretty accurate. You feel shitty, that's alright but don't let it consume you. Move the F&$$ on. Getting rid of her stuff and cutting off communication are KEY. You'll get through it brother. Look on the very bright side, you'll have more disposable income which translates into more cigars. :D

And as Jay-Z once said, "On to the next one". B)

Posted

Sorry to hear. I think we can all draw from experience in this situation unfortunately. The list you got is pretty accurate. You feel shitty, that's alright but don't let it consume you. Move the F&$$ on. Getting rid of her stuff and cutting off communication are KEY. You'll get through it brother. Look on the very bright side, you'll have more disposable income which translates into more cigars. :D

And as Jay-Z once said, "On to the next one". B)

Other way around actually, my monthly rent and the majority of my bills just doubled!

Posted

hey phil. sorry to hear about this. I know how it is though.. empty beer cans all over the house, empty vodka bottles, empty pizza boxes.. unshaven.. dont even want to get out of bed.. i feel for ya. but it made me happy to see this list you posted lol.. i agree with it 100%.. take care brother.

--Matt

Posted

Enjoy the things you've missed doing for a wee while.

Enjoy no 11.

Sooner or later, while you are out enjoying stuff, someone else will appear....

just don't try too hard.

Sorry if this seems too early, but don't dwell too long on it.

Good luck mate.

Posted

You said she initiated it... and that it's not what you wanted ...in my experience, I found I got closure and got over the grief of it only after I realised she was right for wanting to break up. Your reluctance at wanting to accept it is why it's hard to move on.

Wish her all the best and harbor no ill feelings... and you will set yourself free to smile - and you will realise it's for the best. in years to come you will pass the same sage advice on to someone else. Being reluctant or bitter about it sows a seed that makes it impossible for you to move on.

Posted

Think of all the bad things that she's done that she did that really pissed you off.

Focus on all the things that you truly did not like about her, and relish in the fact that you won't have to deal with it again.

Go fishing! Not for fish son! For tail!

Posted

I'd say seeing your best friends having some drinks, smoking some cigars and listening to their counsel is a good idea. They should help point you in the right direction and if it is signing up for 5 internet dating agencies and multiple dating (fast) women then so be it. That was my advice to a best mate of mine whose fiancee broke off the engagement. I just said try internet dating and having some no strings fun and after a few months going crazy he settled down.

Posted

Hi Phil - I would say sorry to hear about the loss bud but whilst you may not want to hear such a cliche comment, it's better this occurred now rather than later or if you were married with kids and this occurred. ;)

You forgot #12 and that in turn negates your #6 rule: Throw away anything that reminds you of her:

#12 - Do not post about your ex on a forum you frequently visit to hang out with fellow BOTL as in effect, you will come accross this very post which will REMIND YOU OF HER. :idea:

I hope you move on bud to a great deal more happiness and in time find someone who will look out for and after you. BUT.... Have a little fun single first! :2thumbs:

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