... but don't even THINK about smoking at work!


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Brazil Grants Right to Masturbate to Internet Porn at Work

Posted by Dave Blount at May 16, 2011 7:56 AM

With every passing day, the moonbats running this world further erode our basic rights to property, free expression, free association, and self-defense. We are granted coercive arbitrary decrees in exchange. For example, the Brazilian government infringes on your right to employ those you choose, but the employees have a "right" to masturbate at work:

This is the story of Ana Catarina Bezerra Silvares, an employee of an accounting firm, a divorced mother of three who lives in the village Vila Velha, Espírito Santo.

The woman suffers from a rare condition known as "compulsion orgasmic", caused by a chemical alteration in the brain region of the cortex, which leads her to masturbate several times a day to relieve the deep anguish that it causes.

Under this circumstance, Bezerra started legal proceedings with the company where she works that eventually won and that enables to masturbate for 15 minutes every two hours, besides using the computer to see erotic images that stimulate her desire.

The Brazilian newspaper North Regiao reported that the woman confessed, "There was a day I had to masturbate 47 times", adding: "I began to suppose that this could not be normal, and decided to seek help."

Currently, Bezerra follows a treatment that includes a potent cocktail of sedatives which gets her to "only" masturbate 18 times a day.

Victims of "compulsion orgasmic" may also find their condition aggravated by the comorbidity of feeling compelled to guzzle beer and munch Cheez Doodles while masturbating to Internet porn on company time. Rumors that this condition has already reached epidemic proportions among federal employees have not been confirmed.

Ana Catarina Bezerra Silvares, proud owner of Brazil's stickiest keyboard.

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Victims of "compulsion orgasmic" may also find their condition aggravated by the comorbidity of feeling compelled to guzzle beer and munch Cheez Doodles while masturbating to Internet porn on company time.

So this is where all the productivity loss is coming from. Obviously not members of the Anti-Sex League - we need BIG BROTHER to fix this problem.

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I suffer from a rare condition known as "compulsion cigaric", caused by a chemical alteration in the brain region of the cortex, which leads to smoking cigars several times a day to relieve the deep anguish that it causes.

:)

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Au contraire! Seems to me like she's already smokin' at work! (My apologies. The comments here didn't seem nearly shallow enough for the subject matter). :angry:

"Workplace wankers of the world, unite! You have nothing to lose but your, um, er, um . . . 'deep anguish.'" :)

There's something about this story that just screams "The Onion."

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There's something about this story that just screams "The Onion."

but then it wouldn't be funny anymore...

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