Dismissal Letter

[First Lady]

Dear Employee:

As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for all department

areas, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel. Under this plan,

older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the

retention of younger people who represent our future.

Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the next

fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately.

This program will be known as S.L.A.P. (Severance of Late-Aged Personnel).

Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs

outside the company. SLAPPED employees can request a review of their

employment records before actual retirement takes place.

This review phase of the program will be called S.C.R.E.W. (Survey of

Capabilities of Retired Elderly Workers).

All employees who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal with

upper management. This appeal is called S.H.A.F.T. (Study by Higher

Authority Following Termination).

Under the terms of this new policy, an employee may be SLAPPED once,

SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the company deems

appropriate.

If an employee follows the above procedure, he/she will be entitled to

get: HE.R.P.E.S. (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Early Severance) or

CLAP (Combined Lump sum Assistance Payment).

As H.E.R.P.E.S. and C.L.A.P. are considered benefit plans, any employee

who has received H.E.R.P.E.S . or C.L.A.P. will no longer be SLAPPED or

SCREWED by the company.

Management wishes to assure the younger employees who remain on board

that the company will continue its policy of training employees through our:

Special High Intensity Training ( S.H.I.T.).

We take pride in the amount of S.H.I.T. our employees receive. We have

given our employees more S.H.I.T. than any company in this area. If any

employee feels they do not receive enough S.H.I.T. on the job, see your immediate

supervisor. Your supervisor is specially trained to make sure you

receive all the ; S.H.I.T. you can stand.

And, once again, thanks for all your years of loyal service with us!

Management

:-D

[anacostiakat]

Being able to see retirement within sight I live in fear. . .

[Fishhound]

Awesome Lisa.

[mkz]

So... I guess this was sent from Rob to the rest of the crew at Czar?

:-D

[Guest Warren]

»

»

» So... I guess this was sent from Rob to the rest of the crew at Czar?

» :-D

Don't be silly, Rob would not allow S.H.I.T to happen

[brooklyn]

I have experienced all of the above and it isn't even time!:-D