Funny of the week

[First Lady]

I know that everyone has gone through this situation but this is good and I will have to remember this :-D

TFL

The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home

and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,

"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and! see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

[jay8354]

In response to TFL's funny, I have the following:

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobies are there?

The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there's three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a women's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions."

"Onions?"

"Yes, you see them and they make you cry."

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?"

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his twenties, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."

"A Christmas tree?"

"Yes, dead from the root up, the balls are for decoration and it's up for only a short time of the year"

:wink:

Ain't Viagra great :-D

[josie67]

Both VERY funny. Lisa, keep the jokes coming; I like'em alot.

[Wiley]

A couple of good ones! Thanks, both of you!

[habanohal]

Nice one Lisa!! But what is it with the silent treatment crap??? All I know is that after a week or so it always comes to going to be with a " I am sorry, I love you" Then the thing that all us men look forward to after a good fight.............the make up sex. Why it is do good????

Who knows, but sometimes I just have to start something out of nothing just for that point. :-D

[argon345]

Thanks Lisa and Jay...Its always nice to have a good laugh before bed:-D

[El Presidente]

Feel free to do some work Lise.

[jay8354]

» Feel free to do some work Lise.

This is coming from the Prez!!!

ROFLMAO

:-D

[Ken Gargett]

what do you call a fish with no eyes?

a fsh.

sounds better out loud.

[habanohal]

What did the fish say when it hit a wall??

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DAM!!!!!!!

[Havana Joe]

[Elric]

»

A couple of FUNNY ones to start...Keep working at it Ken!:-D

[genevapics]

Cute. I''ll give you that, it is a cute little joke.

[genevapics]

Not bad at all, Jay. Not bad at all.

[Wiley]

A husband and wife go to a counselor after 15 years of marriage. The counselor asks them what the problem is and the wife goes into a tirade listing every problem they have ever had in the 15 years they've been married. She goes on and on and on......

Finally, the counselor gets up, goes around the desk, embraces the woman and kisses her passionately. The woman shuts up and sits quietly in a daze.The counselor turns to the husband and says, "That is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do that?"

The husband thinks for a moment and replies, "Well, I can get her here Monday and Wednesday, but on Friday I golf."

[Wiley]

1. HER DIARY

Tonight I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.

Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong; he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.

On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say I love you too.

When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched T.V. He seemed distant and absent.

Finally, I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed, and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.

My life is a disaster.

2. HIS DIARY

I didn't catch any fish today, but at least I got laid.

[Wiley]

A blind man enters a lesbian bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender in a loud voice, "Hey bartender, you wanna hear a dumb blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls deathly quiet.

In a deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

One: The bartender is a blonde woman.

Two: The bouncer is a blonde woman.

Three: The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional boxer.

Four: The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.

Five: I'm a 6 - foot, 200 pound blonde woman with a Ph.D., a black belt in karate, and a very bad attitude!

"Now, think seriously, mister. Do you still want to tell that joke?"

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head and says: "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.

[Ken Gargett]

that is the best of the lot.