Funniest line overheard by inebriated friend


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I still remember a few years ago one occasion after a night of heavy drinking visiting the establishments toilets. I was in one of the stalls, and overheard a couple of very drunk friends from our group talking at the urinals. One asks the other "So how old do you think I am?". The other lets out a roaring fart, and the first one says "I know I am old, but I'm not dead yet".
I nearly fell off the toilet seat laughing.

Another one, a long time ago, was a friend who was a heavy drinker. Saw him chatting up a girl at the bar he had absolutely no chance with. Pops his head over his shoulder, spews up a great chunk of what looked like creamed chicken into a pile on the floor, still managing to get it all down his front, and then turned back to continue trying to chat up the girl. I still remember the horrified look on her face!

 

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2 hours ago, Nick.Skayuna said:


Give him the credit. The movie is from 2006 i believe.


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a robert benchley line from the 1940s. forget the movie (i think that he was the father of the guy who wrote Jaws). 

your friend might have pinched it but gets points for remembering it in those circumstances. 

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Just now, Ken Gargett said:

a robert benchley line from the 1940s. forget the movie (i think that he was the father of the guy who wrote Jaws). 

your friend might have pinched it but gets points for remembering it in those circumstances. 

sorry, my apols. benchley gave credit to mae west from a 30s movie she wrote. 

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as for lines, i do remember a call from a mate very late one evening to pick him up from the cop shop. been done for drink driving - the first of several times although he now has his own law firm, one of the most successful in the country. cops pulled him over with the excuse, 'you made a bit much noise going around that corner'.

his response? 'yes sir, i've been to a party and i am really pissed'. 

 

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so... a few...

 

First up.... my 7 year old had an operation... was wheeled out of recovery still in a daze from the general anesthetic... had his hands behind his head, propped up on the pillows, and when asked if he was ok and if there was anything he wanted he replied in a slow slurred voice to the Surgeon , Anesthatist, and 5 nurses in attendance; 'yes i'd like a drink and a cigar please' and promptly fell asleep...  I was left looking both proud and embarrassed. He was after a chocolate cigar I'd not long been given as a gift... or so we all think. he denies ever saying it. 

 

Similar to one of the tales above.... I was at a post rugby match party... one of our more heavy set characters was deep in discussion with two very attractive girls.... he excused himself for a moment, turned around... and chundered neatly into the empty pint glass he was holding... looked panicked, couldnt see where he might put it, so chugged it all back down again, turned around and carried on trying to get laid! 

 

 

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5 hours ago, IanMcLean68 said:

I still remember a few years ago one occasion after a night of heavy drinking visiting the establishments toilets. I was in one of the stalls, and overheard a couple of very drunk friends from our group talking at the urinals. One asks the other "So how old do you think I am?". The other lets out a roaring fart, and the first one says "I know I am old, but I'm not dead yet".
I nearly fell off the toilet seat laughing.

Another one, a long time ago, was a friend who was a heavy drinker. Saw him chatting up a girl at the bar he had absolutely no chance with. Pops his head over his shoulder, spews up a great chunk of what looked like creamed chicken into a pile on the floor, still managing to get it all down his front, and then turned back to continue trying to chat up the girl. I still remember the horrified look on her face!

 

Thanks for those!   You solicited laughs on both stories.  Great stories.  Wish I could’ve seen her face.   You’ve got to appreciate his confidence level thinking he could pull it off post-projectile vomiting.  

 

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5 hours ago, Ken Gargett said:

been done for drink driving - the first of several times although he now has his own law firm, one of the most successful in the country. cops pulled him over with the excuse, 'you made a bit much noise going around that corner'.

his response? 'yes sir, i've been to a party and i am really pissed'. 

 

1) they say drunk driving can be expensive but I had no idea it was “go to law school and start your own firm so you can represent yourself expensive”.  Love a good story of redemption. 

I think everyone has made a bit much noise going around a corner a time or two! 

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1 hour ago, Emaresee said:

so... a few...

 

First up.... my 7 year old had an operation... was wheeled out of recovery still in a daze from the general anesthetic... had his hands behind his head, propped up on the pillows, and when asked if he was ok and if there was anything he wanted he replied in a slow slurred voice to the Surgeon , Anesthatist, and 5 nurses in attendance; 'yes i'd like a drink and a cigar please' and promptly fell asleep...  I was left looking both proud and embarrassed. He was after a chocolate cigar I'd not long been given as a gift... or so we all think. he denies ever saying it. 

 

Similar to one of the tales above.... I was at a post rugby match party... one of our more heavy set characters was deep in discussion with two very attractive girls.... he excused himself for a moment, turned around... and chundered neatly into the empty pint glass he was holding... looked panicked, couldnt see where he might put it, so chugged it all back down again, turned around and carried on trying to get laid! 

 

 

1) your son has a very bright future! Well done, papa. 

2) that actually makes me panic.  I can’t even imagine what that cocktail tasted like.  3-day old road kill...

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