A mid week funny- the ladies will like this one

[TheLiquidGator]

Tech Support in Marriage

The young woman who submitted the tech support message below (about her relationship to her husband) presumably did it as a joke. Then she got a reply which was way too good to keep to herself. The tech support people's love advice was hilarious and genius!

The query:

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed
undesirable programs such as: NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed, Desperate

The response (that came weeks later out of the blue):

Dear Desperate,

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command: I thought you loved me.html and try to download Tears 6.2. Do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta version. Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-In-Law 1.0 as it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.

In addition, please, do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0.

Good Luck!'

[rckymtn22]

good one!

[RickG]

By the title, I thought you where going to show a pic of me in my speedo! Lol

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Smallclub]

We recommend: Cooking 3.0.

Hot_Sex 6.9 works even better, if you ask me

[cigcars]

*And then there's "Keep 'im guessing" 7.3, inasfaras making him wonder could there be somebody else you're possibly eyeing. Of course there's the danger of "Fist-in-the-face" 12.1, which will be disasterous in unwanted results, unless you're Ronda Rousey, Holly Holm, or Laila Ali. But 7.3 is just a mild "hint-at" use app that can work wonders in restoring, temporarily anyway, the old Boyfriend 5.0

*Just my humble 2 cts. app!

[Squarehead]

A classic

[WarriorPrincess]

So true so true

[PuffDaddie]

Good one

[Fuzz]

Wife 1.0

This page is here to assist you with your troubleshooting of Wife 1.0, particularly for you cheap bastards who bought a copy from a third party overseas provider and are complaining, "I cant use it, I didn't get an instruction manual with my illegally downloaded version". So for you people whining about it, here is your manual and information guide to Wife 1.0.

Upgrade Issues

You may have found yourself having issues with your upgrade from Girlfriend 6.0 to Wife 1.0, and found that it's a memory hog leaving very little system resources available for other applications. We are aware you may have noticed that Wife 1.0 is also spawning Child Processes which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed us that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application.

Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself such that it is always launched at system initialization, where it can monitor all other system activity by running constantly in the background. You're finding that some applications such as PokerNight 10.3, BeerBash 2.5, and PubNight 7.0 are no longer able to run in the system at all, crashing the system when selected (even though they always worked fine before). During installation, Wife 1.0 provides no option as to the installation of undesired Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw 55.8 and BrotherInLaw Beta release. Also, system performance seems to diminish with each passing day.

Some features you can look forward to in the upcoming Wife 2.0.

1. a "Don't remind me again" button
2. a Minimize button
3. An install shield feature that allows Wife 2.0 be installed with the option to uninstall at any time without the loss of cache and other system resources
4. An option to run the network driver in promiscuous mode which would allow the system's hardware probe feature to be much more useful.
5. Ability to delete the "headache.ffs" file

You may find yourself avoiding the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking with Girlfriend 6.0. But even here, you may still find many problems. You cannot install Girlfriend 7.0 on top of Girlfriend 6.0. You must uninstall Girlfriend 6.0 first. Many users say this is a long standing bug that you should have known about. Apparently the versions of Girlfriend 1.0 have conflicts over shared use of the I/O port. You think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now. To make matters worse, The uninstall program for Girlfriend 6.0 doesn't work very well leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system. Another thing -- all versions of Girlfriend 1.0 continually pop-up little annoying messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0.

Bug Warning

Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources.

Bug work-arounds: To avoid this bug, try installing Mistress 1.1 on a different system and never run any file transfer applications. Also, beware of similar shareware applications like Hooker 11.2, that have been known to carry viruses that may infect Wife 1.0. Another solution would be to run Mistress 1.1 via a UseNet provider under an anonymous name. Here again, beware of the viruses which can accidentally be downloaded from the UseNet.

Tech Support Suggestions

These are very common problems men complain about, but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 6.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a Utilities & Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is indeed an operating system and designed by its creator to run everything.

It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and convert back to Girlfriend 6.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 6.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot downgrade to Girlfriend 6.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this.

Some trying to install Girlfriend 7.0 or Wife 2.0 will end up with more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under "Warnings - Alimony/Child support". We recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and deal with the situation.

We suggest installing background application program C:\YES DEAR to alleviate software augmentation. Having installed Wife 1.0, You might also want to read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE. In any case avoid excessive use of C:\YES DEAR because ultimately you may have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high-maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. We recommend Flowers 3.1 and Diamonds 2K. Do not, under any circumstances, install SecretarywithShortSkirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to your hardware.

[Ralphanator]

LOL Funny but Very True!

[LLC]

LMAO

[CdnLimitada]

This is hilarious. So true.

"Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources."

This got me good.