A Little Humor for your Day

[Fosgate]

Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they
know they are in love.
One day they decide that they want to get married, so
Bruce goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand. Bruce
bravely walks up to him and says,
"Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to
ask you for her hand in marriage." Thinking that this was just
the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Bruce, you are only
10.. where will you two live?"
Without even taking a moment to think about it, Bruce
replies, "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both
fit there nicely."
Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay, then how will
you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to
support Jenny." Again, Bruce instantly replies, "Our allowance
Jenny makes five bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week.
That's about 60 bucks a month, so that should do us just fine."
Mr. Smith is impressed Bruce has put so much thought
into this. "Well Bruce, It seems like you have everything
figured out. I just have one more question.
What will you do if the two of you should have little
children of your own?" Bruce just shrugs his shoulders and
says, "Well, we've been lucky so far."
Mr. Smith no longer thinks the little sh*t is adorable.

[Dmatzkin]

LOL!!!! Thanks for sharing!!!!

[CUBANO]

Funny. I can picture Mr. Smith screaming for his wife.

[Rye]

Hehehehe!

[NJP]

Cracker.

[Fosgate]

A Harley and a Jar of Vaseline

Joe wanted to buy a motorcycle.
He doesn't have much luck, until one day, he comes across a Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it.

The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old.
It's shiny and in absolute mint condition.

He immediately buys it and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.

'Well, it's quite simple really,' says the seller, 'whenever the bike is outside and it's gonna rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome.
It protects it from the rain.' (true story)

And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.

That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there.

But just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says, 'I have to tell you something about my family before we go in.'

'When we eat dinner, we don't talk.
In fact, the first person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes.'

'No problem,' he says.. And in they go.

Joe is shocked.
Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes.

In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes.
Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks.
Dirty dishes.

They sit down to dinner, and sure enough, no one says a word.

As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation.

So he leans over and kisses Sandra.

No one says a word.

So he reaches over and fondles her breasts.

Still, nobody says a word.
So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table and does her, right there in front of her parents.

His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.

He looks at her mom.

'She's got a great body,' he thinks.

So he grabs the mom, bends her over the dinner table, pulls down her panties, and does her every which way but loose right there on the dinner table.

After she has a big orgasm, he sits down again.

Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, the Mom is pleasantly beaming.
But still.... Total silence.

All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain.

Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket.

Suddenly the father shouts.
I'll do the dam dishes!!

[PuffDaddie]

Ha,Ha, good one.

[nikonNUT]

Those made my night!

[liger930]

Hahaha.. Light humor to start the day. Thanks fellas

[Carts]

Hahah two great jokes

[Fosgate]

Have a good Friday!

Two old oak trees, tall and proud are standing in the middle of the forest. they have known each other for many hundreds off years, and it can get pretty boring in the forest after all those years. one day they notice a small tree growing up between them, way down on the forest floor. the first oak looks down and says," i think that is, a son off a beech". the other oak looks down and says,"i think its, a son off a birch". a woodpecker is sitting in one off the oak trees, and they ask him to please fly down, and find out what kind off tree it is, that is growing there. the woodpecker flies down to the tree, and comes back up to the oaks after a while. " well guys, its not a son off a beech, or a son off a birch, but the best piece off ash i have ever put my pecker in".

[Fosgate]

He was in ecstasy with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved forward, then backwards,

forward, then backwards again...... back and forth... back and forth...... in and out.......

She could feel the sweat on her forehead, between her breasts and trickling
down the small of her back.

She was getting near to the end.

Her heart was pounding..... her face was flushed.....

Then she moaned, softly at first, then began to groan louder.

Finally, totally exhausted, she let out an almighty scream and shouted....................












"Okay, Okay! I can't park the damn car! You do it, you smug bastard !

[Fosgate]

A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas, and talked with an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.....", as he pointed out the location.
The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!" Reaching into his rear pants pocke...t, the arrogant officer removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher. "See this ♥♥♥♥ing badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land !! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear?.... do you understand?!!"
The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores. A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull...... With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified. The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs.....

"Your badge, show him your ♥♥♥♥ing BADGE!!"

[Fosgate]

Best flight briefing ever!

http://www.ijreview.com/2014/04/129644-attendant-takes-flight-entertainment-new-level-hilarious/

[Habano]

Oh my. Nice.

[Fosgate]

[Fosgate]

An English tourist was driving through the Outback when he noticed a man on the side of the road having sex with a kangaroo.
A few kilometers further on, he came upon a small Outback town, parked his car and went into the pub for a drink.
He grabbed a beer and had a look around the bar and noticed a one legged guy sitting in the corner masturbating without a care in the world.
The English tourist turned to the barman and said: "What sort of country is this?! A few kilometers down the road there was a guy having sex with a kangaroo and that guy in the corner is masturbating in full view of everyone."
The barman said, "You heartless bastard. He's only got one leg. How do you expect him to catch a kangaroo?"