Philski Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 Understanding Engineers #1 Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway." Understanding Engineers #2 To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. Understanding Engineers #3 A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime!." The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for themtonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything she can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?" Understanding Engineers #4 What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets. Understanding Engineers #5 The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?" Understanding Engineers #6 Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?" Understanding Engineers #7 Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet. Understanding Engineers #8 An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want." Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool." Two engineers??? Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. "We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said STEVEN, "but we don't have a ladder." The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, and announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away. One engineer shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!" Both engineers have since quit their engineering jobs and are currently serving in the European Parliament.
Ginseng Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 As a chemical engineer, I approve this message. Wilkey
pjansen Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 As a senior in Mechanical Engineering I really enjoyed number 4. Great post!
cognacscotchcigars Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 Electrical Engineer....I do know some engineers that are like this.
oliverdst Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 I have a degree in engineering and law and I can tell you is far easier to work with engineers than lawyers or someone who works with law. I guess its the kind of thinking both have to develop tp work makes difference in who they are.
GoJohnnyGo Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 Im a geologist not an engineer. But as someone who works with engineers everyday. ..I love this post. Great jokes!
polarbear Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 We like to call them "imagineers" around here...
bolivr Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 Arts graduate here. And I can take a joke. These are oldies but goodies, very funny and in some cases quite accurate. Oddly enough as project manager my job now is to make sure engineers do their job. Good bunch to work with I have to say.
jat Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 As a scientist I found all those hilarious. To solve a problem, Scientists use their imagination and engineers a catalogue,
jrb5783 Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 Civil engineering student here good laughs here
Squarehead Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 Love them all.Also I've had my fair share of run ins with Engineers.
phill15 Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 Mech engineering grad here...gota love the pokes at the civils.....working in the underground coal industry i think we should be picking on those tired electricals more haha
sengjc Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 I am a Mechanical Engineer graduate but now a Project Engineer (jack of all trades, master of none). Some of these are classic.
Coolio Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 I'm married to a civil engineer and i now understand why my jokes have never quite measured up! I showed her this post 30 mins go, and she's still rolling around on the floor going "now do you get me?"
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now