Ken Gargett Posted May 20, 2012 Posted May 20, 2012 a mate sent me this. I think a retired English teacher was bored. This took a lot of work to put together! You think English is easy?? 1) The bandage was wound around the wound. 2) The farm was used to produce produce. 3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse. 4) We must polish the Polish furniture. 5) He could lead if he would get the lead out. 6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert. 7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present. 8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum. 9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes. 10) I did not object to the object. 11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid. 12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row. 13) They were too close to the door to close it. 14) The buck does funny things when the does are present. 15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewerline. 16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow. 17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail. 18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.. 19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests. 20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend? Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on. English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ? You lovers of the English language might enjoy this .. There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP.' It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special. A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the wordUP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearingUP. When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes thingsUP. When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP. One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so........it is time to shut UP! Now it's UP to you what you do with this email. I have forwarded this, because I think it is pretty good.
Ken Gargett Posted May 20, 2012 Author Posted May 20, 2012 a further oddity. using the same word five times in a row in a sensible manner. anyone top that? or any other curiosities? i said that that that that that man said was incorrect.
cigcars Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 I'm a Communications major (liberal arts, that is) and my professor taught us that the name of the game is to communicate...that is, be understood. And what she taught was that the "correct use of English" leaves people confused and you can't be understood. She gave us a demonstration that it is impossible for me to re-iterate but she used a sentence where you correctly don't use an adverb at the end of a sentence. Everybody was, "Huhn???" We didn't know WHAT the hell she just said. Then she went ahead and put the adverb at the end and was perfectly understood. Her point; "Don't follow those rules if it's going to confuse and you don't get understood. You frame the sentence so you can successfully communicate." I've never forgotten that.
Fuzz AI Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 Try these - Q: What are the only 2 six letter words in the English language that start with a vowel, end with the same vowel, but contain no vowels inbetween. Q: What two 15 letter words contains only one of the 6 vowels? Q: What 7 letter word contains 13 words spelled consecutively? (ie peacefully - pea, peace, ace, full, fully)
Guest rob Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 Q: What are the only 2 words in the English language that start with a vowel, end with the same vowel, but contain no vowels inbetween. possible spoiler below... Ate Are
mazolaman Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 It must a tough language to learn... HOW DOES THE REVEREND OUGH PRONOUNCE HIS NAME? It must be rather rough to be addressed as Reverend Ough. Or do you politely cough and say, 'No, I pronounce it Ough'? Yet if you lived in Slough you'd be known as Reverend Ough. While the priest by Irish lough is addressed as Father Ough. But I rather think it, though, that you're simply known as Ough. Still, I think I've said enough Mr. Oh, Ow, Ock or Uff.
coblos Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 No sentence can end with because because, because is a conjunction.
dvickery Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 and "phlegm" wins a prize for something...not sure what tho. derrek
Fuzz AI Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 possible spoiler below... Ate Are Nope. Needs to have the same vowel at the beginning and end.
Fuzz AI Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 It must a tough language to learn... HOW DOES THE REVEREND OUGH PRONOUNCE HIS NAME? It must be rather rough to be addressed as Reverend Ough. Or do you politely cough and say, 'No, I pronounce it Ough'? Yet if you lived in Slough you'd be known as Reverend Ough. While the priest by Irish lough is addressed as Father Ough. But I rather think it, though, that you're simply known as Ough. Still, I think I've said enough Mr. Oh, Ow, Ock or Uff. How confusing it must be to pronounce "ough" 8 different ways!!
Rehman Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 How confusing it must be to pronounce "ough" 8 different ways!! To be thorough, with "through", ten.
Ryan Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 a further oddity. using the same word five times in a row in a sensible manner. anyone top that? or any other curiosities? i said that that that that that man said was incorrect. Still only five but one I heard years ago. Ken Gargett has a wine shop called "Gargett and Sons", he hires a sign writer to paint a new sign on the front of the shop. When he's finished he's not happy, he complains, "The spaces between 'Gargett' and 'And' and 'And' and 'Sons' are too small."
Guest rob Posted May 21, 2012 Posted May 21, 2012 Nope. Needs to have the same vowel at the beginning and end. Ok, how about Asthma? It's doing my head in coming up with another.
Fuzz AI Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 Ok, how about Asthma? It's doing my head in coming up with another. Bingo! That's one of them. I'll give you the other, but it is actually very similar, just changing the vowel... A: Isthmi - noun. a narrow connection between two larger bodies or parts
Guest rob Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 then I believe there are more than 2 words that fit your criteria ..... seeing as David correctly pointed out "eve"
CanuckSARTech Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 then I believe there are more than 2 words that fit your criteria ..... seeing as David correctly pointed out "eve" Elle.
Fuzz AI Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 then I believe there are more than 2 words that fit your criteria ..... seeing as David correctly pointed out "eve" Aw crap... just got corrected by a co-worker, it's meant to be two 6 letter words that start and end with the same vowel. Elle. Wouldn't think this would count as it is a pronoun... but then again I screwed up the first time, so what the heck would I know! Anyone figure out the other 2 questions?
CanuckSARTech Posted May 22, 2012 Posted May 22, 2012 ...Wouldn't think this would count as it is a pronoun... but then again I screwed up the first time, so what the heck would I know! Maybe, but I also know it as a noun - a name of an old childhood girlfriend of mine. No biggie either way. Gotta rack my brain now with the other stuff....
jacksfull Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 then I believe there are more than 2 words that fit your criteria ..... seeing as David correctly pointed out "eve" Without the 6 letter qualifier it seemed right away there must be more than 2... Just a few simple ones that came to mind... eye eve ewe eke ere But, the two most used that fit the original definition, and that I thought were the reason for it being a trick question... a I
Fuzz AI Posted May 25, 2012 Posted May 25, 2012 No-one has figured out the other 2 questions yet? I'll give you one of answers to Q2: Respectlessness
Guest robustog Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 Try these - Q: What are the only 2 words in the English language that start with a vowel, end with the same vowel, but contain no vowels inbetween. onto
Fuzz AI Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 I've edited the question to read, "What are the only 2 six letter words...."
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