The Joke Thread

[goalie204]

i apologize if there is a joke thread already, and if there is, please point me to it, and i will put these in there and delete this if possible. However in the mean time:

A pious man is rewarded by god.

“I WILL REWARD YOU WITH ONE GIFT, ANYTHING YOU WANT.”

“I’d like an 8-lane super highway across the Atlantic please.”

“YOUR JOKING RIGHT? NO, REALLY, WHAT DO YOU WANT?”

“Hmm, ok, I’d like to understand women.”

…after a pause…

“OK, HOW MANY LANES DID YOU SAY?”

[goalie204]

[goalie204]

A Newfoundlander is driving down a back road in and notices a sign in front of a restaurant reads:

HAPPY HOUR SPECIAL

Lobster Tail and Beer

'Lord tunderin' jaysus' he says to himself, 'me 3 favourite tings!'

________________________

In deference to The Archbishop of Canterbury and The Royal Commission for Political Correctness,

It was announced today that the local climate in the UK should no longer be referred to as ... 'English Weather'.

Rather than offend a sizeable portion of the population, it will now be referred to as 'Muslim Weather'.

In other words -- 'partly Sunni, but mostly Shi'ite'.

____________________________

Loyalty in Marriage

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side...

“You know what”?

"What dear?” she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

"I think you're bad luck, get the f**k away from me."

[Colt45]

Guys, if it's not safe for work, it probably shouldn't be posted here either. Have a good look around - do we see much or any of that type

of stuff here, over six plus years?

FOH needn't become a trash dump for every pice of crap we come across. We don't need to become like every other forum. Members new and old,

in the end, FOH is what we make it.

[goalie204]

I think that what i've posted is all pretty PG and safe for work, wouldn't you agree?

[benjaminbbush]

1. Firefox

2. Chrome

3. Opera

4. Safari

5. Netscape?

I will confess, I only knew 1, 4 and 5. Had to Google 2 and 3.

[CBL]

I think 4 is probably OS Lion.

5 is whatever crap I'm using right now. My internet sucks big time.

I also thought it was Lion, but Safari makes more sense as Lion isn't a browser.

5 must be Internet Explorer right?

[laficion]

Have a good look around - do we see much or any of that type

of stuff here, over six plus years?

I enjoy a good joke as much as anyone else and I do indeed enjoy a.....Hummm .....great photo.

If I'm looking for a FULL page of one or the other , there are websites for whom it's a vocation.

I don't need to search it on a Cuban cigar forum.

No offence intended.

Guy

[gigabyte056]

I enjoy a good joke as much as anyone else and I do indeed enjoy a.....Hummm .....great photo.

If I'm looking for a FULL page of one or the other , there are websites for whom it's a vocation.

I don't need to search it on a Cuban cigar forum.

No offence intended.

Guy

+1

[Colt45]

If I can try and clarify my thoughts a little:

We all love a good joke. Many of us post photos (I've used pics in place of words many times). "Borderline" pics in context of a story, all

good. But calling for "possible nsfw" photos....... Personally, I'd hate to see that become a regular part of FOH.

[goalie204]

I don't think anything i posted was actually NSFW, but some can be sensitive, you never know, it was more of a failsafe than anything

I also didn't think it was a big deal to have a thread for jokes, because clearly there is a lot more being discussed than ONLY cigars here. They have and would have all been pretty safe, but i don't want to offend anyone.

[Colt45]

I also didn't think it was a big deal to have a thread for jokes.....

There's absolutely nothing wrong with telling jokes or a joke thread -

Three guys walked into a bar.

The fourth one ducked.

Why'd the blond climb over the glass wall?

To see what was on the other side.

What do you call a broken escalator?

Stairs.

My comments are based soley on the subject line of the thread title - Images Welcome (Possible NSFW). Most likely I simply misinterpret intent,

but I can't help but read it as images welcome - including not safe for work - hence my comments.

Regardless, my opinions are nothing more than that, and should be taken as such.

[goalie204]

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar

stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, Given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me isblonde and a professional weight lifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his

head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.

[TonyV]

Nice.thanks for starting my day with a laugh..

[DraytonHill]

A man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says

"darling this is the pig i have sex with when you have a headache"

His wife then says,

"i think you`ll find that`s a sheep you idiot"

The man then says

"i think you`ll find i wasnt talking to you"

[BENN]

A man comes home early and finds his wife naked in the bed and a lit cigar on his side in an ashtray!

He raises his voice and asks his wife "where the hell does that come from?"

After a couple of seconds there is a whisper from under the bed.."Cuba"

/ Ben Bockbrännarbolmers

[cigcars]

...the family was at their aged mother's house visiting when the lady's young son said, "Mommy, I gotta go wee-wee." "Okay, my dear, I'll take you." The little boy goes, "Nah-nah-nah, I want Grandmommy to take me!" "Why?" asked the puzzle mom. "B'cause her hand shakes."

[coblos]

"Doctor doctor! I think im a moth!" A man rushes in.

"You don't need me for that..you need a psychiatrist!"

"I know that.."

"Then why did you come in here?"

"The light was on."

[gigabyte056]

Dishwasher repairman

Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman.

Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check."

"Oh, by the way don't worry about my dog Spike. He won't bother you, but whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!" "I REPEAT; DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!"

When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking dog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.

The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled "Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!"

To which the parrot replied,

"Get him, Spike!"

See? Men just don't listen!