genie in a bottle

[dicko]

I met this guy in a bar once. He was f****** huge. Massive arms, huge chest, enourmous delts, lats like wings, I mean huge. But his head was f***** tiny.

I got talking to him and I asked him long he'd been lifting, he told me he'd never touched weights. I was surprised so I changed the subject....to his his tiny head.

He explained how he'd found a bottle on the beach, and when he rubbed it, a genie appeared. The genie granted him 3 wishes, but no sex. This was going to be hard because she looked like this...

So he asked to be rich, bang, he got it, squillions. He asked for a very impressive muscular physique, massive, ripped, he was most impressed.

Then he asked her sex. She said you know the rules, no sex.

So he goes "how about a little head"

[Dbone]

Heyoooo, whoops! Good one Dicko

[bob25]

[joeypots]

Thomas and Patrick are ship wrecked in a life boat and are at deaths door.

A lamp floats by and Thomas grabs it. He gives it a rub and the genie appears. "Yea lord, three wishes are mine."

"I'm not that kind of genie, one wish is all you get." comes the reply.

"Well then, make the ocean Guinness." Thomas demands. And instantly the waves foam up and the water turns into the legendary beverage.

After a few drinks Patrick exclaims, "Thomas, you're a fooking *******."

"Why? What could be wrong?" the dejected Thomas asks.

"Now we have to piss in the boat."

[El Capitan]

Gold Dicko!!

[Rehman]

Stop me if you've heard this one...

Bloke walks into a bar looking miserable. Sits down, orders a gin, reaches into his coat pocket and brings out a tiny little person wearing white tie and tails. The bartender thinks it's a Ken doll dressed up, but the bloke puts it on the piano and it starts leaping up and down the keyboard, tap-dancing out Marvin Hamlisch's "The Entertainer Rag".

"That's amazing!" the bartender says. "You could make a fortune with that! Why do you look so glum?"

The bloke says, "I was walking along one day and this genie appears and tells me I can be granted one wish. 'Just one?' I says. 'What's that?' the genie says, 'Speak up, I'm a little deaf.' 'JUST ONE?' I says. 'Yes, just one,' he says.

"And that's how I ended up with an eighteen-inch pianist."

[#2 man]

Funny !!!!

[mazolaman]

Great jokes chaps

while holidaying in Thailand recently,I pulled a muscle in my back....

So I head down to the local massage parlour,to get it ironed out.

I am being massaged bty the most beautiful young woman I've ever seen,when she says;

"don't worry,it's not usual to get an erection during a massage"

I look down,and say "but I havent got an erection"

the reply comes back

"no,but I have"!