A bus driver to make Basil Fawlty look like Dale Carnegie!

[Ken Gargett]

Just arrived in the Hunter for the Brokenwood 40th anniversary this weekend and enjoying a stunning hoyo LE pyramide 2003 (sorry piggy).

Came up in a minibus with James Halliday, his wife Suzanne and Kim West, another writer from Melbourne. Winsor Dobbin was also supposed to come but pulled out.

We were told that our driver, from the Happy Cabbie company (and wasn't that ironic) would meet us at the airport at luggage carousel 1. We are heading that way and then spot him with the sign, nowhere near.

Suzanne mentions we were headed to luggage 1 so lucky we saw him (actually, to spot him, just look for someone who looks like he has just escaped from jail, the Shawshank way).

'Well who would have told you to go there?'.

'Actually, they were the instructions from your company'.

'Well that might be where the company says but it is not where i wait'. Apparently our fault for not knowing that.

James has to get gear and Basil is not happy at not departing immediately.

There is another bus taking more people up later so i ask if he knows who is going on that one, just making a bit of conversation.

'No'.

'Fair enough'.

'Well, actually it is in my folder but i'm not going to look'.

'Okay then'.

Finally we head off. All have gear but no help offered. Poor Suzanne drowning under stuff.

Off we go.

We ask if we could stop somewhere as none of us have had lunch, and some no breakfast.

Yes, he'll stop on the way. A good spot is suggested. 'No, not stopping there'.

Okay.

Half way up, we head off the main road to a spot to stop - turns out so he can pick up his wife and give her a lift.

We file out and he says, 'You got 5 minutes'. It is a dire place and seriously, I am expecting banjo music any moment.

Suzanne mentions we are hoping to order some food so can we eat on the bus?

'No'.

'Okay, we may be a little bit longer than 5 minutes'.

'You got 5 minutes'.

Which we, of course, ignore.

It was Subway or KFC so Subway (and there at the counter, ordering food, was a bloke in a McDonalds uniform, i kid you not). We order, sit down, but in charges Basil and insists we go. We make it clear we'll be finishing. He was not going to wait so a compromise and we can finish eating on the bus.

Get to the bus and he says, with wife strewn across the front seat, 'I want $57 from each of you'.

We point out that it has all been organised at his office and paid for by Brokenwood.

'I'm not going another inch till you each give me $57.'

We are not moving and not paying him.

Eventually, he agrees to ring his office.

We assume that his apology was when he slammed the door and started driving again without a word.

Then insists that Suzanne has to pay because she was not on the original list. It is pointed out she replaced Winsor. He screams at her that it doesn't matter. Office again suggests he continue on.

And then he is stunned when Westie (whose other job is as an extremely senior cop) reads him the riot act.

Suzanne wants to ask how much it cost the wife for her trip. I was in stitches.

And this Hoyo getting better.

Should be a brilliant few days.

[Fuzz]

Why aren't all my trips this interesting?

[El Presidente]

I had a cracker cab driver yesterday in Sydney on the way to the Indian Restaurant for lunch and filming of the SB episode.

I jumped in the back of the Silver Service cab with my hand luggage which he immediately stated I had to put in the boot of the cab.

I said it is fine where it is.

He said that it could cause serious injury if we were in an accident.

I said I would take the risk.

He said he followed the same rules as commercial aircraft. All luggage stowed away.

I said if he had a roof rack I would put it up top.

He asked me if i was joking.

I asked him if this was a set up for a comedy TV show.

He took off and screetched tyres.

Mark Webber had nothing on this guy except rarely does Webber shout "F You" to everyone he passes on the track.

I am pretty sure he left the asylum on day work release or he had Torrets as when he was not cursing every other car in Sydney he was cursing himself.

In the end we arrived and I gave him my AMEX card. His CC/Cabcharge machine was not working.

He gave me my card back, told me to get out and stated....." I hate this F**king Job!"

I wished him a great day.

He told me to go forth and multiply.

[Warren]

And people still wonder why cab drivers are found bludgeoned to death from time to time.

[coneatty]

Basil Fawlty. LOL. What an apt and hilarious description of that bus driver! I have never been as uptight watching a character on TV as watching Basil Fawlty. Thanks for dredging him back up into the forefront of my dim and "fawlty" recollection.

[cigcars]

*I have no idea who Basil Fawlty is, yet I trust this man was duly reported, complained on otherwise written up at his office. Don't know WHAT would have happened if me was on that bus. Probably be stranded - as he would have driven off for his life in mortal terror.

[maalouly]

it would only happen to you Ken. See you tomorrow mate, make sure you don't get on the piss too hard.

[maalouly]

do you have more of that hoyo LE pyramide 2003 Ken? might grab one of you tomorrow

[Ken Gargett]

do you have more of that hoyo LE pyramide 2003 Ken? might grab one of you tomorrow

sadly, elie, i only brought one.