Top 10 Tiger Woods jokes

[Cohiba007]

One:

Apparently, the only person who can beat Tiger Woods with a golf club is his wife

Two:

What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards

Three:

Tiger Woods was injured in a car accident as he pulled out of his driveway early Friday morning. It was Woods' shortest drive since an errant tee shot at the US Open.

Four:

What was Tiger Woods doing out at 2.30 in the morning? He'd gone clubbing

Five:

Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn't decide between a wood and an iron

Six:

Perhaps Tiger should be using a driver?

Seven:

This is the first time Tiger's ever failed to drive 300 yards

Eight:

Apparently, Tiger admitted this crash was the closest shave he's ever had. So Gillette has dropped his contract.

Nine:

Tiger Woods wasn't seriously injured in the crash. He's still below par though

Ten:

Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole in one.

[samb]

Those are good!!

[Tampa1257]

What does Tiger Woods have in common with a baby seals?

They both get clubbed by Norwegians.

What were Tiger Woods & his wife doing out at 3:00 a.m. in the morning?

They went Clubbing.

Trying to iron out things, Tiger sheepishly blurted out,

"I thought Rachel was your middle name."

Tiger's new movie is out: Crouching Tiger, Hidden

Hydrant.

Apparently the police asked Tiger's wife how many times

she hit him. She said "I don't know exactly… but put me down for a

5."

Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive

cars. Now he has a hole-in-one.

What's the difference between a car and a golf ball?

Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.

Ping just offered Elin Woods an endorsement contract pushing

her own set of drivers. They are said to be named Elin Woods…”Clubs

you can beat Tiger with.”

Phil Mickelson contacted Tiger's wife to pick up some

tips on how to beat Tiger!

About Golf: What is the penalty for getting it in the

wrong hole?

Ask Tiger, he knows.

Elin's excuse? She had to play a bad lie.

What is the difference between Tiger and his wife?

Tiger uses clubs to hit golf balls and his wife uses clubs to hit Tiger’s

balls.

Tiger crashed his car because he was in a rush to move on

to the second hole.

Just because you’re the world’s no. 1 golfer,

it doesn’t mean you can’t be beaten by your wife.

What is the par on a Cadillac Escalade?

Why did Tiger Woods hit a fire hydrant and a tree?

His caddie wasn't there to help him decide between an iron and a wood.

Tiger Woods apparently is giving up pro golf. He was rumored

saying 'My putting is still good, but I keep driving into the trees.'

Why did Elin Woods use the 9 iron to bust out the rear

window?

Because she has been having problems with the driver.

Tiger Woods is designing a new golf video game. Hydrants

are par 1, car windows are a par 5 and Tiger's face is a par 3.

Comment by Tiger Wood's neighbor on Elin's behavior:

"All I can say is that I haven't seen anyone swing a club so hard after a

running start since Happy Gilmore!"

Tiger has been dropped from the Ryder Cup team as his

terrible record of being beaten by the Europeans continues.

What club did Elin use to 'rescue' her husband? A

bitching wedge.

Why did Tiger cross the road?

'Cuz there was a pissed off Swede on this side?

News travels fast. The Chinese are already making a movie

about Tiger Woods' crash. They are calling it, " Scratching Swede, Lying

Tiger.

Tiger just changed his nickname but still kept it in the

cat family. His new name? Cheetah.

What do you do when you see a tiger in a tree?

Call 911. He just had a car accident.

I made it out of my driveway this morning, now I can

finally say that I can outdrive Tiger.

"Elin, I'm never going to complain about your

backseat driving again."

What do Tiger & his wife have in common?

They both try to hit his balls as hard as possible.

…and my favorite…

I don't know what set her off. All I said was,

"Rachel has a much a tighter grip."

[smpf67]

A few more:

Apparently, the police asked Tiger’s wife how many times she hit him. She said, “I don’t know exactly, but put me down for a 5.”

If the only person that can beat Tiger is a blonde with big breasts, it’s time for Phil Mickelson to bleach his hair.

What’s the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.

What was Elin doing out at 2.30 in the morning? Clubbing

Why did Tiger crashed into a fire hydrant AND a tree? He couldn’t decide between a wood and an iron.

Why did Phil Mickelson call Elin yesterday? To pick up some tips on how to beat Tiger.

What is the penalty for getting it in the wrong hole? Ask Tiger, he knows.

Tiger drives very well on the fairway but doesn’t fare very well on the driveway. Rock me.

Whats the difference between a golf ball and a caddy? Tiger can drive a golf ball.

Nike wants to drop their endorsement due to accuracy problems. Apparently, Tiger’s spraying his balls everywhere.

It turns out that fixing Tiger’s game and fixing his marriage both require the same thing: better control over his putz. 



Why was Tiger’s wife mad at him? She heard that he played a-round in Australia .

What will the headline be if they prove it is domestic violence? TIGER’S WIFE MAKES THE CUT

Given Tiger’s racial heritage can we call this a Black Thai affair?

Tiger just changed his nickname but still kept it in the cat family. Cheetah.

Elin Woods has a twin sister named Josephine. Know how to tell them apart? Elin is the one holding the bent 5 iron.

What do Tiger and the Beatles have in common? They both experienced a hit with Norwegian Wood.

First words spoken to the paramedics by Tiger: Who are you? And what are all these trees doing in my living room?

Tiger Wood’s shirt is all red- problem is, there’s no tournament, and his veins are a pint low.

What does Tiger have in common with a baby seal? They’ve both been clubbed by a Norwegian.