another reason not to get married

[Ken Gargett]

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I

clocked you at 80 miles an hour, sir ." The driver says, " Gee,

officer, I had it on cruise control set at 60, perhaps your radar gun

needs recalibrating. "

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says, "Now don't start

that silly talk dear, you know we don't have cruise control."

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife

and growls, "Can't you keep your mouth shut for once?"

The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your

radar detector went off when it did. "

As the officer makes out a second ticket for the illegal radar

detector, the driver glowers at his wife and says through clenched

teeth, "Damn it woman, I said keep it shut!"

The officer frowns and says, "I notice you're not wearing a seat

belt, sir. That's a $75 fine."

The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, when you pulled me

over, I took it off to take my wallet out of my back pocket."

The wife says, "Now dear, you know you never wear a seat belt

when you're driving."

As the officer writes the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and

barks, "WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP. "

The officer looks over to the woman and asks, "Does your

husband always talk to you like this ma'am?"

"Only when he's been drinking officer."

[Cam]

haha

[shrink]

[Guest Warren]

Yes the dear things, they just suck the life out of us and spit out the empty shell don't they. :crying:

What me Jaded ?

No

[cls515]

I have not been married long, but I feel really lucky to have the girl I do.

For some reason she thinks I hung the moon and thinks I'm good looking ;-) she also likes to prepare foods, do the laundry, and clean. I feel bad if she takes all house chores on herself like she thinks is her job. She is truly amazing, and pretty too.

[happy1]

Haha:lol2:

[Guest Warren]

I'm happy for you , I vaguely remember those days. I remember the clouds in the sky, the bunny's hopping by.

Then my medication wears off and I hear my wife's voice in the distance.

Warren have you taken the garbage out yet?

If I had killed someone I'd be out by now.:-D

Ah love it is so sweet

[Guest Warren]

Do you know how to turn a Fox into a dog.

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.Marry it.

[smokum]

» I have not been married long, but I feel really lucky to have the girl I

» do.

»

» For some reason she thinks I hung the moon and thinks I'm good looking ;-)

» she also likes to prepare foods, do the laundry, and clean. I feel bad if

» she takes all house chores on herself like she thinks is her job. She is

» truly amazing, and pretty too.

...and then you woke up !!!!

[justinphilly]

Do you all know what one food totally destroys a woman's sex drive?

wedding cake!

[Mel]

Alright now you chest beating macho bastards you know you love the wife and are whipped. I bet she is not reading your posts??;-) My wife is the best wife I have.:-| She cooks , she cleans and she shaggs but not with out costs.:-(

[smokum]

» She cooks , she cleans and she shaggs but not with out

» costs.:-(

Quick...someone throw water on Mel...he's snoring and dreaming.

[Guest Warren]

) My wife is the best

» wife I have.:-|

Mel , how many wives do you have and WHY would you do that to yourself.

[Colt45]

» Alright now you chest beating macho bastards you know you love the wife and

» are whipped. I bet she is not reading your posts??;-) My wife is the best

» wife I have.:-| She cooks , she cleans and she shaggs but not with out

» costs.:-(

Thank you, Mr. Perfect.

P.S. The turkeys have been all over my back yard over the past two weeks. I could jump off

the deck railing and come up with armfuls. I guess your way is better.....

[Mel]

Smokum, never interupt a good dream.

Warren, that's the point only have one so do the best you can. We all said I do albeit in ignorance. Remember when we thought it was room service and unlimited sex? Ha Ha!

Colt, I doubt the wife would agree with the Mr. Perfect title but thanks.

[El Presidente]

Years ago when I was having some troubles at home (again) I turned to a great friend and mentor mate "Manu" who was still happily married after 30 years of a hell raising and a commercially successful Life.

I simply asked him " how do you balance family and your lifestyle. Running a mega company, travel, late nights, entertaining etc?"

His reply was " Pay as much attention to your family as you do your balance sheet"

I asked " Are they an Asset or a Liability?"

[Colt45]

» I asked " Are they an Asset or a Liability?"

Between you and KG, which will be Oscar and which Felix?

[El Presidente]

» » I asked " Are they an Asset or a Liability?"

»

» Between you and KG, which will be Oscar and which Felix?

You can't pidgeon hole Colt. Mix Oscar with Mr Bean and you have Ken. I am more a mix of Oscar and Captain Jack Sparrow

[Ken Gargett]

» » » I asked " Are they an Asset or a Liability?"

» »

» » Between you and KG, which will be Oscar and which Felix?

»

» You can't pidgeon hole Colt. Mix Oscar with Mr Bean and you have Ken. I am

» more a mix of Oscar and Captain Jack Sparrow

that is priceless. i will confess to having much in common with oscar but you are dead set a combo of felix and jabba the hutt.

[Colt45]

» You can't pidgeon hole Colt. Mix Oscar with Mr Bean and you have Ken. I

» am more a mix of Oscar and Captain Jack Sparrow

»

» that is priceless. i will confess to having much in common with oscar but

» you are dead set a combo of felix and jabba the hutt.

:lol2:

[JMH]

» Captain Jack Sparrow

The always drunk part?

[El Presidente]

» » Captain Jack Sparrow

»

» The always drunk part?

Drunk, delusional, unreliable.

[Colt45]

» » » Captain Jack Sparrow

» »

» » The always drunk part?

»

» Drunk, delusional, unreliable.

sexually ambiguous......

[zuma]