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I used to have a Labrador retriever and I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned. I told her no, I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me. I thought the tall guy was going to have to stagger out the door.

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Funny you should mention it...

I have a large male Samoyed dog, Juno, who often accompanies me to the office. He greets my patients, likes a pat on the head, then usually just lies on the floor and naps.

One day recently, I was seeing one of my regular patients, a man who suffers from a delusional disorder. I noticed that he was looking at Juno, who was licking his genitals.

"Gee", said my patient with a sly grin, "I wish I could do that".

"O.K.", I replied, "but I think you better pet him first".

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