goodbye to all that,,,, and hortense

[Ken Gargett]

in Barcelona. one more day before i have approx 85 hours to get home.

been a brilliant trip. this morning, walked till i had blisters (and a damn hernia). a look at the sagrada familia - amazing to see more people taking selfies than photos of this truly astonishing building. for me, it ranks with the pyramids and the greatest building on earth, the taj mahal. down to the old part. a fave bar, el xampenet. tomorrow, early to boqueria markets and then perhaps back to the hotel terrace for a cigar or two and on with the book (Gai-Jin by James Clavell - had forgotten how terrific his books are). which is what i did for several hours this arvo. the Ramon Allones RR and a Juan Lopex 2.

last night, Tickets. and wow! what a place. yes, i have photos but they are in the camera till i get home and download. it is booked out way in advance - as you could imagine with anything involving Ferran Adria, though this is his massively talented brother Albert, who was a partner at El Bulli. met Ferran years ago at his laboratory in Barcelona. never forget walking in. they had around 200 different plates all set out. he had just created a new dish and was going to trial it in every one to see which was best. and he did this sort of thing for 50 odd new dishes every year. this was amazing. a great mate of mine in Madrid who knows them and actually interpreted for Ferran when they came to Australia gave me a few clues. they were turning people away but i had a quick word to the staff at the door, according to the script, and bingo. please come in, sir. but, and this was 6.45, you need to be out by 8.30. no problem. i am a bit concerned that they may have misinterpreted me and that they think my mate, eduardo gonzalez, is the Spanish Ambassador to Australia. still, whatever works. it was unbelievable. one of the great meals. One long list of extraordinary dishes after another. Amazing. Got to have a bit of a chat to Albert Adria. By 8.20, all that was left was dessert. I had been warned to save room but said to the woman, no issue if I have to make room for people who had booked. No sir, follow me to the dessert room. Unbelievable. Willy wonker meets well, the Adria brothers. fianlly left around 11. the last couple of hours with an American trio who were wildly curious, having seen me walk in with no booking. great fun. they scout great spots around the worrld for their clients to hold retreats, top events etc. Still reeling. Several dozen courses, quite a few wines, including a hefty tip (so well deserved), about E150. I feel like I robbed them.

as for Hortense, well, the last day from Sanlucar was the expected nightmare. set off at 6.30am, still pitch dark. now i know that there is a simple road out of town and onto the motorway. not for Hortense. had me down tiny cramped bendy lanes. still in the hated hippo (lord help the poor sod who next uses that gearbox). eventually on some backroad for miles. not terribly happy. i had to go to Montilla for a winery - Perez Barquero - brilliant wines and an amazing visit, though i had to keep it a bit short. and then the long, very long, drive back to Madrid. i could cope with all that. got back late-ish arvo. in time for peak hour at what must be the world's busiest station. all my nightmares, trying to find the Europcar place to drop the hippo. horrendous. best part of two hours looking and driving everywhere in this cesspit of traffic. just missed a three car pile up.

the two things i have most dreaded this entire trip have been -

1. 1. getting the the rental car back to the Europcar place at Madrid station. You can probably imagine that Madrid station is not small – in fact, it is four stations together I'm told. And four different parking lots. the ten lanes outside are crazy. you could stand in the middle and still be fifty yards from any footpath. and a thousand taxis just fly around non-stop. Traffic around it is possibly the worst in the world so imagine me after two hours of slogging through it, back and forth, looking for the Europcar place. as was later pointed out, I missed the sign. The sign is, and I kid you not, 2 inches by 3 inches on the base of a parking sign. Finally, enough. Parked it in one of the car parks – so chockers you have to wait till a car emerges before you can go in and then imagine trying to find that one spot – parked, then all over the station and i finally found their office. so, i went to Europcar and told the bloke what I had done. “You must move it.” “No, I am not. You are coming with me and bringing it to wherever it needs to go.” “I cannot.”  “Shut your machine down and let’s go.” “Okay”. Once he was trained, he was good.

      But not before back at the Europcar office when I first arrived, I am waiting. Two people serving and two people being served. In this small room, standing dead centre so probably not easy to miss, is me. No one else. This dreadful Dutch or Belgian or something else woman walks in. sour-faced, obese (yes, pot/kettle), frumpy thing. She has to step around me. Followed by the grubbiest Spaniard, a third of her age, you have ever seen (unlike the vast majority of Spaniards who are fantastic people - actually pretty much every other person i have met, touch wood, has been great). And clearly someone with no interest being there. In other words, the cheapest male hooker she could find – and she’d come to try and bargain Europcar down in prices. In the high season. Fat chance. First station becomes free, up she steps. On any other day, maybe, but after ten hours driving and Madrid traffic, no way. I have a few words. She tells me she was there first. I just told her to F off. She does. The hooker tries to get more soil out of his fingernails. Using his other, equally grubby, fingernails. honestly, i reckon i could have used a flame thrower on her and he would not have cared.

      So my friend at the counter was already aware that I was perhaps a customer not of the sunniest disposition he had seen that day.

2.

2.    The flight home – the scumbags called Qantas, although they claim it is now regulations, other airlines and my agent have all assured me that is crap and it is simply that they do not want to do it, won’t transfer bags from Finnair to themselves in Singapore, even though they are all Oneworld. So I have to exit the airport, collect my luggage and check back in. same on the way over when they made me check in for the Finnair flight, which was not yet open so I had to sit outside and wait. I used my time wisely. I went to the desk of the stumbling wombat and told some poor girl there that they were the greatest mob of F’ing this, that and the other on the planet. The worst airline ever to draw breath and a few other thoughts. Poor girl just stood there completely gobsmacked wondering what lunatic had escaped and why was he hassling her.

Still, if those are the two worst problems of the trip, I’ll take it.

 

[planetary]

3. Everyone is still waiting for photos and a detailed account of the best bar in the world.

[SokaKiel]

Love your write ups Ken!

So far I was never fortunate enough to to get into Tickets but I went twice to Heart in Ibiza. Went there last year and this year again for the pre-opening for the season.

Its a combination of Adria supervised food and Cirque de Soleil Show arranged by the team around Guy la Liberte.

This year during the pre-opening we had a chance for a quick chat with Ferran and Albert, two meticulous über-creative professionals! If I was a chef I'd love to work with them for a stage!

Safe travels home!

Leif

[Ken Gargett]

30 minutes ago, SokaKiel said:

Love your write ups Ken!

So far I was never fortunate enough to to get into Tickets but I went twice to Heart in Ibiza. Went there last year and this year again for the pre-opening for the season.

Its a combination of Adria supervised food and Cirque de Soleil Show arranged by the team around Guy la Liberte.

This year during the pre-opening we had a chance for a quick chat with Ferran and Albert, two meticulous über-creative professionals! If I was a chef I'd love to work with them for a stage!

Safe travels home!

Leif

thanks Leif, agree re working with the guys. although one may not learn a great deal about "normal" food. the other place i just love is Can Roca. so brilliant. that was the entire reason for going to Barca in the first place, to go back to Can Roca (i've been 4 times so far and it is my absolute fave restaurant on the planet). i should have checked before i put the flights in place. they do not open till the day i leave. no matter. Tickets was a massive bonus (definitely worth pushing next time you are here) and who could cpomplain about being in this city!

[stogieluver]

Ken, all celebrities have an agent.  You need an agent.  I have no experience being an agent, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn a few weeks ago.  I'll do the job if you'll pilfer all my cigars from Rob's stash. 

[Ken Gargett]

1 hour ago, stogieluver said:

Ken, all celebrities have an agent.  You need an agent.  I have no experience being an agent, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn a few weeks ago.  I'll do the job if you'll pilfer all my cigars from Rob's stash. 

done.

[Warren]

You were lucky to get out of the Europcar office without being accused of damaging the car. They are well known for running this scam and I have been a victim of it myself. They took me for an additional $900