Travels with Hortense

[Ken Gargett]

Ah, Hortense, what a girl. Been with me every step of the way since Madrid and what a travelling companion. Took a day or two for us to get to know each other. She was very reticent at first, but she has blossomed. At times, shy, even silent, and at others, exuberant in the extreme. Can’t shut her up. A little coy, a bit deceitful, occasionally downright difficult. Then full of help, good ideas and suggestions. But woe betide me if I don’t take them – she is, it will come as no surprise, never wrong. And she speaks with a little tiny lisp – it isn’t cute. But without her, I honestly do not know where I'd be. Hortense, as you’ve probably guessed, is my GPS.

The first day, she was determined to be difficult, but before that, we almost didn’t meet. After Helsinki, and did I mention some of the wines at this extraordinary extravaganza (see a bit below), flew to Madrid. The hotel was just a reasonable cheapie near the airport I booked on line. By one of those bizarre coincidences, I'd stayed there twice before when booked by agents. And they had done the place up. Everyone in Spain is uber-friendly, and the people here, no exception (currently listening to the Bruce Adelaide concert I went to a few years ago – a cracker).

https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=springsteen+adelaide+concert&&view=detail&mid=0CF370DF6EF767AB8B4D0CF370DF6EF767AB8B4D&FORM=VRDGAR

However, fair to say some staffing issues. The planned pickup information arrived when I was already at the hotel – yes, very useful. The worst was when I was heading to the airport early last Thursday (I think – the days blur). I arrange the airport bus for 6.30am. I was early as wanted to beat Madrid peak hour. Get there a bit before 6.30. Bus already there. I start to check out but I say to the girl, should we tell the bus driver I'm here.

No, he’ll wait. No problem.

Okay, but he is just over there? Are you sure?

No need. Sign this, please. I do and the bus drives away. At that time of day, I was not pleasant. Idiot.

I only got my reference number for the rental from the travel agent ten minutes before I checked out. Go to the rental place at the airport, when I finally get there. Sorry, wrong ref number and you are supposed to be terminal 1, not 4. Even though I checked before. Special. But a very helpful woman has a car for me. Upgrades me to a nice pointy end Renault. I go all the way to collect it – about 15 minutes with luggage. All set to go. No GPS. I check with the bloke at the rental station. “what did you do with it?” No, there was none. It takes ten minutes to sort this. I have to go back to the airport to get a new car. Not happy. So I get a manual (no probs with that but it is over a decade since I drove one and there have been a few unscheduled hiccups). A bloody giant Jeep. Just what you need for Spain’s long highways and all the narrow lanes I need to go down. And it has the manoeuvrability of a drunk hippo on ice skates. I hate it. But it is where Hortense lives.

Madrid was fabulous. Went to the other Best. Bar. Ever. Several times. La Venencia – down a back alley off Santa Ana Sq. been going there for years. They only serve sherry. I swear it has not been cleaned, painted, washed, since Hemingway went there. Apparently Virginia Woolf and/or Gertrude Stein lived directly across the lane so you have to think they used it. The tab written in chalk on the bar. Tips are strictly a big no. the cash register has to be wound up to use. I love it.

Tried for the Prado – always go and see the dark Goya’s if I am in Madrid. Awesome paintings. But huge queues of hundreds of yards for a H Bosch exhibition. Tried twice and got nowhere so gave up. Went to the Reina-Sofia which is another regular stop. Brilliant. And almost completely empty. People are idiots. I had the entire fourth floor to myself – Dali’s, Miro, Picasso and dozens of others. Amazing. And no one else there but the old security ladies.

Anyway, set off on the wrong side of the road (I don’t care, it is the wrong side – so far, I have only gone around one roundabout the wrong way, as far as I know) and tried to get out of Madrid. Hortense was misbehaving wickedly. All she would show was a map, over the three-inch screen, of Madrid to Sanlucar. 660 kilometres condensed into three inches. Seriously. How bloody useless is that. Perhaps Hortense went with Burke and Wills. So an hour later, I am still exploring all the motorways of internal Madrid getting seriously pissed at the world. No idea which way I am supposed to go. Every time I think I getting somewhere I miss a turnoff or get diverted. Finally, for no reason, she starts to talk. Thank the divinities. I manage to get out of Madrid but she is seriously temperamental, is Hortense. If I miss a turn, she shuts up and says nothing until I stumble back on the right route. So frustrating. Especially in the hated Hippo.

Eventually get down to Sanlucar. Seriously warm. The “outside car temp” yesterday hit 47C. Now, Hortense gives proper maps and instructions and if I miss a turn, she won’t shut up. “Do a U-turn when possible. Do a U-turn when possible. Do a U-turn when possible.” Shut the hell up.” Do a U-turn when possible.”

Been here near a week. Tomorrow the last day and then on Thursday, the nightmare day. I have to leave at 6ish to get to an appointment at Cordoba and then back to Madrid. All up about 700-800 kilometres. Not so worried about all that but have to leave the car at some place centre of Madrid, during peak hour. The Hippo and I do not get on well enough to manage that.

Will try and update the rest of the trip when I can. Got through a few good cigars. And the wines from Helsinki…

Petrus – 1952, 1949

Mouton – 1900, 1929, 1960

Yquem – 1949,

Cheval Blanc – 1949 (on two days running!), 1950, 1975, 1952

Margaux 1959, 1947,

Château Ausone 1950

The brilliant Penfold's 1962 Bin 60A

Richebourg – 59, 50, 59, 1923

Musigny – 1959, 1949, 1945,

Dom – 95 P2, 90 P3, Rose P2 95, 1964, 1998 P2

Cristal – 99 Double Mag, 1996,

Krug – 98, Clos du Mesnil 98,

Charles Heidsieck – 1959, Blanc d Mill 90, Blanc de Mill 95, Rose 99,

De Vogue Bonnes Mares 1953

Les Malconsorts 1929

Charmes-Chambertin 1950, 1959, 1964

4-5 Pols, mostly Sir W but the star was the basic 93.

Veuves back to 1955.

Echezeaux 1964

Château Montrose 1929, 1921

Lafleur – 1959, 1944.

Couple of 1900 VPs.

 

And about 130 others.

[foursite12]

Did the 64 Echezeaux have anything left?  The 49 d'Yquem and Cheval Blanc must have been outstanding.

[luv2fly]

I love my sexy GPS gal.  Her name is Samantha.  She says in a British voice, love that accent, "turn left on the motorway".  My reply is "aw, you are cute but I don't trust you so I am going straight".  Always a bad move.

**I stole that from a comedian I heard once but for me it is so true!

[Fuzz AI]

I stopped using my car's GPS long ago. Nowadays I rely on a mobile app called Waze. It's a community based GPS, with users updating the map daily. Sometimes it does go a bit stupid, especially if there is reported traffic along your original route (even though the the detour is just as long) or the shortest route is down narrow streets filled with speedhumps, but overall it is pretty good.

But more importantly, we now know the name of the Best. Bar. Ever.

 

[Elvis]

https://www.yelp.com/biz/la-venencia-madrid?hrid=rCtjSMuJCilM4pcgtDL7Ug

Seems to be a big hit with the Aussies.  ;-)

[Dimmers]

awesome travel update thanks Ken!!!