Saturday Humor

[Drguano]

Courtesy of Malcom Smith

A car full of Irish nuns is sitting at a traffic light in downtown Dublin, when a bunch of rowdy drunks pull up alongside of them.

"Hey, show us yer ****, ya bloody penguins!" shouts one of the drunks.

Quite shocked, Mother Superior turns to Sister Mary Immaculata and says, "I don't think they know who we are; show them your cross."

Sister Mary Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts, "Piss off, ya fookin' little wankers, before I come over there and rip yer balls off!"

Sister Mary Immaculata then rolls up her window, looks back at Mother Superior, quite innocently, and asks, "Did that sound cross enough?

[irratebass]

Ha!!! Love it!

[TheLiquidGator]

"An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake...

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a 'Billy-Club'.

3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

'Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy ... do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No ... not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times"...

[cigcars]

Two nuns happened to be out on foot in a rough part of town, and it was night time. Suddenly, out of the alley leaps two male assailants who pull the two sisters into the dark and begin to have their way with them. The one nun covers her eyes and prays, "Forgive him, Lord, for he knows not what he does!"

The other nun says, "Mine does..."

[Squarehead]

Guy sits at the kitchentable looking at the marriage certificate for over one hour when the wife says,what are you looking for?He anwsers back "The expiry date".

[stogieluver]

The wife is awakened in the middle of the night by a sound coming from the kitchen. She wanders, sleepy eyed, into the kitchen and finds her husband sitting at the table with his head in his hands sobbing tears all over the table.

"What's wrong?" she asks. "Did someone die?"

"No", he answers.

Through teary eyes, and between mighty sobs, he asks, "Do you remember back when we were young, you were 15 and I was 18, and I got you pregnant?"

Annoyed, she answers. "Yes, I remember".

Still sobbing, he asks "You remember that your father said I would marry you or spend the next 20 years in prison?"

"Yes", she says. "I remember". "Is that what you're crying like a little baby about?"

"No", he says.

"Well then, what is it?", she asks, perturbed with him, as usual.

"Today is our 20th anniversary", he says, "and I would be getting out of prison."

That's when the fight started.

[Aksan]

A reporter asks Chuck Norris during an interview. How many push ups can you do!

Chuck"answers: "all of the them!

[Martin3203]

A reporter asks Chuck Norris during an interview. How many push ups can you do!

Chuck"answers: "all of the them!

Haha, never heard that one before.

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[cigcars]