There must be plenty of villages missing their idiots ?

[El Presidente]

Seriously, there are days I believe I am the refuse station for those "challenged" :rotfl:

Example 1.

Good mate who won't be mentioned Apparently he can't leave his house just in case an important overseas phonecall comes through. It has now been days

"Give him a call on his mobile" I say. "I mean you have only been dealing with him for 4 months".

Silence

Example 2

Di is now seeing dead people and comenting on how well they look. 28 days to go during her "Dry July"

Example 3

Mechanic walks in this morning and says my son Ben accidentally took his Mobile home yesterday. I call Ben from work this morning and he said that he left the phone next to mine this morning when I left home at 6:15am.

No note, no text, no conversation but apparently... telepathically... I was to know that he had his car serviced and that he accidentally picked up Troy's phone (Mechanic) and that I was to take it into work and give it to him. Naturally, a phone being a phone I thought it was one of the 5 in our household.

My part of the conversation to my son I cannot print after Troy came in looking for his phone.

Example 3

My Dentist has sold his practice. New owner/dentist calls me up and seeks an urgent consult. She seemed a nice lady. She believes I am a candidate for "Teeth whitening" as she is doing a special. She doesn't know me from Adam nor the fact that I have my Teeth cleaned every 4 months. I politely said that I am happy to do it if she can arrannge anal bleaching at the same time. She apparently doesn't do anal bleaching. I will be seeking a new dentist.

Example 4

I contact the Govt "Tobacco Internet Division" Policy Group in Canberra. We have been having a running battle. I ask if it is OK that at the Perth function this weekend I can mention cigars

Him "If you are a retailer then the function is Tobacco Advertising and prohibited".

Me..."but I am just catching up with mates, having a cigar and a a few too many drinks"

" If you are a retailer then you can't have "mates" but existing clients or prospects".

Me..."Is that like a politician not having "mates" but prospective voters?"

Him " It is not illegal to canvas votes"

Me..."What if my Dad is coming...can I talk to him about cigars?"

Him.." Put it in writing and I will come back to you"

........One of those great days

[Trevor2118]

I propose that in future "cigars" should be referred to as....say...."donuts".

So you can have a get together for a couple of donuts.

[chr0nic]

Me..."What if my Dad is coming... can I talk to him about cigars?"

This whole revised legislation- plain packaging and hyper-restricted duty free limit- is the first time I can remember being seriously disappointed in the state of our country... considering cigar enthusiasts make up such a small percentage, and that they are pretty-much destroying the beauty of it, it is a perfect example of "picking on the little guy".

If you are a retailer then you can't have "mates" but existing clients or prospects - what a silly quote. Interesting to know that our Government believes that business owners and retailers are supposed to be 'friendless'.

Australia- a country of mates and mateship. Unless your a retailer.

[Fuzz]

I've had a gutful. I'm going to pack it in and have a couple of donuts...

[asmith]

Example 5 - Czar Employee

Asked him to water the front garden before he went home. Surprised all of us by doing just that, helped that I did pull out the hose so he had to walk over it to leave.

Well done garden watered, all village idiot no 5 had to do was retract the hose into the retractable hose unit which was damaged by village idiot no 3 previously when he drove into the unit with Rob's car. No that all seems to difficult instead just pile the hose up on top of retractable unit like an idiot.

[Miner]

Rob

You are going to have to come up with an alternate for what ever it is we are going to do on Saturday with what ever it is you are going to bring.....jeez sounds illegal already!

Cheers

[khamy]

bloody doughnut punchers.

[Warren]

Rob if you ask a labor politician the right question these days you might just get a reply in song. Aren't they a talented bunch. I'm so ******* proud to be Australian.

[GernBlansten]

Both example 3's made me giggle. The second one especially. It would have been priceless to have seen her face when you asked about the AB. Thanks for the laugh!

[celtmick1984]

Good God, man. You live in revolutionary conditions, there in OZ.

[PigFish]

I contact the Govt "Tobacco Internet Division" Policy Group in Canberra. We have been having a running battle. I ask if it is OK that at the Perth function this weekend I can mention cigars

Him "If you are a retailer then the function is Tobacco Advertising and prohibited".

Me..."but I am just catching up with mates, having a cigar and a a few too many drinks"

" If you are a retailer then you can't have "mates" but existing clients or prospects".

Me..."Is that like a politician not having "mates" but prospective voters?"

Him " It is not illegal to canvas votes"

Me..."What if my Dad is coming...can I talk to him about cigars?"

Him.." Put it in writing and I will come back to you"

........One of those great days

I now know why guns are illegal in your country! One might choose to use it!!!

Mate!

Cohiba = chocolate

Bolivar = broccoli

Partagas = pancakes

... etcetera!

Email the list from a friends house before the meeting. Government meddling and problem solved!

... better yet, name your cigars after politicians. Then call the meeting a political gathering.

-Piggy

[Ken Gargett]

seriously? pot kettle?

you dropped smithy's remote in a bucket of water?

[SuprHasan]

This is the funniest thread I've read all year!! :rotfl:

[NMJoe]

seriously? pot kettle?

you dropped smithy's remote in a bucket of water?

Hmm, yes, I also recall such an event during a recent donut review.